Love: Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 19:16 - Sweden - Guayanilla

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 259

You deserved it 4 361

You tried

Work > Love

When nature calls

By Noname - 04/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 599

You deserved it 7 218

By jackass - 13/04/2009 10:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 832

You deserved it 82 519

By crushed - 11/12/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 188

You deserved it 5 015

By Bella - 15/01/2013 18:57 - United States - Sanford

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 071

You deserved it 7 819

By ewmomew - 12/09/2010 04:07 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 584

You deserved it 9 315

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 16:35 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 532

You deserved it 3 762

By andimanastudent - 13/04/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 434

You deserved it 67 719

By EpicFail - 17/01/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 023

You deserved it 4 497

By rejected4ever - 14/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend gave me the half-eaten chocolate bar that I left in his fridge two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 504

You deserved it 4 181

By afraidofcans - 23/10/2012 16:01 - United States - Stafford

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 712

You deserved it 4 418

By Anonymous - 18/08/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 482

You deserved it 64 144

By cheerymama - 23/01/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 903

You deserved it 26 054

Entitled

By CP slave - 11/09/2019 06:02 - United States

Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 105

By Blonde - 11/03/2015 03:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I googled for an hour how to open my CD player on my laptop. Turns out, there is none. They just put a space there to make it look like a CD player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 6 396

By TJ - 07/01/2010 16:50 - India

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 164

You deserved it 2 981

By LonelyAngel22 - 24/11/2016 08:10

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 376

You deserved it 1 534

Dealing with it

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 02:05

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 072

You deserved it 435

By anonymous - 25/03/2015 04:24 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 250

You deserved it 3 255

By Sexless from Texas - 24/04/2015 11:38 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 957

You deserved it 13 728

By notinthebutt - 14/06/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 301

You deserved it 64 168

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 809

This is America

By Anonymous - 25/06/2020 08:08

Today, I found out a test I need to see if I need surgery on my gallbladder costs more than my pay check, even with insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 101

By foreveralone - 23/07/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 902

You deserved it 3 528

By ocdistheworst - 26/08/2013 20:05 - United States - Gardena

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 570

You deserved it 3 870

By Anonymous - 03/02/2010 00:12 - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 556

You deserved it 2 546

By SingleGirl - 07/09/2009 15:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum grounded me for going to my boyfriend's house instead of the library. She said my boyfriend's mum phoned up because she could hear us having it off in his room. When I denied it my mum shouted at me for being a liar as well as a slut. I did go to the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 970

You deserved it 4 204

By Anonymous - 25/04/2019 04:00

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 994

You deserved it 158

Artistic licence

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 14:00

Today, after spending at least 4 hours drawing a realistic shadow of a vampire for a picture contest, I finally remembered that vampires aren't supposed to produce shadows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 665

By edulover - 01/01/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 657

You deserved it 6 387

By protoplasm stole my seat - 26/01/2013 01:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 418

You deserved it 2 797

By Nuttree - 01/08/2010 07:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 332

You deserved it 6 856

By Can2 - 08/01/2014 19:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 446

You deserved it 14 302

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 384

You deserved it 40 868

By Max - 04/03/2017 22:00

Today, I sent a thank you note after a job interview, emphasizing my accuracy at editing written reports; I misspelled the company's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 252

You deserved it 5 361

By shut up. - 11/11/2013 10:36 - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 874

You deserved it 3 205

By Anonymous - 12/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 6 937

I'm orry!

By minac11 - 26/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went to give my boyfriend a hug and accidentally knocked his brand new phone out of his hand. The screen was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 336

By seadrick - 06/06/2015 16:19 - Canada - Granville Ferry

Today, I learned that not only do wood ticks have a habit of dropping off of branches onto you as you walk under them, they also like to hang out in groups of five or six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 734

You deserved it 2 120

By grossesfesses - 15/05/2013 06:58 - France - Compi?gne

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 798

You deserved it 6 403

Senpai Noticed

By HelenErutherford - 09/07/2018 01:30

Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 149

You deserved it 297

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:28

"Better out than in" -Shrek

MolesterStallone 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:27

I have a feeling he wasn't listening!

