Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
If he didn't abuse her, shouldn't he be glad his daughter's boyfriend is -in a weird and somewhat violent way- looking out for her?
singer4life666 0
I guess you aren't going over there ever.
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Comments (108)
cccoaler42 0
all u have to do is back it up lol dont be a pussy
mrjude 3
You should've told him you can back it up... And then remind him that you care about his daughter that much.
Sparkiee93 3
I don't think that this should be on here, this seems like something kind of serious, like police serious.
brighteyes81 0
^win! This made me laugh in a crowed waiting room.
brighteyes81 0
*crowded
ramirezlmt 0
Unless it was sexual abuse don't go for the dick. Given where the dad overheard either he smacked talked or he's a drunk dad. Either way back up your girl protect her or clear the air little hint only girls should go for dick.
icertainlysuck 0
For the people who say YDI, you are cowards. FYL... you were just trying to protect your girlfriend.
sallen0046 4
Yeah, because jail time for assaulting your girlfriend's father because you THINK he may be abusive makes total sense. If she's actually being abused, OP still deserves it for not taking appropriate legal action and just making ridiculous threats he obviously can't back up.
jannie22 0
well no girl just binge up the subject foe no real reason to their bf I'm sure they got better subjects to touch upon ;)
SnoochBoochie 14
Really..
Lehk 9
you might want to see a therapist for your sexually violent fantasies involving older men.
metalboxzes 0
this FML is hilarious! just imagine your dad coming on the phone while talking to your significant other about abuse and imagine him saying that! I'd die laughing!! :p
babycoolJ 0
that's why you get cell phones...