Miscellaneous: Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing...

By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 17:35 - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 942

You deserved it 5 952

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Age difference

Unfortunate

Snitched

By sixxie - 29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 2 291

Narcissistic parents

By wendy - 01/04/2021 10:59

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 29/09/2018 13:30

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 683

You deserved it 435

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 405

You deserved it 62 887

By Brian - 23/12/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 061

You deserved it 2 449

By KittKatt - 20/05/2015 05:34 - United States - Lehighton

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 931

You deserved it 4 540

By Bad Artist - 07/05/2014 14:55 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link to a "horrible" tattoo that he found online, that a guy had gotten at my tattoo parlor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 962

You deserved it 9 756

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 08:23 - France

Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 832

You deserved it 4 341

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 783

You deserved it 2 654

By Jmdezy - 05/04/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 756

You deserved it 24 109

By mrmatt008 - 17/07/2009 12:07 - France

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 961

You deserved it 7 487

By SoGoodAtLife - 09/03/2016 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 280

You deserved it 6 590

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 02:47 - United States - Killington

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 413

You deserved it 4 477

Once you see it…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 278

By frenchgirlll - 27/04/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 833

You deserved it 12 708

FEED ME

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 23:02

Today, I woke up in a military hospital, after having all four wisdom teeth out yesterday. A nurse came in with a breakfast trolley full of eggs and bacon, looks at my pleading face, looks at her clipboard and says, "Only non-solid foods for you, private." FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 121

By sleepwalker - 14/09/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 552

You deserved it 8 359

By Photagrapher - 18/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 454

You deserved it 17 732

By Anonymous - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 891

You deserved it 11 379

By nobodywasthere - 29/11/2017 01:30

Today, I explained to my teacher that I wasn't at school yesterday due to three doctor appointments for my moderate epilepsy. Yesterday was senior skip day. She gave me detention for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 180

You deserved it 408

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 17:26 - United States

Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 715

You deserved it 5 535

By Embarrassed - 05/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 010

You deserved it 422

By CPD - 15/10/2011 04:12 - Canada

Today, I made a half-hour bike ride to the movie store, only to realize I'd forgotten my money. I made the ride back home, grabbed my money, went back to the store, paid, then made a second ride home. I got home exhausted, and opened the case. They gave me the wrong movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 223

You deserved it 6 134

By LunaCrow - 10/02/2015 02:32 - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 399

You deserved it 3 112

BFF

By BFFN - 14/04/2016 15:36 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14-year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 583

You deserved it 1 327

By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 20:09 - United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 3 025

Rough school

By strayking - 24/05/2021 17:01

Today, my daughter admitted that she doesn’t have any friends at her elementary school. When I asked her why, she said it was because whenever she talks to any of the other kids, she gets punched in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 64

By 123_omg - 15/01/2019 14:00

Today, I got a surround sound system from my best friend. I didn't even have it hooked up when the sub woofer fell to the floor and smashed. I don't know if it can be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 23:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 526

You deserved it 10 073

By chubrubber - 04/09/2016 18:57 - United States - Bronx

Today, I participated in a walk for charity. Even though I was supposed to walk 5K, I stopped after 3K because the pain from my thighs rubbing together nearly sent me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 982

You deserved it 2 337

By fml...really - 27/11/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 427

You deserved it 4 078

By thissinglelife - 06/09/2013 06:42 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 223

You deserved it 3 111

Intense

By AloneAtPerkins - 21/12/2020 23:04

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 93

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 4 238

Wake up call

By das_shizzle - 05/05/2020 23:00

Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 937

You deserved it 2 202

By pathetic - 29/05/2009 02:35 - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 045

You deserved it 59 236

By Christina - 29/06/2012 05:31 - United States - Aurora

Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 371

You deserved it 3 080

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 07:13 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 036

You deserved it 3 524

By jlujan00 - 18/11/2015 23:40 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 135

You deserved it 2 886

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Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:03

I love old people. I cannot wait for the day that I am old and can do whatever the fuck I want wherever the fuck I want.

fakeaccountX 6

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:40

When you are confused beyond belief, the fart is the only intelligent response.

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 4

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

gross

fakeaccountX 6

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:40

When you are confused beyond belief, the fart is the only intelligent response.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:33

It's how she can start walking again Get that extra helping of torque

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:37

I dont get it...

Charlotteeexx 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:07

my cock is a flower

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:23

is it just me or do old people have the longest and loudest farts? I once experienced on that went for at least 40 secs and moved between tenor and bass.

FarSide 22

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 2:55

You should have told Grandma it WAS a computer, and then shot video as she tried to FaceBook her friends with it.

smashgrab 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:16

102 wins everything!

bigblue95 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:18

she probably thought u said cock. lmao

Hamsterzilla 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 7:15

WOW.

icecreamdriveby 5

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 14:20

Haha 52, your comment made my night.

pwincessa23 1

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Saturday 27 November 2010 9:52

WTF? "ur cock is a flower"??!!!! really?!

th3b0ss 0

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Saturday 27 November 2010 15:16

bazinga

creamofwheat 4

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Saturday 27 November 2010 19:42

Gee, I didn't know you POSSESSED a cock.

novair 5

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

zing

H3ALTHFR3AK 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:19

the same bitch probably tries to drive

TheOptimist 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 2:35

Someone's a sleepwalker.

C19_fml 9

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

Epic.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 23:53

No, it's not you douchebag. Only oceans, long narratives, and the cosmos are epic.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:42

Literally owned, literally

killjimmy 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 2:15

Actually, it would be figuratively.

CoachLlama 5

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:01

Someone has been reading a certain pirates page.

kittydidit 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:33

Epic indeed, C19. I couldn't agree more.

fluorescentadole_fml 8

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Tuesday 20 December 2011 11:16

I love you 58 and 73! I wish all these dumbasses hadn't learned the word epic!

tommyxtroutx23 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:02

Change her diaper!!

KRYPTON1T3 5

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 6:26

lmao! wow.

River_Hill_Kid 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:03

i remember the fifth time that happened to me...

crazykidd15 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:59

lol I hate when that happens!

Elizabeth123654 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 9:24

whut..!?

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:03

I love old people. I cannot wait for the day that I am old and can do whatever the fuck I want wherever the fuck I want.

xLil_Mx 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 1:44

So you gonna wear that tiger costume when you're old?

MuchDance90s 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 3:21

me too

Argento1301 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:13

right on

passwordusername 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 6:19

Hehe, based on your pic, you aready do what the heck you want ...

Troll45 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 13:52

that's not him that pic is all over the internet

SebIsBest 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:18

Old people FTW.

owencgray 10

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Sunday 5 January 2014 4:43

yep

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:09

I'm old! I was confused! /Uncle Leo

devileyekill 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:32

It was just a book they way overreacted.

michael666 7

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Saturday 17 August 2013 23:25

uncle leo was a random friendly super mutant in fallout 3, I wonder what ever happened to him..

bladomas 2

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:11

lmao, stupid grandma, shoot her

nikki456123 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 0:11

when your old I hope your grandchildren shoot u

marylovesyou8D 7

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 5:45

I would hate to be your grandmother.

ichikibobivopula 0

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Wednesday 20 April 2011 5:30

dickface

Zoesbiggestfan 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:11

XD Funniest fml ever

Herox 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 22:13

its worse than Saddam's mustard gas!

OolioFoolio 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 10:22

Win.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 118

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 44

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