Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML
Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML
Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Cum in 30 minutes or less or it's free!
Snowble11 13
Just imagine the food network
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Comments (62)
Snowble11 13
Just imagine the food network
LO388 7
Crème fraîche?
sens3sfailing 25
This isn't normal?....I need to stop going to Globogym...
seandoc 13
Boston Creme... no? Okay.
Jovecove 13
Omelette du fromage
gatorclay97 28
Fap fap fap
maz95 17
Must've been described as one hell of a pizza!
enormouselephant 15
First we knead the dough, mmm digging our hands all in it. Then we rub pizza sauce all over it and blow cheese on top of it...oh baby.
Misswildsides 22
Who doesn't get turned on over the descriptive words of a mouth watering pizza?!
poopshreds 10
Just look at all that pepperoni and Italian sausage
maz95 17
#9 actually had me somewhere..great job! :p
Osito2011 9
Pizza is no laughing matter. It's up there next to the all mighty bacon!
Sir_ND_Pity 35
Oh, yes, grab that sausage and make pepperoni.
lambda_fml 40
pizza you so sexy...i wanna remove your toppings.
klol_fml 11
At least you werent getting turned on by a banana or a donut.
bombshellbabee01 9
Or a banana and a donut
bombshellbabee01 9
Everybody loves pizza, how could you not be turned on!
ohSNAPyall 27
Yeah! Olive pizza!
redbluegreen 41
Cum in 30 minutes or less or it's free!
manicethemage 9
Your comment made my day.
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Oh come on now!!! Who DOESN'T get turned on by a delicious slice of pizza???
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
That's dirty thinking.... I like you.
LolPieRofl 11
Oh yes now, slowly rub in the sauce, oh yes like that. Now gently sprinkle the cheese so that the sauce has something to hold on. Now roll it up and stick it up your ass. Good Day.
Mister_Triangle 21
Pizza kicks ass. I'd let it diddle my butthole any day.
gc327072 31
^says forever alone guy.
Lauren324 18
A pizza how sexy can it be? Why not something even better like Belgian waffles topped with strawberries and whipped cream. Now I can dream about that....
kevsandy303 12
Well, pizza can look pretty saucy! Or was that pun too cheesy?
jdm_powered 6
I thought that cheese joke was just grate.
andyyroxx 20
I'm gonna Brie honest, that was whey too funny.
jdm_powered 6
no, now you're pieing too hard.
perdix 31
Forever provolone.
BunchieRules 31
Alright guys, I think we Feta stop now. What if Pleonasm or DocBastard get a hold of our String of puns? This Curd be a long, Cerney thread, and nobody's Gouda do Jack about it.
jdm_powered 6
you're right for pizza sake.we'd better stop posting on this shred.
bluevayero 42
mmmmmm Pizzaaaaaa.....
tsent8 15
Really #72 you could have at least said c-c-c- COMBOBREAKER!!! Like the rest of us.
WolfFang2 2
Perdix lol. Again I c a comment from u on something
jezane 9
... Right... Well I don't blame op, after all a fresh out of the oven pizza is pretty hot.
gracehi 33
You know what they say: Pussy is like pizza. If you have good pizza, it's great. If you have bad pizza...it's still pretty good.
sens3sfailing 25
Or if its bad it gets all over your shirt?
LiterOfCola 16
A bad pizza is a fishy pizza
mega20913 8
mmmmm.... pepperoni
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
My thoughts exactly.