Love: Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 11

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 748

27/09/2009 02:19

Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 644

You deserved it 66 039

Dementia or hate? You decide

I love that for you

The Blob

06/04/2010 07:10

Spicy

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 502

You deserved it 5 866

Race against the clock

By huh? - 22/07/2020 20:00

Today, we found out that my 13-year-old cousin is pregnant. My mom then turned to me and asked why I decided to wait so long. I’m only 20. Instead of being worried that this young girl has potentially ruined her entire life, my mom just complained that her sister "gets to be a grandma first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 388

You deserved it 136

18/11/2013 15:26

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 115

You deserved it 19 373

20/05/2017 04:00

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 329

You deserved it 367

29/08/2009 00:59

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 654

You deserved it 3 871

Weddings from hell

By happybride - 13/04/2018 01:30

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 548

You deserved it 358

05/06/2012 09:03

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 474

You deserved it 2 561

14/09/2014 12:53

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 656

You deserved it 3 333

24/01/2010 06:03

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 4 332

10/12/2018 13:30

Today, not only did my horse step on my foot & refuse to move, he also took the opportunity to crap on my other foot while I was incapable of moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 303

27/08/2010 09:57

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 359

You deserved it 10 030

29/03/2018 19:00

Today, after a week on bed rest in a cast after ankle surgery, I got so bored and lonely I agreed to do an hour-long government phone survey just to have someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 728

You deserved it 372

07/05/2012 04:12

Today, my dad found a couple of coins on the floor next to my desk, and gave me a lecture about how money doesn't grow on trees and how irresponsible I am when it comes to money. They were Chuck E. Cheese tokens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 049

You deserved it 2 679

03/10/2015 04:00

Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 885

You deserved it 3 649

27/01/2011 02:53

Today, I got my phone fixed and the lady who was working on it somehow resent all the old text messages in my outbox. One was to my ex saying "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 031

You deserved it 4 170

29/10/2010 18:29

Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 2 614

13/01/2010 21:40

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 224

You deserved it 42 271

23/12/2008 08:57

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 282

You deserved it 4 710

05/12/2010 17:04

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 824

You deserved it 84 449

19/09/2011 05:09

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 385

You deserved it 4 109

Getting some action

By hugadyle - 18/04/2020 14:00

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 149

10/06/2012 19:50

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 429

You deserved it 2 533

04/02/2012 01:17

Spicy

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 356

You deserved it 3 395

20/08/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 229

10/10/2014 22:34

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 2 967

07/12/2010 16:09

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 030

You deserved it 3 165

24/12/2014 12:03

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 870

You deserved it 2 825

Hey, it's you!

By SlothyMolly - 06/03/2013 17:19

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 769

You deserved it 4 168

02/02/2012 03:11

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 425

You deserved it 3 389

03/11/2016 21:46

Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 210

You deserved it 1 584

24/07/2011 06:22

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 618

You deserved it 3 927

12/08/2009 04:44

Spicy

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 312

You deserved it 10 010

03/08/2012 12:14

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 031

You deserved it 6 277

12/04/2009 18:11

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 310

You deserved it 5 815

18/09/2018 03:00

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 298

Mortified

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08

Spicy

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 219

14/04/2011 17:35

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 4 874

06/09/2014 00:13

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 419

You deserved it 10 773

17/08/2018 15:00

Today, I discovered that my little brother sold my PS2, 3 and 4 along with all of my games in exchange for credits to use in Fortnite. I've had some of that stuff since before he was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 055

You deserved it 174

28/11/2009 22:03

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 375

You deserved it 3 275

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:25

I hate it when my bf doesn't stop. I always end up elbowing him or kicking him. You deserve it for not listening.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:26

Girlfriend used knee! it's super effective! Enemy Gyarados fainted!

Comments

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:25

I hate it when my bf doesn't stop. I always end up elbowing him or kicking him. You deserve it for not listening.

SomeonePosting 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:36

I try not to hit people when I'm being tickled, but I swear. You pester someone and they tell you to stop, but you're surprised that they physically retaliate when you don't?

