Transportation: Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting... - FML

By lily - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

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Money hole

Never engage with psychos

What a headache

By notinthebutt - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

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By youdontknowmewhy - United States - Keller

Today, I was called a selfish brat for asking for a pillow as my birthday present. FML

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By Ohshit - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

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By facebook - Australia

Today, my girlfriend "accidentally" set her relationship status to "single", and 20 of my friends "liked" it, including my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 08:08

Fake mystery guy

Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML

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By playinmyguitar - United States

Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML

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By crash and burn - United States

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

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By SoulStormIV - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

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By Olive14

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

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By Skido - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 17:00

Time don't heal nothing

Today, I was sitting in my garden with my younger sister when she told me that she'd found pictures of me from a decade ago. She also told me that I've changed a lot over the years, because back then I was still pretty. My neighbours overheard it and started laughing out loud. FML

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By DramaQueen - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Treat your pets properly!

Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockville

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 23:00

Crisis

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

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By fuggers :/ - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, my workplace had a big employee photoshoot for an ad campaign. I was there all of 30 seconds before the photographer said, "What the fuck? Look guys, this ain't an ad for facial abortions." He then asked me and another colleague to step out of the shot. FML

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By AudraRose - United States

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

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By Nerrh - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

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By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver

Hummmmmmmmm

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

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By whatismydadthinking - Australia

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

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By ewwy - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, after working the midnight shift at my job, I thought it would be nice to leave a sweet love note along with my boyfriend's favourite candy in his car. Upon finding it, he immediately broke up with me for "breaking into" his car. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

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By weirdesout - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

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By SCREWED - United States

Today, I came home to my mom dancing the hustle naked. With a group of 4 friends. FML

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By DirtyCharmed - United States

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

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By allyshah - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

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By Anonymous

Missing the point 101

Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML

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By heck

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - K?ln

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 17:01

Can't feel my tongue

Today, I was using the same metal spoon to stir boiling noodles and the pasta sauce I was heating up. I decided to taste the sauce and see if it was getting warm, forgetting that the spoon was sitting in boiling water three seconds earlier. FML

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By Cromwel620 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

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By LoveTheElder - United States - San Clemente

Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

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By Rachel - United States

Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML

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By Girl w/ the Pearl Earring - Australia - Perth

Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML

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Top comments

By worb | 0

#53483 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

get over yourself

By zoecakes | 0

#53495 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

wow karma's a bitch, isn't it? YDI.

COMMENTS

By JeanNe91 | 0

#53482 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

i hope you kept your wallet. you dont deserve to get it back.

Reply

Zer0_Zer0 | 0

#700426 - Wednesday 2 December 2009 18:11

YDI, you just made my day XD

Reply

theking12369 | 0

#1009269 - Thursday 27 May 2010 8:53

but why would he whistle and not say hey! or something like that

Reply

Hansemans | 17

#3568536 - Thursday 10 November 2011 15:10

Same feeling here. I really enjoyed reading this FML.

Reply

asdfjklol | 0

#3985338 - Friday 3 February 2012 4:53

How wld tat make ur day??????

Reply

SpikyG | 3

#5106471 - Friday 2 November 2012 2:08

There are a lot of reasons hey may of whistle.

Reply

corgidoggo | 2

#6634203 - Wednesday 22 June 2016 20:59

cause he's old

By worb | 0

#53483 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

get over yourself

Reply

6969awesome | 0

#986982 - Saturday 1 May 2010 15:57

I don't get why the old man whistled and didn't yell out
FAKE

Reply

dakotalesmercy | 6

#998897 - Thursday 20 May 2010 15:41

^^^^^
+1

By zoecakes | 0

#53495 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

wow karma's a bitch, isn't it? YDI.

Reply

Infamous_Hawk | 6

#1685328 - Friday 12 November 2010 3:58

yes it is

Reply

chuksnwali | 34

#5975302 - Saturday 14 June 2014 15:43

Karma's a bitch, and so is OP

By Seegtease | 0

#53498 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

Hah. He tried to do the right thing, you insulted him, now he gets all your money. Nice guy wins, and the bitch loses.

Justice.

Reply

badminton | 14

#5951784 - Wednesday 21 May 2014 4:41

I love this comment.

By amirn86 | 0

#53502 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

OwenMcAwesome | 0

#2389743 - Friday 22 April 2011 21:30

Stupid feminist bitch...

Reply

Zeus1070 | 17

#4415696 - Thursday 10 May 2012 6:22

If most guys are creepy, then most girls are bitches. See how it works both ways, you condensending bitch? Get off your high horse.

Reply

azk3000 | 9

#5249205 - Saturday 15 December 2012 9:02

the weird thing is a guy said that

Reply

warchild4080 | 8

#5514541 - Friday 31 May 2013 7:34

OK first have you ever hear of a guy telling a girl to go to hell because she called him hot no we would take it as a compliment but when a guy dose it its creepy lol stfu prude

Reply

gms0113 | 8

#6552983 - Saturday 5 March 2016 23:27

it's sexual harassment either way it's just girls don't do it as much as guys (you can't even argue with that its a fact)

By deja54 | 0

#53511 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:29

//"most guys are really creepy lol"//

What are you, stupid?

By grl223 | 0

#53524 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

That's just...sad. YDI fo sho. I'm glad you didn't realize it while you were still on the bus, either.

By soxgrl33 | 0

#53540 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:35

Aren't getting-your-attention whistles very different from you're-hot-stuff whistles? =P

By DamnGoodTimes | 0

#53544 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:36

You deserved that, dude. Acting like an ass doesn't get you anywhere.

By alex_smokin_okin | 0

#53545 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:37

#4 = so true