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  zitromd  |  6

He "looked lovingly into her eyes". Doesn't seem like he set the mood for a joke to me. I don't see how anyone could consider that a joke. I personally find polygamy extremely offensive, not to mention disgusting.

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  TexasBitch  |  5

Asking doesn't make it any better. You get married because you want to be with that one person. It is so disrespectful to ask of you can be with other people. If you don't want to be exclusive then don't get married.

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  NYandow  |  5

Guys, I know it's FML, but in an effort to reduce ignorance, do a little research. Commenting about polygamy in Utah because of the Mormons that live there is very uneducated and makes you look bad. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has denounced polygamy and any who practice it for over a century. Any more questions feel free to ask me, or other representatives of the church. Mormon.org

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  Stunt_fml  |  6

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  tib_fml  |  6

Actually, polygamy means having more than one husband or wife at the same time. Polyandry is when a woman has more than one husband and polygyny is when a man has more than one wife.

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  zargon  |  6

A quick linguistics lesson for you: poly - many gamy - marriage andry - man gyny - woman hence: polygamy - many marriage polyandry - many man polygyny - many woman (Yeah, I know that I didn't break down the roots to their basic forms, but it was easier to just rip them from the words I was going for.)

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  tmiller53  |  6

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By  shaynashakesit  |  7

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  fleg  |  7

..."try it out"???? Are you serious? This is her marriage. Some people don't take it seriously. It's not a car, you dimwit. You can't take polygamy for a "test drive".

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Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  lexiBRo  |  7

OP is from the US where polygamy is ILLEGAL, so no, your idea to "try it out" is dumb, besides the fact that polygamy usually serves religious, cultural, or economic purposes not something you experiment with for the hell of it.

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Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  paperfox_fml  |  7

It's a relationship #17, not a workplace statistic. If 2 women are happy sharing 1 man, then that's fine and dandy. They don't need to run out and fetch another man to join the relationship just to avoid looking sexist. I'm as big a fan of feminism as anyone else, but please try not to see sexism in every situation. It makes normal women look crazy.

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  fleg  |  7

Listen dimwit, the fact that I disagree with you does not make me closed-minded. Marriage IS a special relationship. In most places, it's a religious and legal bond that this man entered willingly. "Forsaking all others" is pretty specific. I don't have a problem with any form of polygamy if that's what you're into. But if it's something you believe in so strongly, you discuss it before marriage. You don't spring it on your partner 5 years into a marriage. So no, you don't just "try it out". If he's not happy with just one person, he shouldn't have married her. And while polygamy may be practiced in other places, it's fucking ILLEGAL in the US. If a marriage doesn't work out, you get a divorce. You don't just add on more people. She is obviously not comfortable with the idea. And she has every right to say no.

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  lexiBRo  |  7

Sure, a first date can be equated to a "test-drive", but an actual relationship/marriage involves commitment and is not a test. Although marriage isn't always permanent, it is intended to be. OP's husband didn't say hey honey let's be swingers or something, he suggested polygamy which is serious. Although I think since he said that post-sex he might just be a douche-bag that meant lets swing.

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  lexiBRo  |  7

I think OP's husband might have confused the two terms... I doubt he wanted multiple wives.. He just wanted some extra lovers, hence why this comment came after sex.

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  jjenniferr05  |  7

One thing. Marriage these days, usually has nothing to do with religion.. so i don't know what you're talking about 'in most cases'.. Marriage is a way of declaring your love for eachother, to declare to be with eachother for the rest of their lives. It's not religious, as such. It can be seen as religious, if the people are religious, but these days it is less and less so. But, in fairness, polygamy isn't something that you can just 'test out', it is more of a way of living. People that are polygamists, have many spouses, and there life is formed around this. I perhaps think that the dumbass of a husband, actually meant the term as to be swingers, not for him to have another wife.

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  theanonimouse  |  7

@ paperfox I think Ligerie was just commenting on the fact that the OP's husband probably hadn't even considered adding another man into the relationship. From what I've seen, it's generally one man with multiple wives/lovers, and this set-up is hardly ever questioned. If a woman suggested adding more lovers into the mix, she'd probably be decried as a "whore."

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  lexiBRo  |  7

We are talking about marriage, not just multiple partners. Apparently you don't get it! Polygamy means MARRIAGE to more than one person. He isn't saying hey I want to have a bunch of girlfriends, but rather WIVES! I don't know if you come from some fcuked up household where your dad experiments w/ wives but for most of us marriage IS something a little more PERMANENT. Not an experiment. So yes, that is DUMB!

