Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
If he didn't abuse her, shouldn't he be glad his daughter's boyfriend is -in a weird and somewhat violent way- looking out for her?
singer4life666 0
I guess you aren't going over there ever.
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Comments (108)
mort1818 0
do it
DarkHelmet 10
Aw Yeah!!! Time to nut up or shut up my friend!!!
aznmex21 3
i'd egg him on and prove a point :)
joa76 3
I'm sure the girlfriend would really appreciate that...
stevenmx86 8
That's where you say "Who says I can't *sound of knife against sharpener*" Besides, unless she was worried about him abusing her, which this doesn't state, why would you even say that?
joa76 3
That's what I was just about to say (no one seems to have mentioned it yet). I know some people can come up with lots of hypothetical stuff, but that's the sort of thing that usually comes up for a reason. If she really does have any reason to worry about her dad abusing her, this isn't so much an FYL as an FHL, especially since he probably wasn't too happy about what he overheard.
jakiwi 0
wrong place at the wrong time man,but at least you care about your girlfriend?Lol.
TheXTG8680 0
Unless your name is Cloud Strife and you are carrying a sword 7' in length and 3' in width, you just dun goofed! Prepare to get Sonned Up!
thegoodlife101 0
what her dad didnt realize is that your lorena bobbits brother....
ulicksam 0
And then big bad you hung up the phone and cowered in the corner, crying for your mommy. Dickweed.
MustangMan29 13
so, what is he gonna do ? Nothing is the correct answer.
LilaBear 2
Idiot. Her father probably says the same thing about you. Why were you making such awful suggestions about him anyway, unless he actually is abusing her? In which case I think you would have made that a bit more definite in your FML.