Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me...

By Parade - United States

Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

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30785

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Transportation

Weird kid

Compassionate dad, huh?

Business savvy

By schmoodles - United States

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

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22743

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By bleu_noir - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

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49475

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By anonymous - United States - Cape Coral

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

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54012

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33237

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8997

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By sorehead - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML

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12377

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By h

Today, while at a restaurant, my three year old daughter pointed at an African-American girl and yelled out “She’s ugly because she’s black!” Me and my wife got dirty looks for the entire rest of our meal. We have no idea where she learned that. FML

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2761

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Today, I had to suspend a student. Apparently, someone convinced him that he turned invisible. He walked into the girls locker room thinking he could not be seen. I work at a high school. FML

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8586

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By Tonguetied0496 - United States - Claremont

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

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37783

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

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53672

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By that one anon - United States - San Diego

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36831

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2525

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By momoffour - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

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34615

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3276

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By NewFiancee - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

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50145

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Pardeeville

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14189

You deserved it

1224

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By Noah - United States - South Haven

Today, I was at a bar with my girlfriend, and I noticed an obnoxious guy from college I used to hang out with. I tried to avoid eye contact, but all of a sudden he shouted, "There's the guy who puked his margarita back into the glass!" Everyone stared. Yup, that was me, just last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13632

You deserved it

2847

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By aussie worker

Today, it was my first day at a new job as a waitress for a wedding function centre. As I was opening the door to collect dirty plates from the guests, I bumped into a colleague carrying a tray full of full champagne glasses, all of which fell and smashed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3344

You deserved it

387

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42183

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2925

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By bad_luck_chuck

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3679

You deserved it

189

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By Steve

Today, I helped my girlfriend pick out a pretty dress for a corporate event. It turns out the first use it was going to see was a date with her side dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5190

You deserved it

360

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By Dehydrated - United States - Charlotte

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30361

You deserved it

2708

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By thepigeonsfriend - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

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26895

You deserved it

5905

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By wow - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

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62062

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3791

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By bananapie69 - 10/4/2020 20:00

Social distancing gone wrong

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1338

You deserved it

642

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By clips - United States

Today, I was on the bus. I heard a click right before something small hit my cheek. I looked over to see the lady next to me cutting her long, dirty fingernails. The bus was too crowded to move and It was a 20 minute ride to work. FML

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29827

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By murp - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26452

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By talker - United States - Middletown

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

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10491

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22914

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By ambermcnulty - France

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

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24058

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By Lauren - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

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37534

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4148

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 20:00

Let me in!

Today, I was turned away from a private event by security for being a girl. My name is Max; the name on the guest list was Max, but the security meathead insisted Max can only be a man's name and threw me out of the building. I was the event's key lecturer, and without me the event was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2024

You deserved it

156

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By titoutou222 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

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27412

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By yummy - United States

Terminology

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

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19503

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By annonn - Brunei Darussalam - Bandar Seri Begawan

Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML

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17068

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By whatdidIdo - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML

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36679

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By duped - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

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16169

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 03:02

Kids, it doesn't get any better

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

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1728

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By tanisLX - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

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36104

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9627

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By bymyself

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

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30558

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3803

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By Shock91 - China - Beijing

Milky Milky

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1412

You deserved it

290

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By Slayeddd - United States

Today, I realized that I have to block my number to get my own mother to take my phone calls. FML

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35171

You deserved it

3552

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

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29890

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

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69064

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Top comments

By Doortje | 28

#2132714 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:09

A bump made you hit someone? Please, you were just looking for an excuse to slap the old nuttsack.

By memo619 | 0

#2132759 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:21

it'd be funnier if the old man punched you back

COMMENTS

By andruha1123 | 5

#2132675 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:04

ydi for hitting on old men

Bano360 | 25

#2132708 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:09

Hitting on?

Danny300 | 0

#2132718 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:10

Fail

GeraldisTheG | 3

#2132780 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:29

what's wrong with hitting/hitting on old men? they so sexc

iBanana | 17

#2133050 - Monday 28 February 2011 14:12

Thats a win win for the bus driver. He got your money, AND he kicked off a malichious person. :D

GtDriver | 6

#2135301 - Tuesday 1 March 2011 5:00

Malicious.

BisFitty | 7

#2137531 - Tuesday 1 March 2011 18:17

ur lucky it wasn't epic beard man!

By MizzKrista | 0

#2132681 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:04

first! sorry OP that suck!

MizzKrista | 0

#2132703 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:08

^sucks!

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#2132723 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:11

You are a failure. Second and now third. You lose the race. Here is a fuckin' lolly for your participation. Acehole.

MizzKrista | 0

#2132729 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:13

Wow! Really?? I think I kinda figured that out already dumbass!

By Doortje | 28

#2132714 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:09

A bump made you hit someone? Please, you were just looking for an excuse to slap the old nuttsack.

insanesna1l | 0

#2132789 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:32

what's that got to do with hitting old people?

chrstygrl06 | 10

#2132815 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:38

Because he is old..

you_and_me_fml | 8

#2132842 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:46

i know right, gosh.. thats everyones excuse these days

chrstygrl06 | 10

#2132848 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:46

Oops, wrong comment, sorry:)

Hanimon | 0

#2132938 - Monday 28 February 2011 13:36

Who can resist the ol' nutsack nowadays -.-

emodude44 | 0

#2133925 - Monday 28 February 2011 19:51

In gay porno, Old nutsack slap you!

CommonSenseKarma | 17

#2135071 - Tuesday 1 March 2011 3:40

I rather fancy the idea that the old guy rammed his head into your fist. Old people these days... can't get enough socialism on their own.

By AnagenisisZagus | 13

#2132732 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:13

You hit an old man? Accidently? Oh my! How could this be? Back of the bus, sister-fucker! Hah, you wish. Walk your uncoordinated ass home.

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#2132889 - Monday 28 February 2011 13:12

I probably should not have said the whole sister thing, huh?

TheSilencer30 | 13

#6703339 - Monday 17 October 2016 4:42

What did you say

By Stupidpeopleanno | 5

#2132739 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:17

At least you burned some calories?

By guy0ne101 | 0

#2132749 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:20

cool story

By memo619 | 0

#2132759 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:21

it'd be funnier if the old man punched you back

WillemCoster | 0

#2132823 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:40

that would be a great fml " i was on the bus it hit a bump i accidently hit an old man then he broke my nose Fml" lol

By Jonkbaby | 19

#2132761 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:21

being on a bus while hitting the bumps is the best part for a male

By testthecoal | 5

#2132768 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:23

at least you didn't pick you nose when he hit that bump

By blinkee_115 | 0

#2132769 - Monday 28 February 2011 12:25

Did the old man cry?

iIixoxiIi | 0

#2132968 - Monday 28 February 2011 13:42

I believe so, otherwise the driver wouldn't let him get off!