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Sunday 27 September 2009 15:37

When I do it, it's not like I feel the need to physically retaliate, it's that I CAN'T HELP IT. It's a reflexive action. No matter how many times I tell my boyfriend to stop, he doesn't. Do I feel bad when I accidentally kick him, then? No! I warned him.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 16:20

Hey, atleast she didn't fart. x

ZombieKnickers_fml 8

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Sunday 27 September 2009 16:44

Exactly. I used to always kick my ex there if he didn't listen to me saying no.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 17:21

WTF is with all these fmls about happy sacks. Maybe you're the son of the guy who "marched over and stopped a fight" and the guy who got his squished by a mirror. Notice I said they were both guys. *hand to chin*

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Sunday 27 September 2009 17:59

Holy shit #54, calm the fuck down.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 19:13

lol #58 i agree

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Monday 28 September 2009 3:01

Never kick a guy in the balls, its the worst thing you can ever do. I mean, have you noticed how guys never hit each other in the balls? (unless they're pussies or in a life/death situation) Its because they know how much it hurts. I mean sure, hit him in the stomach but NEVER the "happy sack". Got that? Okay.

lov3dollbabygirl 0

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Wednesday 30 September 2009 11:02

thats because guys never know when a girl says no u better listen damn it!!!

Kronic_Kitten 0

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Monday 12 October 2009 4:23

After I read this I instantly thought about Family Guy when Lois hit Peter with a frying pan lol....but that doesn't mean that this post is fake it's just the result of poor listening skills

cannibalcorpseXD 10

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Sunday 6 December 2009 6:22

I saw that episode Peter was all like" Ahhhhhh....fffffff.....ahhhhhh......ffffff...ahhhhh...ffff. Lois could you do that again I feel smarter." Lol

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Friday 2 April 2010 3:57

they'd be sad sacks after :/

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Sunday 26 September 2010 4:58

I agree 100, if bitches only knew

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Friday 17 June 2011 4:12

listen to people when they tell you to stop! I peed on a guy when I was like 2 cause he wouldn't stop tickling me

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Thursday 11 July 2013 13:16

no #100... I notice a lot of my guy friends yelling "cup check" or "sac tap" to each other then wham... right in the nuts. The real thing you don't do: keep doing something to someone after they say stop

cryssycakesx3 22

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Wednesday 3 September 2014 6:35

i feel like its borderline abuse by way of dismissing her requests to stop and completely disrespecting her personal boundaries, and then quite literally causing her physical and emotional distress.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:26

Girlfriend used knee! it's super effective! Enemy Gyarados fainted!

allmidnighteyes 10

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:34

teehee, you know it, Mercy. :] I still say YDI for ripping off another FML by using "Happy Sacks" though. He needs to come up with another name for it, like Syphilis Worm, or Herpes Dragon.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 14:00

ARE YOU A NINJJAAA??

XOfiestypixie 0

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Sunday 27 September 2009 18:10

I don't know about Mercy, but I'm a ninja. =)

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Sunday 27 September 2009 21:29

In the words of my youngest sister: (laughless) "STOP TICKLING MY FEET!!!" DO you need to say it extra fast? Text it: "STP TKLNG MY FT!"

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Monday 28 September 2009 10:14

"Shite sandbags"

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 2:24

win

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:26

LOL @ "The Happy Sacks"! :P

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:27

Stop means stop in english.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:27

They're not so happy anymore.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:32

I probably would've knee'd you more than once, be happy it wasn't me. [:

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Monday 8 August 2011 1:57

want ma numba? il give ya it beautiful! if ya got a Facebook add me " Domino's Yousif" il be wearing black glasses, if ya don't have one, then make one! il give ya ma numba from there! and tell me your from FML

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:33

I definitely did that to my ex boyfriend a couple times by accident.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:35

dang im sorry brah!!!! most girls ive tickled go crazy but i don't go ott with it....

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:35

who even says "happy sacks" anyways...

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Sunday 27 September 2009 15:48

Plenty of people on this site apparently.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 22:57

I agree, every time "happy sacks" is used, it gets an automatic YDI, because they must be complete tools.

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Sunday 27 September 2009 9:41

Well what can we say, she said stop.