Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, my girlfriend let out a vile fart in an Uber. It stank so bad, the driver threatened to kick us out. She blamed it on me and called me a pig. Then, she ripped another one, and he actually did kick us out. She had the nerve to act hurt when I called a second Uber only for myself. FML
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Top comments
ilovesuju 10
the fart fmls are always the funniest
SandiRainbowFish 20
Wow, like he never farts. What an ass. You deserve better, OP!
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Comments (200)
soonernut 0
I like a girl who farts.
Bekll 31
That'd be all girls.
helpme37 0
Single women don't fart! We don't have Assholes until we either date one or marry one!!!
thatoneguy79 10
It sounds like you have a pretty good method for weeding out the arses and idiots. You know that if they can't handle a little gas they certainly can't handle the rest of you. Now we just need some way to mark them, so your time isn't waisted and other ladies in your area can help out to... I know; we can attach a dangly thing to their pelvic area. If you find a guy with a dangled, you know he's been checked and confirmed to be an idiot.
Lookinforlove10 1
And im sure he farts in front of.you all the time...jerk-off...
Morella 4
I'm rather surprised that everyone is picking up on your arrogance, rather than your flaw. A statement placed between two commas is one that may be omitted from the text. "... I, being a smart guy, has ..." "... I has..." You has no claim to smrts.
doubleroses 3
Maybe you are a pig. Act like a lady and you'd get treated like one. He wasn't and isn't wrong whatsoever. I'd do the same thing!
truerebel 1
Well depending on how long you were dating him, maybe next time we don't fart in front of a guy so soon?
wdawson1970 4
You deserve it you pig, I leave women for that as its rude and disgusting!
acetheone 8
what category was it and how much did it measure on the rector scale?
SoultheWolf 19
Your boyfriend is an idiot. It is a natural bodily function to release gas. Just because it is a taboo that women don't fart doesn't mean they don't. They are just more selfconsious about it, trying not to do so in public. If he can't respect that then he doesn't deserve you. I garentee he releases his farts in public, as do most men.