Comments

MolesterStallone 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:27

I have a feeling he wasn't listening!

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:28

No, you think so?

MolesterStallone 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:30

I said it so I would say no shit?

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:58

"Team Peeta" in 3's bio ruined all credibility they may have had.

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:19

Meh, I just thumbed myself down. I admit that comment was shit. I could have come up with better. And I didn't check or change my description for a while so I just added to the Peeta part, because I'm starting to dislike the teams thing, it reminds me too much of Twilight. :/ So now I support Peeta Bread. :]

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 1:13

I don't care how old you are, farts are and always will be humorous. He just wanted to bring light to the situation.

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 1:53

It's such a funny sound!

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 2:30

32: Edit it again. You're 13 and in no position to address anyone else as "child".

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 3:08

#1 nice car .. what is it?

NissanDriftKing 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 4:21

Its a Nissan GTR.

JocelynKaulitz 28

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 10:04

"Was that a fart? I can taste it…on my tongue. Is that onion?…onion and ketchup" -Seth Rogen (Step Brothers)

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 11:51

Lol you for real bro

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 22:04

32- I still do call myself a kid, though. I'm not one of those kids who think they're all grown up. My friends and I just have a running joke where we call people "child". Even each other. :) I know it's not that funny. And I do regret my earlier comment. I just thought it was obvious, but I guess most didn't think so. I'm sorry for being rude, 1. :/

MolesterStallone 13

Send a private message

Sunday 16 September 2012 18:44

You are forgiven :)

iiDangerCloseBK 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:27

Maybe that's a sign to move on?

PerfasarusRex 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:58

"I broke up with my boyfriend cause he farted"...no

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:07

It's a sign that he needs to poop.

stolencookie 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:09

25 - well maybe that was his answer to how much he cared...

loloalltheway 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 8:21

People commenting on fml are so quick to tell the OPs to move on...

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:28

"Better out than in" -Shrek

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:30

"Did you just soil yourself? Maybe.. It did sound a little wet, right at the end. Let's have a smell..wafting, wafting.. Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Okay, analysis..it smells like carrots and throw up." -Austin Powers, Goldmember.

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:59

Or: Better out then in. - Hagrid (HP2)

hopsinlove17 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:00

^overachiever

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:01

"Believe me Donkey if it was me you'd be dead" -Shrek

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:03

B-but Hagrid wasn't talking about farting then sucking it back up your hole. He was talking about expelling slugs from your mouth! Different situation, mate!

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:04

"It ain't comin off no stone neither..." Donkey

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 6:02

Mother told me it's not good to hold it in. Squeeze, flex, and squirt it out!

MrBrightside21 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 15:30

"I had my mouth open and everything. You gotta give me a warning or something." -Noble Steed(shrek)

joep1 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:28

It's natural! Hes very open with you just not at a good time. Sorry op.

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:44

You obviously haven't smelled my farts...

joep1 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 1:21

Okay...

guy24 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 3:25

Or he is just trying to get dumped. :P

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 5:46

/me deploys downvote umbrella Very nice picture 5.

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:28

Gas ALWAYS takes priority...

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:29

I love how in all FML's people are like "move on blah blah" Like no just stop. No relationship is perfect , if OP is with him then that means she likes/loves him.

senbonzakura90 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:30

That pretty much says what your boyfriend thinks about the relationship sorry OP

senbonzakura90 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 5:00

Fuck you guys

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:30

Continue your sentence with a slap

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:31

Better out then in

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:32

Sounds familiar...

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 23:26

#11 You crack one out then suck it back in? That's talent, right there! Form a line, ladies!

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 September 2012 22:32

Surely the farts aren't the reason for the troubles?

Send a private message

Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:25

Obviously not, just the cherry on top. ;_;

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 141

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 90