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  jjenniferr05  |  7

@theanonimouse - Well, how he's come across isn't terrific either is it? I don't know what it's got to do with if a woman did it or not.. The mans come off as a dick so.

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  Ligerie  |  7

Thank you number 36! I'm not a feminist, but I do see a double standard in the whole polygamy issue. I realize this is because men have the power to create more babies at a time than a woman, and THAT'S the reason behind polygamy. To create as many children as possible, not to "share Love". I doubt OP's husband has 16 children in mind when he is asking for more wives.

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  theanonimouse  |  7

@jenifer05 I was kind of just talking about polygamy in general. You should know by now that almost anyone who has any connection with this site is insulted, regardless of gender. It's, like, an unwritten rule.

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i agree with you somewhat but with any relationship, if theres going to be more than two respective partners than whats the point of having any relationship at all, having multiple wives/husbands kind of defeats the purpose of marriage

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Re: fleg - I never said she couldn't say no. I'm just saying that yes, you could test of having another woman in the relationship and if you liked it, move out of the country where it's legal and marry there. You can test things out without the real thing. Date, not marry? That kind of thing. And I agree that waiting five years and springing it on her is ridiculous. I'm just saying that some people are told it's sick when it's not and they could actually enjoy multiple partners. Re: lexiBRo - I agree that it is serious, but is would be like a first date - something somewhat serious that may or may not lead somewhere. I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt, if she was willing and okay with it, to try out multiple partners to see where it led. But you're not understanding what I'm implying with "test drive". I'm saying try out just dating multiples. If you like it, then it could be more serious, with real polygamy. Again, that's not dumb. You're just misunderstanding me.

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  kirby229  |  7

i disagree completely with polygamy. I think those of you defending it and those who participate in it will never understand the true bonds of marriage. Marriage should bond one person with another. You should not be bonded with more than one person in marriage. Having more than one friend is different; you're not having sex and committing to a relationship with them for the rest of your life. Having more than one wife or husband is bound to breed jealousy which does not make a happy household. When/if you have kids their home lives will be confusing and their definition of commitment seriously impaired.

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  theanonimouse  |  7

which is why i believe you should have every right to marry only one person. but i also think people who don't necessarily feel the same way you do should have the option to practice their beliefs and marry multiple people. i don't think anyone should have the right to tell other people what they can and can't do with their lives, unless what they're doing is negatively affecting others.

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  kirby229  |  7

I don't see how polygamy can stay stable. If you can't stay in a relationship with just one person then you probably don't understand how much work love takes. Instead, when you start getting bored of your wives/husbands, you go out to try and find a new one. Other wives/husbands get jealous, which just gets worse. Kids at some point will probably be raised in this environment, which is unstable for them because they see through their parents' example that they must compete for attention. Therefore, it is hurting other people. Any kids raised in that kind of environment would not have a stable home life.

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  theanonimouse  |  7

that's only your opinion. how many polygamist relationships have you observed? also, how is that any less stable an environment to raise a kid in than one in which the mother/father/primary caregiver is a serial monogamist (ie multiple marriages/divorces)? do you think divorce should be illegal? what about having children out of wedlock? should we outlaw that, too? or multiple-family households? there are a lot of unstable environments that kids are raised in, but they're not all outlawed. now, i've never engaged in polygamy, nor have i spent much time around those who do. this is just my opinion based on what i do know. i couldn't provide a stable household environment for a child if i were in a polygamous relationship simply because i would be the "jealous" type. however, i don't project my emotions or my feelings on others, and there are those who claim they get along fine. so who are we to judge?

