Animals: Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been...

By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

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Animals

Instadrama

Mother of the year

BO Central

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

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By bertthelamb - United States

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Multitasking

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2021 11:01 - Canada - Mirabel

Fuck this pandemic

Today, working from home and to escape my own toddler, I moved my work area into the bedroom. Perfect timing for the neighbor's toddler to scream at the top of his lungs. All day long, underneath my bedroom. I just wanted some peace and quiet to work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 11:01

One law for me, one law for thee

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a poly relationship. He said he wants to sleep with other people, but I can't in case I get feelings for them. Thats not what poly means, dude. FML

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By kkmirw

Pissed

Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML

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By LetsMakeLove - United States

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

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By insearch4i - United States

Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

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By draggirl - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

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By fatblooddonor

Today, I donated blood at a blood drive. As is the usual for blood drives, I was offered a shirt after donating. The worker handing out the shirts asked me for my size. I said that I was a medium. He looked me over, then asked, "Are you sure?" FML

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By footyfallout - Canada

Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

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By chickenshit4 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

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By wow babe - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

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By jack - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

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By FartyCar

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

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By ENDmySUFFERING - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

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By Renna303

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

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By he's still not convinced - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

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By Etown - United States - Evansville

Today, a friend texted me to get a ticket and go to the theme park with her tomorrow. I bought a ticket and didn't hear from her until 5 hrs later to say she was sorry, but she doesn't think she'll be going. It was $65 and non refundable. FML

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By chee - United States

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

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By Anonymous - Ukraine

Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML

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By Username

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

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By CatLitterLover - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

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By coveholli - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML

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By rb - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

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By jacked - United States

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greenfield

Today, I got fired from my childcare job of five years because the other staff weren't as popular with the kids, so they accused me of being "creepy" because the kids all wanted to play a game with me instead of them. FML

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By Shitty genes, no two ways about it. - Australia - Perth

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

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By randinosaur - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

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By mooseknuckle - United States

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

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By RuinedTheMood - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By ssenmodnaR

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

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Top comments

By wangwong | 8

#6309057 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:06

Hey, you would run away too if the horse sat on you and started farting

By staychill | 16

#6309056 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:06

Gas does make your transportation move faster!

COMMENTS

By Kobeh | 13

#6309053 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:05

Did you happen to also sneeze so hard that you dislodged a kidney stone?

wtffml1979 | 22

#6309119 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:51

That is a case of the thunder butt.

swenny_xoxo | 18

#6309355 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 15:49

Thinking about the one from the guy who sneezed so hard it did that? Also, why isn't this a top comment?

By foreveralone7_fml | 17

#6309055 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:06

Man, that really stinks.

bingalingading | 12

#6309523 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 19:04

*sigh* Always that one person...

By staychill | 16

#6309056 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:06

Gas does make your transportation move faster!

By wangwong | 8

#6309057 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:06

Hey, you would run away too if the horse sat on you and started farting

EvilTurtle | 35

#6309059 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:07

You put a really weird image in my head, #3

davincidasecond | 24

#6309149 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 8:55

I know I would.

TeasinDaNoobs | 16

#6309632 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 20:25

This comment made my day?

kittykat1501 | 31

#6310351 - Thursday 4 June 2015 13:54

Why the question mark?

By SpartyOnWayne | 18

#6309058 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:07

Better out than in, I always say

By Hildy93 | 21

#6309063 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:08

How much damage does a fart need to do to be classified as 'violent'

freddygasman | 18

#6309904 - Thursday 4 June 2015 2:31

Apparently, enough to spook a horse.

By FitFriday | 32

#6309065 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:09

As a fellow horse rider I find the situation absolutely hilarious, FYL OP

By CharlesEmersonW | 31

#6309075 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:16

Even though "violence" was involved, no horses were harmed during the riding exercise !
Suck's about the fall you took though :-/

sarriemeow | 2

#6310946 - Friday 5 June 2015 2:05

Actually, horses who people ride are harmed. Bits hurt their delicate facial muscles, and the weight of a human rider causes arthritis, spine problems, and knee problems.

By zykrithium | 22

#6309079 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:17

Ha apparently you didn't train it that well. FYL

By WCARlover | 34

#6309081 - Wednesday 3 June 2015 7:17

I am picturing you laying on the ground writhing in pain while farting uncontrollably and it's a sad but hilarious image