Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting... - FML

By lily - 23/3/2009 15:46 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

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Understandable

Creepy

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By BrokeandDesperate - 6/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

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By crazystuff23 - 1/6/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

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By sweetie808 - 28/1/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

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By LostSoul - 21/7/2019 12:10

Today, I arrived at the doctor's to schedule surgery to find out my insurance got canceled again. I only just got it reinstated after the last time they screwed up and canceled it. It took me 6 months to get it fixed. FML

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By runner - 14/11/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

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By sassy_girl144 - 29/5/2015 10:58 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

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By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2010 15:58 - United States

Today, I am a 22 year old male with a 11:00 pm curfew. FML

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By clash - 28/11/2008 06:30 - France

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

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By dee - 3/7/2011 05:36 - United States

Today, I decided to sing a sweet lullaby to my two year old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML

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By faeliality - 16/4/2017 16:00

Today, after finally getting my drivers license, I was able to drive myself to school for the first time! I got fined $50 for accidentally parking in the wrong lot. FML

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By GrandmaShakers - 2/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

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By Kiki - 23/6/2016 23:54 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that my brother buys audiobooks only to play them on "mute" so that he can tell everyone that he read them later and flaunt the proof. The rest of my family think he is a genius for reading War and Peace in two days and won't listen to me. FML

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By Sarah - 12/6/2012 16:59 - United States - Pipersville

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2014 13:56 - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

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By deeenalynn - 18/7/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

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By BluBaller - 6/4/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

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By stupiddrunk - 1/3/2011 01:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 17:01 - Germany

Packaging

Today, I was cleaning up after my mom visited with her dogs. She'd left a little pill-jar on the kitchen counter. Had she forgotten her medicine? It made a weird, soft sound when I shaked it. I opened the lid to shake some pills into my hand, only it wasn't pills. It was two fat ticks. FML

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By awwman - 10/4/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

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By ohno - 13/7/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2017 06:00

Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML

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By Kevin - 9/9/2011 12:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2012 20:08 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML

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By NCanalyst - 11/11/2009 20:28 - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

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By nixwolfwood - 19/12/2016 21:14

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

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By tempted to become single - 21/10/2012 16:00 - United States - Atwater

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

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By andimanastudent - 13/4/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

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By poncho31 - 22/5/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove 6 hours to make a job interview missing my best friends' wedding. The interview is actually tomorrow. FML

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By amy - 2/4/2018 09:00 - United States

Douchebag Alert!

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

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By YouBossturd - 10/11/2015 15:17 - United States - Washington

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

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By selfdefense - 12/10/2009 04:16 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

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By Lily - 21/2/2009 11:22 - United States

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

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By NotYourDaddy - 8/8/2017 00:31

Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 10:15 - Australia

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

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By creamed - 20/2/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2013 19:50 - United States

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

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By Anna - 6/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

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By umm...no - 31/10/2016 14:33 - United States - Keller

Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML

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Top comments

By worb | 0

#53483 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

get over yourself

By zoecakes | 0

#53495 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

wow karma's a bitch, isn't it? YDI.

COMMENTS

By JeanNe91 | 0

#53482 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

i hope you kept your wallet. you dont deserve to get it back.

Reply

Zer0_Zer0 | 0

#700426 - Wednesday 2 December 2009 18:11

YDI, you just made my day XD

Reply

theking12369 | 0

#1009269 - Thursday 27 May 2010 8:53

but why would he whistle and not say hey! or something like that

Reply

Hansemans | 17

#3568536 - Thursday 10 November 2011 15:10

Same feeling here. I really enjoyed reading this FML.

Reply

asdfjklol | 0

#3985338 - Friday 3 February 2012 4:53

How wld tat make ur day??????

Reply

SpikyG | 3

#5106471 - Friday 2 November 2012 2:08

There are a lot of reasons hey may of whistle.

Reply

corgidoggo | 2

#6634203 - Wednesday 22 June 2016 20:59

cause he's old

By worb | 0

#53483 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

get over yourself

Reply

6969awesome | 0

#986982 - Saturday 1 May 2010 15:57

I don't get why the old man whistled and didn't yell out
FAKE

Reply

dakotalesmercy | 6

#998897 - Thursday 20 May 2010 15:41

^^^^^
+1

By zoecakes | 0

#53495 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

wow karma's a bitch, isn't it? YDI.

Reply

Infamous_Hawk | 6

#1685328 - Friday 12 November 2010 3:58

yes it is

Reply

chuksnwali | 34

#5975302 - Saturday 14 June 2014 15:43

Karma's a bitch, and so is OP

By Seegtease | 0

#53498 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

Hah. He tried to do the right thing, you insulted him, now he gets all your money. Nice guy wins, and the bitch loses.

Justice.

Reply

badminton | 14

#5951784 - Wednesday 21 May 2014 4:41

I love this comment.

By amirn86 | 0

#53502 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

OwenMcAwesome | 0

#2389743 - Friday 22 April 2011 21:30

Stupid feminist bitch...

Reply

Zeus1070 | 17

#4415696 - Thursday 10 May 2012 6:22

If most guys are creepy, then most girls are bitches. See how it works both ways, you condensending bitch? Get off your high horse.

Reply

azk3000 | 9

#5249205 - Saturday 15 December 2012 9:02

the weird thing is a guy said that

Reply

warchild4080 | 8

#5514541 - Friday 31 May 2013 7:34

OK first have you ever hear of a guy telling a girl to go to hell because she called him hot no we would take it as a compliment but when a guy dose it its creepy lol stfu prude

Reply

gms0113 | 8

#6552983 - Saturday 5 March 2016 23:27

it's sexual harassment either way it's just girls don't do it as much as guys (you can't even argue with that its a fact)

By deja54 | 0

#53511 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:29

//"most guys are really creepy lol"//

What are you, stupid?

By grl223 | 0

#53524 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

That's just...sad. YDI fo sho. I'm glad you didn't realize it while you were still on the bus, either.

By soxgrl33 | 0

#53540 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:35

Aren't getting-your-attention whistles very different from you're-hot-stuff whistles? =P

By DamnGoodTimes | 0

#53544 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:36

You deserved that, dude. Acting like an ass doesn't get you anywhere.

By alex_smokin_okin | 0

#53545 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:37

#4 = so true