Love: Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted... - FML

By skid - 02/06/2015 14:59 - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 998

You deserved it 3 093

Age difference

One each

Is that how it works?

Who's a good boy? Not you.

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Newark

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 611

You deserved it 3 364

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 08:06 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 341

You deserved it 4 410

By KateD - 06/03/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 716

You deserved it 2 772

By itssdianaa - 29/06/2010 03:18 - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 27 814

By Anonymous - 05/05/2013 19:35 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 840

You deserved it 6 003

By VladyBoi - 01/11/2011 00:18 - United States

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 189

You deserved it 5 714

By worriedman - 03/07/2015 15:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 009

You deserved it 2 126

By thornrose22 - 01/11/2009 00:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. After about five minutes, he sneezes violently on me. I don't know what's worse, him getting snot all over my intimate bits or the fact that the sneeze felt better then what he was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 062

You deserved it 3 161

By Deadfish - 26/07/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 285

You deserved it 7 124

By tkr - 06/02/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 39 816

By allergic_to_bull - 08/10/2014 18:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 453

You deserved it 4 237

By Girl - 19/08/2009 00:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 987

You deserved it 5 305

By cats before idiots - 25/04/2019 18:00

Today, I brought my boyfriend to my house for the first time. He freaked out when he saw my cat, and had to leave because he's allergic. I've posted many pictures of my cat in Instagram, but he didn't say anything about his allergy because he thought it was just a random cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 275

You deserved it 257

By Loser - 12/05/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 113

You deserved it 151 435

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 077

You deserved it 5 128

Call the FBI on her ass

By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 03:11

Today, I got home from work to I find my cash box open and empty. My mom walked up and said, "If you have a lock that easy to pick, you don't deserve the money." There was 650 dollars in there. She refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 159

By toothfairy - 26/06/2009 14:20 - United Kingdom

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 631

You deserved it 2 968

By FUSheldon - 28/11/2012 05:15 - United States - Millstadt

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 805

You deserved it 4 883

By uninvited - 04/02/2016 15:16 - United States - Boston

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 1 735

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 468

You deserved it 5 345

By myl1f3isfuct - 11/07/2013 00:15 - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 340

You deserved it 4 369

By anonymous198913 - 04/02/2017 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 014

You deserved it 685

By cheezmaster - 16/12/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 746

You deserved it 2 553

Two wheels not so good

By Dana O'Neil - 24/04/2021 00:30

Today, it's been 4 days of recovering from a motorcycle accident. Which happened 5 hours after it was delivered. I went face-first through a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 827

By mr_flarpin - 22/08/2012 00:37 - United States - Stoneham

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 216

You deserved it 7 519

By anonymous - 27/01/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 877

You deserved it 8 263

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 15:21 - Norway - Trondheim

Spicy

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 191

You deserved it 6 799

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 122

Whoops

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 094

You deserved it 6 320

By Vinny1017 - 07/10/2010 14:26 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father if I could marry his daughter. He smiled, shook my hand, and said "No, now get out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 354

You deserved it 4 821

Frustration level: 2000

By Anonymous - 12/08/2020 05:01

Spicy

Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 329

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 042

You deserved it 58 787

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 371

You deserved it 32 190

By Class - 11/05/2012 23:52 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 141

You deserved it 4 413

By Anonymous - 24/06/2015 17:41

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 194

You deserved it 2 436

By ajodasdojsad - 21/03/2015 15:12 - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 928

You deserved it 3 884

By fuckingdieyouoldhag - 20/05/2014 20:08 - United States

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 571

You deserved it 9 608

Orwellian nightmare

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 13:47 - Austria - Vienna

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 120

You deserved it 3 266

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 03:16 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I had to explain to a friend that the show writers for Glee did not write "Bohemian Rhapsody" and that Freddie Mercury did not steal the song from them. We're both 17 years old, and she reacted by kicking a chair at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 148

You deserved it 3 428

By Anonymous - 14/09/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 162

You deserved it 5 491

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

0h_Boy 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:10

Did you at least catch it?

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:11

Hey nothing wrong with being single, embrace it you learn a lot about yourself!

Comments

0h_Boy 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:10

Did you at least catch it?

mistertbawk420 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 2:32

you would think so, unless she's shorter than a ten year old at 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 2:36

aiimhph ;)

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 6:28

At 10 I was taller than my mom and half the women in my family. It's possible.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:10

Well hopefully you're the one who caught the bouquet!

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 9:11

It's better than a 10-year-old being the next one to get married...

Send a private message

Friday 5 June 2015 14:15

Depends on the country. "I failed to catch the bouquet... Now my cousin will be a child bride. FML." Too dark?

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:11

Hey nothing wrong with being single, embrace it you learn a lot about yourself!

shemademedoit 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 4:39

I agree with you. but there's also that point where you are tired of being single and you want to find somebody....... yet again she is only saying that she participated and not that she's feeling lonely :|

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 6:23

Being single and alone forever isn't a fun thing either.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 17:48

I also agree with you. And like other commenters have said, being single and alone may not be very fun at times, but that shouldn't mean that we become so desperate for a relationship that we are willing to settle for less than we deserve.

cosmicdancer84 7

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2015 3:50

you can be single and still have fun ;)

Brandi_Faith 33

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2015 7:07

I agree with what the others are saying. Being single sucks sometimes (says the single 29yr old) and sometimes you know yourself too well. Being single can really suck, but on the flip side you shouldn't just settle either.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:12

So you were probably the tallest and was able to catch it

mistertbawk420 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 2:33

what a great observation

militarybrat 21

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2015 6:51

Not entirely true. Ive met some super tall 10-12 yr olds

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:15

Okay. Not going to lie that sucks. But it's still not over for you. My mum got married at age 37.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:45

It is encouraging to hear success stores of women who were able to have kids at a later age! Thanks for sharing darling! :)

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 1:13

I saw "My mum got married at age 37." Not "My mum started having children at age 37." Who says you have kids once you're married?

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 1:15

@#31 "My mum"= my mother = I am her child. She had me after she got married. For religious and moral reasons and what not. (:

e_is_for_eli 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 2:48

one of my teachers got married at 45 and is so glad that she waited because she found the right person. age is not the most important thing, finding someone you're happy with is.

Brandi_Faith 33

Send a private message

Thursday 4 June 2015 7:09

21, my aunt didn't have her second kid till she was 39.

MdMan2 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:15

Well… there's nothing wrong with being single. Don't be too hard on yourself.

RickySleeves 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:16

Who else read "single ladies" in Beyonce's voice?

thefmlman2011 35

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:38

put your hands up!

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 1:23

Woah oh oh

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:19

Sure hope nobody thought you were a pedophile.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:24

Why the hell woul-- nevermind. Are you alright? :/

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:28

Oh dont be bothered #12. Some people just want to comment, however stupid it may sound.

darkstarrising 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:20

You caught them flowers right?

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 June 2015 0:21

Good, it's easier RKO a few of ten year olds than people your age. Advantage you.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 26

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 88