Animals: Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped...

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 17:32 - United States - San Dimas

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 104

You deserved it 3 130

Animals

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Team Insomnia

Thinning

By Cold feet - 07/04/2019 12:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 495

You deserved it 160

By spiderinmylips - 24/06/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color, when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchish popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 048

You deserved it 7 463

By Anonymous - 09/12/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 589

You deserved it 1 379

By BooBabe - 04/06/2012 23:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 863

You deserved it 6 789

By RonnieG - 22/07/2013 22:30 - United States - Orlando

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 041

You deserved it 14 059

A new enemy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 02:01 - United States - Great Mills

Today, my cat jumped into my lap and sat on my headphone cord. I tried to get it out from under her by pulling on it. Big mistake. My cat is now eyeing the cord and will attack it if I move it again. I have expensive headphones and the cord is not interchangeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 385

By Ryan - 18/12/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 10 896

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 984

You deserved it 8 503

By NotJobbing - 11/08/2015 23:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 345

You deserved it 3 123

By badwife - 07/11/2009 10:22 - Japan

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 280

You deserved it 17 297

By Shauna - 10/11/2012 09:02 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 951

You deserved it 4 174

By dinosaur - 08/02/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 164

You deserved it 6 094

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 647

You deserved it 12 970

By promoted - 20/12/2010 05:29 - Australia

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 608

You deserved it 3 088

By IMAWAKE - 17/03/2014 19:07 - United States - Romulus

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 117

You deserved it 3 828

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 12:30 - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 914

You deserved it 5 744

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 2 617

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 18:40 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her "God damned fucking cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 978

You deserved it 4 176

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 621

You deserved it 2 593

By eejit - 21/02/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 684

You deserved it 67 405

By Fuzy - 15/12/2008 03:24 - France

Today, my Art Director once again turned down a demo model (for an advertisement) that I'd been working on for a week. This time he took his belt off and started thrashing the model to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 428

You deserved it 2 342

By yeah_im_mad_bro - 24/09/2011 00:32 - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 148

You deserved it 5 448

By wtfiswrongwithher - 07/05/2011 13:56 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 694

You deserved it 7 493

By Jobby - 30/06/2012 12:48

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 685

You deserved it 2 694

Mystery message service

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of with, whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 174

By Oops - 04/07/2014 17:35 - United States

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 938

You deserved it 43 478

By fizzie101 - 18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 379

You deserved it 4 668

By AidenFromSweden - 06/07/2009 18:41 - Sweden

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 733

You deserved it 4 421

Getting on

By Lexxxiii - 17/06/2021 06:01

Today, I realized that every time I play video games, my wrist and elbows always end up hurting so badly from holding my controller/handheld games. I always have to apply bengay and wear braces. Arthritis is creeping up on me harshly, and I’m still young so this sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 372

By Ben - 01/03/2010 03:46 - United States

Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 984

You deserved it 17 326

Gotta get that clout

By Debate bros STFU - 26/07/2021 06:01

Today, my live-in boyfriend spent yet another evening trying to bait Twitch streamers into a debate about stuff he barely understands. He's obsessed with "growing his audience", and I'm getting tired of his bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 141

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 69 441

By Cheese luv - 21/09/2016 16:55 - Australia - Watson

Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 931

You deserved it 2 226

Creepy idea, dude

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 17:01

Today, I finally found a way to lesser the loneliness in my life. During at least one work or school zoom meeting a day, I "pin" a random female attendee's screen. That way, I can pretend we're staring into each others eyes the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 1 257

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 1 820

By bronco_lover89 - 22/05/2012 01:05 - United States - Essexville

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 904

You deserved it 39 291

By turdtonomor9 - 12/05/2013 14:08 - United States

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 770

You deserved it 9 410

Bad thought

By Anonymous - 24/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Longmont

Today, I found out that my parents have thought I'm lesbian for at least a year. I now understand why my dad has been trying to get me to "hang out" with his co-worker's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 189

By leve80paladin - 25/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 841

You deserved it 68 120

By knevs - 22/06/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 2 960

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Top comments

fearlesscooldude 12

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:02

Sorry about that, at least they helped you though

thebosslikeaboss 18

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:04

Sounds like a horrible catastrophe! But in all seriousness I'm sending Internet hugs, losing a pet is awful :'(

fearlesscooldude 12

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:02

Sorry about that, at least they helped you though

sayyestothedress 24

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Sunday 26 October 2014 3:33

I LOVE YOUR PROFILE PIC!

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

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Sunday 26 October 2014 5:06

Well maybe they killed the cat...

incoherentrmblr 21

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Sunday 26 October 2014 16:09

You must've had a pretty big cat for all of you to get it off of the road. However, RIP cat :(...

Leodak 16

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:02

That's one way to meet them.

kimg0885 23

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Sunday 26 October 2014 5:46

It's time to play a thousand ways meet your neighbor ...,, I'm gonna go with a wave hello

kipperin 18

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Sunday 26 October 2014 6:00

3)Having sexual intercourses with the wife/daughter and getting caught

kimg0885 23

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Sunday 26 October 2014 17:40

And that's worth a hundred points #45

dudeman1212 22

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:02

Not what I'd call a purrrfect introduction

Whotevah 8

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:04

Are you furreal?

BigLatchZatch 14

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Sunday 26 October 2014 2:11

This pun thread needs to end meow.

LocsOn 13

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Sunday 26 October 2014 2:47

I cat believe this

rockyhorrorQT 12

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Sunday 26 October 2014 2:54

You've got to be kitten me. Puns in response to such a cat-astrophe? (I'm sorry. I will see myself out)

miianah1 22

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Sunday 26 October 2014 3:45

I'm apawled at your responses. How inappurrpriate!

thesmeagol 22

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Sunday 26 October 2014 6:15

cmon guys, op must be feline pretty upset.

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 26 October 2014 6:18

Time to invite them over to commiserate poor puss and then drink until catatonic.

miianah1 22

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Monday 27 October 2014 19:21

Damn, you ruined it, 48.

HappyItalian 38

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:03

"Well in the event of this situation, you guys wanna come over for a barbecue later?"

thebosslikeaboss 18

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:04

Sounds like a horrible catastrophe! But in all seriousness I'm sending Internet hugs, losing a pet is awful :'(

MissHeartSihk 24

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:05

Poor kitty.

devildog562 33

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:07

Killed the pussy has a very sad meaning in this context.

sarah5745 41

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:27

You didn't have to go that far..

devildog562 33

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Sunday 26 October 2014 2:12

Nope didn't have to, chose to anyways, down voted to hell, and probably won't lose much sleep over it . I am sorry for the cat though....

laaryssa 21

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:07

I'm so sorry

captainsmegma 12

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:07

My totally tasteless comment of the day. Are your neighbours planning a bbq?

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:23

Tasteless? BBQ have tastes. *bah dum tss* Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Tip your waitress.

devildog562 33

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:53

Damn everybody's so sensitive. I thought it was funny !

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Sunday 26 October 2014 1:10

I'm so sorry about your kitty. Losing a pet is always so hard. :(

foxwasalamb 24

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Sunday 26 October 2014 2:24

i came home from middle school to find my childhood dog in a garbage bag.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 270

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 194

A new enemy

Mystery message service

Getting on

Gotta get that clout

Creepy idea, dude

Bad thought

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