Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, my girlfriend let out a vile fart in an Uber. It stank so bad, the driver threatened to kick us out. She blamed it on me and called me a pig. Then, she ripped another one, and he actually did kick us out. She had the nerve to act hurt when I called a second Uber only for myself. FML
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Top comments
ilovesuju 10
the fart fmls are always the funniest
SandiRainbowFish 20
Wow, like he never farts. What an ass. You deserve better, OP!
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Comments (200)
gman90210 18
Ya ok like he has never done the same thing? Right
Angel157 8
What an ass!!! You should dump him! He doesn't deserve you if he can't handle that fact that you are human and have bodily functions.
rolls_royce 0
I hate to say it but it seems the ones who say stuff like "I hate drama" are the ones creating it. It was your choice to date the guy so you should have gotten to know him better first. You deserve it....
Discombobulated9 12
You never truly get to know someone until you have dated them for a while. What did you expect her to ask? "Would it bother you if I farted?"
22cute 17
Uh...how is a little accidental toot "creating drama"?! She probably thought he wouldn't hear over the phone anyway. That's NOT drama. That's life. Making a big issue of it IS drama.
Yellow_Fish79 11
My parents fart infront of eachother all the time and laugh about it. Best marriage evar.
dunker_fml 4
He was just looking for an excuse, any excuse, move on.
itsme1321 3
My thoughts EXACTLY! My brother once broke up with a girl because she left toast crumbs in the butter :0 When you're done, you're done & any little thing turns into the last straw lol!
shrdlu 28
Like my grandmother always used to say, "If you gotta fart, do it well." The trouble was, she ALWAYS said that. "Grandma, would you like some more potatoes?" "If you gotta fart, do it well." Or: "Grandma, where's Grandpa?" "If you gotta fart, do it well," For the last eight years of her life, that was the only thing anybody could ever get her to say.
GhettoMuzick 0
I like your grandma. If I ever farted in front of my grandma, she'd look at me as if I set her house on fire or something.
Harpy20 24
Just leave him be. Find a mature guy.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Sounds like somebody has such an amazing sense of humor!! Kind of a douche move on his part!
GhettoMuzick 0
Well on the brightside, you saved yourself from a crappy relationship.
noYOUdo2much 0
Damn, people are really in support of you farting! He just wanted to be single. Now he can spend more time clenching his his ass cheeks together atop his ”my shit smells like roses” high horse. You're better off!