Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML
Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML
Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, my girlfriend let out a vile fart in an Uber. It stank so bad, the driver threatened to kick us out. She blamed it on me and called me a pig. Then, she ripped another one, and he actually did kick us out. She had the nerve to act hurt when I called a second Uber only for myself. FML
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Top comments
ilovesuju 10
the fart fmls are always the funniest
SandiRainbowFish 20
Wow, like he never farts. What an ass. You deserve better, OP!
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Comments (200)
vbmg152 19
You're supposed to be a lady! Act like one!
THE_A_TEEN 28
You must be some strange breed of a humanoid being to not have an anus and fart.
HeartOfLead 24
Enjoy really enjoyed reading this. The "shit-head" metaphor was inspiring.
jcmjr 4
I hope he inhaled that shit thru the phone that wuss like if his ass blows in and not out!!!????
Sugah_Shane1 2
I definitely fart but i have never farted loud enough to be heard over the phone. That's gross. Sorry but you know when your going to and you can do something to hide it. Iv held farts till it hurts around girlfriends they can do the same for me
Bekll 31
You can't always control bodily functions. And why is it gross if 1) It's natural and 2) He couldn't smell it as he was over the phone?
mvems 13
Awe:( cheer up. When do date a cool chick you'll be stoked, she'll be worth the wait. ;)
pennylane18240 0
Obviously the guys immature as hell and bet he wouldnt care if he did it i hate double standards..dont even stress bout the loser.
afropuffjake 9
To be fair he may have been talking about something serious... I'm pretty immature so fart humor still is entertaining for me but it can also be disrespectful. The only reason I love it when my girl rips one is because of how she reacts when I do. It's almost like she's discovering her full capability XD. Either way you're better off without him if you can't let loose around him you'll never be comfortable enough with him to do ANYTHING.
alycion 39
My sister has a bird that can imitate snoring well. I am sure it could do the same with farting. She now has a built in excuse.
dominic1221 6
Jeez, I wouldn't date you either, you obsessive, self-congratulating idiot. Do something with your life other than lusting after chicks, **** man...
Ray_of_midnight 23
Don't date guys who are so immature that they think women don't poop, fart, or otherwise have natural bodily functions.