Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the back of the neck because I was talking to a woman online. It was a public Call Of Duty match, I have no control over who I play with, plus I wasn’t even talking specifically to whoever this woman was, just to the people in general like all COD players. FML
Today, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment because I won’t play Call of Duty with her brother. This kid loses his temper violently at family board games, how the fuck does she think he’ll react when he gets mercilessly wiped out by COD players who don’t give a toss about his feelings? FML
Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML
Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sarcasmine 19
At least you weren't playing monopoly. It would've turned out worse
baxterlondon 10
at least you got a gamer chick to marry you
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
Elban 20
She asked for it, sir. I hope you knifed the shit outta her.
rldostie 19
"At." Beating my wife "at" Call of Duty. Otherwise grammatically this is a whole different kind of FML.
chinaski7628 32
Eh—preposition usage can vary by region/dialect. Some people wait 'for' the bus, others wait 'on' it. Also, if Call of Duty is an online game (and forgive me, I'm really ignorant about gaming), than "on" would be the more apt preposition. Don't sweat the small stuff.
DrHothead 15
Guess you got a true gamer grill
saffy66 34
You poor guy - you still haven't learned to translate 'woman-speak' into English. Either that or you were acting way too happy about winning. But she'll get over it. Just don't get so savage next time.
worldclassrager 41
It's kind of hard to play easy on COD...I know how she feels...
prostar9993 15
That's what happens when you play video games with women
riddhi 16
for a second i thought it was a case of domestic violence
Elban 20
oh it was... just virtual
9a_1z 12
This is why I only play cooperative games with my partner, we're both a bit stubborn as it is, add an element of competition in there and it would be carnage.
Richard6036 13
Wow that's a bit rough isn't it I hope you guys made up
DvNavi 6
I got very alarmed when I started reading the first sentence "today, I was savagely beating my wife"