I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere about the guy not being the only one getting pussy...

If I'm not mistaken, alcohol definitely had a hand in this scenario.

This is great. Female gets foreplay; Male gets to sleep until it's time to get down to business

Did it hurt so good?

This is rather common with cats! They are genuinely trying to suckle. It’s not some weird thing they will have taught their cat to do! The FML here is not knowing animal behaviour and instantly being weirded out.

Kitten must be delighted to finally get some sweet female nipples, male nipples are probably salty AF.

Just nasty, both the cat and you.

Was he licking your other nipple ?

Don't feel alone. I once woke up in a girl's bed to her cat doing the same. They were apartment cats and frankly a bit weird...