Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the back of the neck because I was talking to a woman online. It was a public Call Of Duty match, I have no control over who I play with, plus I wasn’t even talking specifically to whoever this woman was, just to the people in general like all COD players. FML
Today, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment because I won’t play Call of Duty with her brother. This kid loses his temper violently at family board games, how the fuck does she think he’ll react when he gets mercilessly wiped out by COD players who don’t give a toss about his feelings? FML
Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML
Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
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Top comments
sarcasmine 19
At least you weren't playing monopoly. It would've turned out worse
baxterlondon 10
at least you got a gamer chick to marry you
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Comments (143)
ashtic 20
That means you won
Irakli_1 27
Glad it's on call of duty only :D
coraline123c 23
Im the kind of person where if somone lets me win, it drives me up the damn wall; like some people just need to chill and accept that some people are better than others when it comes to certain things like theres nothing wrong with that
echarlotte 19
"Today I was savagely beating my wife"
Sathane 21
Pfft. Whatever. men need to hold themselves back so insecure women don't get their delicate feelings hurt? Sounds like she need to suck it up and learn to play, or stick to competing in dish washing competitions.
MzZombicidal 36
Sounds like you got your feelings hurt just from reading the FML.
cocofan187 8
Generally "today, I was savagely beating my wife"
ThatOneFMLer 7
Just read the first seven words. It takes on a whole new meaning...
buddy_J 16
Can never please women. Do what they ask, they get mad and or think you're a pushover Don't don't do what they ask, you're an asshole who never listens
writerchic85 26
You should have rephrased that first sentence there lol
RecklessNapkin 16
At first i thought it just said beating...then i read the FML