Transportation: Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting... - FML

By lily - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

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Late term

Walk on the wild side

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By curiousorange - United Kingdom

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

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By unloved cat owner - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

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By FuckingDone - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

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By Dude - United States

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

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By max5 - France - Casseneuil

Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML

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By kellb123 - United States

Today, I was at work, and was told to clean up the urine that a child had left down the slide inside the play place. While in the slide, another little kid peed on my head. FML

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By benz1369 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while stocking the green beans at work, I picked up a "leaf" which turned out to be a grasshopper. I screamed so loud, my coworkers now think I'm crazy. This is only my second week here. FML

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By LawSchoolBoi

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

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By Alliente - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

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By Anonymous

This is why we can't have nice things.

Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML

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By Me - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 08:08

Assumptions

Today, a salesman came to the door and I assumed the guy was peddling solar stuff. Before the poor guy had a chance to say anything, I blurted out, "We don't need any, we only spend $80 on electricity in the summer." He pointed to his shirt and replied, "I'm an exterminator." I then tried to awkwardly apologize. FML

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By Heethersays - United States

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

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By be_so_slick_56 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

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By Jesse from - United States

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

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By Arachnaphobic - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

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By Inod - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

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By LassieToe - Australia

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

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By Catnip - Germany - Michelstadt

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, 'Wow, so beautiful!' FML

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By Swivel - Singapore

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

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By full of losses - United States

Today, the day after my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother informed me I have 30 days to move out. I've been living with them for four years, helping take care of my sick grandfather. She's already changed the locks and won't unlock the door. FML

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By definitelynotugly

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

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By rinakitty94 - United States - Sunset

Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

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By skinnybitch - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

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By bigbuldge

Roommate From Hell

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

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By broke

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

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By thankful

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

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By munnyfish - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

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By smellslikeroses - United States - Oxnard

Good smell

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

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By robthebuilder - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

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By so embarrassing - United States - Renton

Today, I got so anxious while trying to fight the ticket I got earlier this month that I passed out in front of the judge. FML

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By Anonymous

A Different Kind of Tension

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

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By Mary - United States

He's trying to kill you!

Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML

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By missalexa - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

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By Awie - Austria

Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML

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By bucollegegirl - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

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Top comments

By worb | 0

#53483 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

get over yourself

By zoecakes | 0

#53495 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

wow karma's a bitch, isn't it? YDI.

COMMENTS

By JeanNe91 | 0

#53482 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

i hope you kept your wallet. you dont deserve to get it back.

Reply

Zer0_Zer0 | 0

#700426 - Wednesday 2 December 2009 18:11

YDI, you just made my day XD

Reply

theking12369 | 0

#1009269 - Thursday 27 May 2010 8:53

but why would he whistle and not say hey! or something like that

Reply

Hansemans | 17

#3568536 - Thursday 10 November 2011 15:10

Same feeling here. I really enjoyed reading this FML.

Reply

asdfjklol | 0

#3985338 - Friday 3 February 2012 4:53

How wld tat make ur day??????

Reply

SpikyG | 3

#5106471 - Friday 2 November 2012 2:08

There are a lot of reasons hey may of whistle.

Reply

corgidoggo | 2

#6634203 - Wednesday 22 June 2016 20:59

cause he's old

By worb | 0

#53483 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

get over yourself

Reply

6969awesome | 0

#986982 - Saturday 1 May 2010 15:57

I don't get why the old man whistled and didn't yell out
FAKE

Reply

dakotalesmercy | 6

#998897 - Thursday 20 May 2010 15:41

^^^^^
+1

By zoecakes | 0

#53495 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

wow karma's a bitch, isn't it? YDI.

Reply

Infamous_Hawk | 6

#1685328 - Friday 12 November 2010 3:58

yes it is

Reply

chuksnwali | 34

#5975302 - Saturday 14 June 2014 15:43

Karma's a bitch, and so is OP

By Seegtease | 0

#53498 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:27

Hah. He tried to do the right thing, you insulted him, now he gets all your money. Nice guy wins, and the bitch loses.

Justice.

Reply

badminton | 14

#5951784 - Wednesday 21 May 2014 4:41

I love this comment.

By amirn86 | 0

#53502 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

OwenMcAwesome | 0

#2389743 - Friday 22 April 2011 21:30

Stupid feminist bitch...

Reply

Zeus1070 | 17

#4415696 - Thursday 10 May 2012 6:22

If most guys are creepy, then most girls are bitches. See how it works both ways, you condensending bitch? Get off your high horse.

Reply

azk3000 | 9

#5249205 - Saturday 15 December 2012 9:02

the weird thing is a guy said that

Reply

warchild4080 | 8

#5514541 - Friday 31 May 2013 7:34

OK first have you ever hear of a guy telling a girl to go to hell because she called him hot no we would take it as a compliment but when a guy dose it its creepy lol stfu prude

Reply

gms0113 | 8

#6552983 - Saturday 5 March 2016 23:27

it's sexual harassment either way it's just girls don't do it as much as guys (you can't even argue with that its a fact)

By deja54 | 0

#53511 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:29

//"most guys are really creepy lol"//

What are you, stupid?

By grl223 | 0

#53524 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:32

That's just...sad. YDI fo sho. I'm glad you didn't realize it while you were still on the bus, either.

By soxgrl33 | 0

#53540 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:35

Aren't getting-your-attention whistles very different from you're-hot-stuff whistles? =P

By DamnGoodTimes | 0

#53544 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:36

You deserved that, dude. Acting like an ass doesn't get you anywhere.

By alex_smokin_okin | 0

#53545 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:37

#4 = so true