Gas wars - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 85

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 112

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 339

Stop talking!

Good kid

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Alarmed

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 14:02

Today, my sister promised to wake me up at 8 for my 9:30 class. She woke me at noon, and only because I was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 897

12/07/2011 12:19

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 876

You deserved it 3 549

Unknown number

By Whoisshe - 17/01/2020 01:00

Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 389

Believe in the Q

By Q Hub - 14/10/2021 14:00

Today, I found out my 36 year-old wife has been cyberstalking an 18 year old-girl for a week. Why? Because the girl doesn’t believe in QAnon. I found out when my wife’s online business started getting backlash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 63

The Good Grandson

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 21:10

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 184

20/07/2016 00:28

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 706

You deserved it 4 215

20/05/2017 11:00

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 011

You deserved it 5 397

29/02/2016 21:04

Today, my boyfriend got so baked, he thought I was in the washing machine. I came downstairs to find him sitting in a puddle of soaking wet clothes, crying about where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 927

You deserved it 3 007

31/10/2010 13:30

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 055

You deserved it 9 872

02/11/2012 23:50

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 876

You deserved it 3 441

03/03/2009 20:49

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 766

You deserved it 18 347

Oh, hai Mark!

By hi Mum - 11/12/2013 19:59

Spicy

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 170

You deserved it 5 178

Ding dong

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:04

Spicy

Today, I got an ingrown hair. It wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere other than my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 120

04/11/2012 07:28

Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 173

You deserved it 2 285

26/12/2012 02:46

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 630

You deserved it 35 581

20/04/2017 18:00

Today, my Darwin Award-nominated cousin got himself admitted to the hospital because he substituted the hammer and screwdriver for a meat tenderizer and a knife when he couldn't find the toolbox. The one I clearly labeled "TOOLS" in giant letters to avoid this situation from happening again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 101

You deserved it 307

18/06/2012 01:00

Spicy

Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 448

You deserved it 5 824

28/09/2009 21:00

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 797

You deserved it 14 902

17/10/2014 17:56

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 782

You deserved it 4 682

15/02/2011 15:30

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 450

You deserved it 43 453

24/08/2014 04:14

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 205

You deserved it 3 657

01/05/2009 21:07

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 779

You deserved it 18 314

Alas, poor Stuart

By ShouldIHelpIt - 18/05/2016 02:46

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 749

You deserved it 908

17/12/2010 17:08

Spicy

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 209

You deserved it 13 861

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 17:32

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 557

You deserved it 3 591

Pace yourself

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 11:01

Today, for my 18th birthday, I went out to a club with my mate and I drank so much I ended up breaking my nose. I was there for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 1 008

27/01/2012 17:14

Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 014

You deserved it 3 105

07/06/2019 04:10

Today, after recovering from surgery, I was leaving the clinic when a bucket of red paint was thrown at me, and a woman shouted that I was a murderer. I replied, "Sorry, would you like me to ask the doctor for my ovarian cyst back so I can pretend it was a fetus?" She hit me with her handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 914

You deserved it 169

26/09/2009 03:15

Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 476

You deserved it 3 526

03/01/2010 17:11

Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 218

You deserved it 35 499

01/07/2009 10:31

Spicy

Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 326

You deserved it 75 967

15/09/2009 10:53

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 830

You deserved it 8 749

02/10/2017 04:00

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 3 214

14/07/2009 18:10

Today, I checked the facebook event page that I had set up for my 21st birthday at an awesome restaurant/bar which I had set up a week ago. Out of 39 invitees, the only person who said yes is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 393

You deserved it 5 556

Perfect timing!

By Savanerzz - 18/03/2018 01:30

Today my fiancé broke up with me. Two hours later, the store I bought my dress from called to say it’s ready to be picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 874

You deserved it 283

07/01/2012 02:22

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 017

You deserved it 61 984

30/08/2011 09:35

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 3 616

21/01/2013 16:11

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 080

You deserved it 41 265

15/10/2009 01:47

Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 157

You deserved it 6 693

14/09/2012 00:57

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 963

You deserved it 5 214

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Top comments

Charlie Given 24

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Monday 5 October 2020 0:29

that's actually a good sign it means he's comfortable enough around you to do something like that just laugh it off and get him back next time you're snuggling

genuinegoodguy 9

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Sunday 4 October 2020 23:53

And some people say romance is dead.

Comments

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Sunday 4 October 2020 23:23

He’s an asshat and Fuck HIS life...period!

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Thursday 8 October 2020 1:58

Mate, get a grip. Believe me or not, what he did was a sign of showing they're comfortable around the person and they're a bit of a jokester which is a real big plus.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 4 October 2020 23:27

Dump him! You don't need someone so competitive in your life!

genuinegoodguy 9

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Sunday 4 October 2020 23:53

And some people say romance is dead.

Charlie Given 24

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Monday 5 October 2020 0:29

that's actually a good sign it means he's comfortable enough around you to do something like that just laugh it off and get him back next time you're snuggling

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Monday 5 October 2020 20:56

good man.

Crowned Sataness 7

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Monday 5 October 2020 4:25

you really should indulge him. it's funny af when a woman can keep up. source: I'm a woman

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Monday 5 October 2020 6:12

you dont fart?

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Monday 5 October 2020 13:31

if you can't let one rip around your SO then you don't have much of a relationship

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Thursday 8 October 2020 2:01

I mean it really depends on the person and the timing. Some people are actually raised to believe that burping, farting, licking bowls, chewing with their mouth open (That would be what happened to me) and other things are disgusting and they can't ever get it out of their head that it's bad. I can't stand people chewing with their mouth open, I can barely stand slurping, and I LOVE TO LICK THE BOWL!!!

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Monday 5 October 2020 18:31

I found someone like that and I'm marrying him!

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Tuesday 13 October 2020 5:59

Where I come from, it's a sign of true love if you fart in front of each other. :D