Intimacy: Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching...

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 257

You deserved it 18 025

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Easily scared

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 17:59 - France

Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 166

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 2 866

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 028

You deserved it 2 643

By all5fingers - 08/09/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 3 246

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 297

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 3 297

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 964

You deserved it 4 787

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 4 377

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 583

You deserved it 2 139

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 329

You deserved it 16 753

GwennaRose 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:28

Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action

Welshite 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:29

Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*

Comments

GwennaRose 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:28

Maybe the cockroach just wanted to get in on the action

Damian95 16

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:54

What a dirty cockroach.

hallix 21

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:16

Hey, it's getting more action than I am.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

Thursday 10 October 2013 21:11

I always wanted to be Mila Kunis's hand in a situation like this. But I don't think I ever envisioned myself as a cockroach falling and landing on her hand. Hell, that actually may work out for me even better!

negb 30

Thursday 10 October 2013 21:23

Is it just me that is reading "molesting" instead of "masturbating"?

n00b4liciou5 10

Thursday 10 October 2013 21:50

Me thinks OP doesn't know english & used Google Translate

jw90 18

Thursday 10 October 2013 22:10

No no I really think OP may have been molesting themselves.

Gho5tk3y 17

Friday 11 October 2013 1:09

Depending on ones preference it may be the same thing 66

toooldforthis 19

Friday 11 October 2013 4:21

I agree w/ 102, some like it rough :)

Welshite 39

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:29

Threesome? Oh god, that was a horrible image. *throws up*

wisericky 12

Thursday 10 October 2013 19:59

Hmm my mental image required a giant cockroach.

GwennaRose 22

Thursday 10 October 2013 20:08

Hmmm, I just don't know if I could trust something that could survive nuclear radiation for weeks and not die (yes this is a play on not trusting that which bleeds for 5 days and does not die)