Miscellaneous: Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

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46919

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Great guy

Nothing honey, nothing

By pixiegirl - United States

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

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27542

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By ikickgingers - United States

Today, I found out my boss and some employees on my floor have bets placed on who can get the best picture of my ass. I found out when one of the pictures was accidentally sent to me. FML

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34503

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

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8285

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

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31679

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By Anyonymous_101

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

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1686

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By Username - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

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48164

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By My_Name_Is_Zach

Today, my neighbor called me on vacation to tell me that she let my mother into my house to feed my fish. I don't have fish, and my mother passed away 3 years ago. FML

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37495

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

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27444

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By fml - United States - Huntsville

Really!

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

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By Noname - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

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24816

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By cullenthegreat - United States - Villanova

Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

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11000

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By patate

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4715

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317

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By PrincessOhNo - United States - Bronx

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

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7881

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By Elizabeth Ann

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

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2345

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By Allie cat

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

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9402

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I texted her and I would never talk to her again. But I accidentally sent it to my other best friend, who responded, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out". My two best friends cheated with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62201

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4732

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By Dr_Gip - United States

Today, I was so engrossed in a phone call that I drove off without pumping gas after I'd prepaid $50. FML

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8902

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By keepsmiling - France

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

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17350

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By BFH4Life - United Kingdom

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

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36809

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By ChubbyButt - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was at the doctor's for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, "Oh and if you could lose some weight, that'd be great." FML

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35997

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By dino0123 - United States - Herndon

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

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32344

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By chelsay05 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

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10323

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By Bro

Today, I found out that my wife of five years is also my half-sister. She has no idea, I don't know how to tell her, and I've never been more turned on. FML

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2433

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By Anonymous

Today, after dating a guy for 2 months, things seemed to be going well. I offered to buy dinner and trusted he would keep in mind that I'm a college student on a budget. He picked the restaurant, ran up the bill over $100, made me pay, and dumped me right after. FML

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By thanksmom - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

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33537

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By unicornlove - 17/7/2020 20:01

No soup for you

Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML

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1765

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By Lisa - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

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28090

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 02:00

Not having a good time, really

Today, I not only woke up with yet another splitting headache, but I stubbed my toe and my desktop kept crashing. That wouldn't be too terrible if it wasn't the second day in a row of bad luck, which previously involved someone stealing my card info and buying gamer keys with it the day after I got paid. FML

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By betterthanhodor - United Kingdom - Woodbridge

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

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53834

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

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31536

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend made me a chocolate cake to try and cheer me after my dog died. My dog died because my dad fed him chocolate. FML

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20231

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

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14596

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By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

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19604

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

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27179

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By gross - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

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47203

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

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By anon. - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me". FML

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31433

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1741415 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:03

I love old people.

I cannot wait for the day that I am old and can do whatever the fuck I want wherever the fuck I want.

By C19_fml | 9

#1741407 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

Epic.

COMMENTS

By STr8_CaLi_d0p3 | 4

#1741402 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

gross

fakeaccountX | 6

#1741568 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:40

When you are confused beyond belief, the fart is the only intelligent response.

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#1741707 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:33

It's how she can start walking again
Get that extra helping of torque

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1741715 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:37

I dont get it...

Charlotteeexx | 0

#1741803 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:07

my cock is a flower

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1741867 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:23

is it just me or do old people have the longest and loudest farts? I once experienced on that went for at least 40 secs and moved between tenor and bass.

FarSide | 22

#1742347 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 2:55

You should have told Grandma it WAS a computer, and then shot video as she tried to FaceBook her friends with it.

smashgrab | 0

#1742416 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:16

102 wins everything!

bigblue95 | 0

#1742425 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:18

she probably thought u said cock. lmao

Hamsterzilla | 0

#1743053 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 7:15

WOW.

icecreamdriveby | 5

#1744360 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 14:20

Haha 52, your comment made my night.

pwincessa23 | 1

#1758337 - Saturday 27 November 2010 9:52

WTF? "ur cock is a flower"??!!!! really?!

th3b0ss | 0

#1759454 - Saturday 27 November 2010 15:16

bazinga

creamofwheat | 4

#1760064 - Saturday 27 November 2010 19:42

Gee, I didn't know you POSSESSED a cock.

By novair | 5

#1741405 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

zing

H3ALTHFR3AK | 0

#1741662 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:19

the same bitch probably tries to drive

TheOptimist | 0

#1742298 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 2:35

Someone's a sleepwalker.

By C19_fml | 9

#1741407 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

Epic.

anorexicbarbie | 8

#1741755 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:53

No, it's not you douchebag.

Only oceans, long narratives, and the cosmos are epic.

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#1741940 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:42

Literally owned, literally

killjimmy | 0

#1742247 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 2:15

Actually, it would be figuratively.

CoachLlama | 5

#1742366 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:01

Someone has been reading a certain pirates page.

kittydidit | 0

#1742650 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:33

Epic indeed, C19. I couldn't agree more.

fluorescentadole_fml | 8

#3760518 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 11:16

I love you 58 and 73! I wish all these dumbasses hadn't learned the word epic!

By tommyxtroutx23 | 0

#1741409 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

Change her diaper!!

KRYPTON1T3 | 5

#2008440 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 6:26

lmao! wow.

By River_Hill_Kid | 0

#1741413 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:03

i remember the fifth time that happened to me...

crazykidd15 | 0

#1742012 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:59

lol I hate when that happens!

Elizabeth123654 | 0

#1743393 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:24

whut..!?

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1741415 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:03

I love old people.

I cannot wait for the day that I am old and can do whatever the fuck I want wherever the fuck I want.

xLil_Mx | 0

#1742118 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 1:44

So you gonna wear that tiger costume when you're old?

MuchDance90s | 0

#1742438 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:21

me too

Argento1301 | 0

#1742588 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:13

right on

passwordusername | 0

#1742935 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 6:19

Hehe, based on your pic, you aready do what the heck you want ...

Troll45 | 0

#1744294 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 13:52

that's not him that pic is all over the internet

SebIsBest | 0

#1745836 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:18

Old people FTW.

owencgray | 10

#5817215 - Sunday 5 January 2014 4:43

yep

By DocBastard | 38

#1741437 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:09

I'm old! I was confused!

/Uncle Leo

devileyekill | 0

#1741541 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:32

It was just a book they way overreacted.

michael666 | 7

#5632054 - Saturday 17 August 2013 23:25

uncle leo was a random friendly super mutant in fallout 3, I wonder what ever happened to him..

By bladomas | 2

#1741450 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:11

lmao, stupid grandma, shoot her

nikki456123 | 0

#1741822 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:11

when your old I hope your grandchildren shoot u

marylovesyou8D | 7

#1742843 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 5:45

I would hate to be your grandmother.

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2376078 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 5:30

dickface

By Zoesbiggestfan | 0

#1741455 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:11

XD Funniest fml ever

By Herox | 0

#1741463 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:13

its worse than Saddam's mustard gas!

OolioFoolio | 0

#1743684 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 10:22

Win.