Miscellaneous: Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached...

By SoreNips - 12/04/2013 23:57 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 483

You deserved it 13 969

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Same thing different taste

By Sawarski - 07/01/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 655

You deserved it 3 295

By civicman - 27/09/2009 02:19 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 672

You deserved it 66 211

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 979

You deserved it 7 499

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 1 059

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 1 985

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 580

You deserved it 4 860

Body modification

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 14:00

Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 339

Jerk

By Innocence - 13/02/2015 17:33 - United States - Amelia

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 3 537

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 690

You deserved it 38 984

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 16:15 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 967

You deserved it 4 968

osm1989_fml 6

Saturday 13 April 2013 5:34

The way this is worded makes me picture your nipples in tears.

spazz666 18

Saturday 13 April 2013 5:35

"What in the name of Dawkins" that's fantastic. Also, maybe she's just trying to tell you she's into pain. Sure would be a weird way of showing it, but ya know.

Comments

Xatraris 38

Saturday 13 April 2013 6:57

Who is this Dawkins everyone keeps talking about!? He sounds so popular.

geekpower_fml 28

Saturday 13 April 2013 7:14

Google is your friend.

Xatraris 38

Saturday 13 April 2013 9:04

Sarcasm is not. Oh well, doesn't register through to everyone.

hooligyn123 18

Saturday 13 April 2013 14:38

You can only use the sarcasm card when it's legitimate, not to cover up a bad comment.

lylid 2

Saturday 13 April 2013 19:00

richard dawkins, author of "The God Delusion" among other scientific works.

someguy314159265 15

Saturday 13 April 2013 6:59

Well, you took the name of Dawkins in vain, so maybe that's why.

otecasacid 22

Saturday 13 April 2013 7:04

If your girl does something to you, do it back. It'll be alot more arousing to you.

az_trumpet 1

Saturday 13 April 2013 7:08

Well, it could have been worse, she could have stuck a finger up your arse.

CanadianCutie22 16

Saturday 13 April 2013 7:18

as long as she enjoyed it !

geekpower_fml 28

Saturday 13 April 2013 7:18

I used "bacon" in sentences like this, but I shall switch to "Dawkins". Much better.

simplysarcastics 26

Saturday 13 April 2013 7:27

Sometimes people do things like this for amusement or to irritate someone. In high school i would out of no where pinch or pluck my friends for fun in class while they were off guard because it was amusing. Haha. But i never did it to the extent where someone cried! I guess she is just one of those people in a higher form or something. If this is the case, protect them nipples op!! Or give her a purple nurple back!

Bibliovore 26

Saturday 13 April 2013 16:34

You would try to hurt your friends, even minorly, "because it was amusing"? Somehow I doubt the people you did it to were quite so amused, any more than OP was in this case.