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  zargon  |  7

@#104: I use female-bodied/male-bodied because they aren't cis-gendered and it was easier than trying to define their genders succinctly for people unfamiliar with different types of non-cis-gender. @#105: And I think people who are afraid of polyamory will never truly understand love, but I'm not about to go force everyone to be monogamous because of this. Polygamy has existed for many years and, outside of Western society, it has been very successful. Sure, you can look at some societies and say "they are using it to oppress the womens so it is bad", but to ignore the societies in which it works and everyone is happy (not to mention the polyandrous ones where the women have multiple husbands!) would be like saying that the Internet is bad because Stormfront uses it to rally racial hate. The rest of us are still using the Internet for good (or, at least, neutral purposes), and a lot of people are happy with polygamy and polyamory. The reason why having multiple friends doesn't breed jealousy is because your friends trust you to still be their friend when you have other friends. Similarly, polyamory only breeds jealousy if you don't trust your partner to love you. And, honestly, if you can't trust your partner to love you, you shouldn't be in a relationship at all, monogamous _or_ polyamorous. And, I am curious as to what will be wrong with the kids home lives. Again, many societies have this set up, with a variety of family situations, including ones where the biological father is the only recognized father, ones where all husbands of the mother are recognized as fathers, ones where the brothers of the father are equally recognized as fathers, etc. And those kids grow up just fine. And, honestly, just because you can't wrap your head around polyamory doesn't mean the kid will be confused. They'll just probably grow up considering polyamory to be a-okay which is great in my opinion. Finally, I _hate_ the stereotype that polyamorists can't commit or are afraid of commitment or whatever. I'll repeat what I said earlier: I'm in a serious relationship with someone who is in a serious relationship with someone else who is in a serious relationship with someone else. We've all committed just fine, just two people in this chain have committed to two people. Sure, it's not a lifelong commitment, but that doesn't mean it couldn't be if we felt so inclined. @#107: Okay, you don't see how polyamory can stay stable. That's your own issue. Plenty of us do see how it can stay stable, and there's no good reason we shouldn't be allowed to. We know exactly how much work love takes. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if we knew better than strictly monogamous people. Take my significant other, for example. Ey works harder for each of eir significant others than any monogamous people I know, and ey does it quite splendidly. Neither of us ever feel like we're being ignored, or that we're competing for attention with the other. In fact, we've both had times where we were worried that we might be getting in the way of the other having attention sometimes. There's nothing to be jealous about, because we trust the people we're with, something you seem to have a problem with. Kids can be raised just fine in such an environment and, honestly, depending on how the particular arrangement is setup, may benefit from having multiple people they could see as parental role models. Also, if you think polyamory is about finding someone else because you're bored of the one you're with, you don't understand it at all. @#108: We appreciate your understanding, I promise :)

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  kirby229  |  7

I will admit to not understanding polyamory. You say it works because you trust your partner.. trust them to what? Trust that they definitely ARE sleeping with someone else? Maybe you see me as close-minded because I won't look beyond my belief in monogamy because that is how I was raised. I see you as close-minded when you say people who haven't engaged in polyamory don't understand love the way you do. I don't have trust issues with my husband; he goes away on business and goes out drinking with his friends all the time and I have absolutely no problem with it. However, that does not mean I wouldn't be jealous if he brought home another woman and told me he loved her, wanted to marry her, or had sex with her. The fact that you say "it may not be a lifelong commitment" proves my point. The bonds of marriage, dating way back, were supposed to be made with every intention of spending the rest of your life with someone. Even polyamory marriages. Now, you seem to see your partner(s) as someone who may or may not be replaceable. I do understand 50% of marriages do end in divorce, but the marriage was made with the intention that they would spend the rest of their lives together. I don't think you have issues with commitment, at least how commitment pertains to your society, since to me commitment is to one person. I just don't believe you understand true bonds of marriage. I have heard of men who have wives but take mistresses because they "need a break" from life at home. Some of them fall in love with their mistresses. I think that is an absolute betrayal to his wife and family, and I see polyamory similarly. Even if the wife knew about it and told her husband she was fine with it that is a betrayal to his family and marriage. (Not trying to say it is always males who do this, that was just the example I chose to use). And how is it you even come about having new wives? Do you decide one day that you'd like to have another wife and start dating again? Like the men who cheat do you decide you need a break from your current family? I honestly am curious. I do know that those societies where the men repress the women and take many many wives are not how all polyamory societies work. I don't believe you are repressing one another, I just believe you don't understand the true meaning of commitment, marriage, or love for your significant other.

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@ #105 kirby229 THANK YOU!!!! for bringing some light into the darkness!! Im neither married nor have i children and i can still understand what you mean, because that is the NORMAL way of life!! We are humans, we aren't animals who just reproduce for the sake of it, we are supposed to have thoughts and feelings!! OP i simpathize with you but your husband doesnt deserve your love. He's not worth it.

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  zargon  |  7

@#134: I really wish that you'd read my post more carefully, since I answer many of your questions in it already. However, I'll be happy to re-answer them with more detail for you. I say that I trust my partner to _still_love_me_ despite loving someone else and having intimate relationships with them. They can go have loving relationships with other people, but I know that they still love me and that these other relationships aren't replacements for me in any way, shape, or form. I mean, honestly, what else could there possibly be to be jealous about, if not the fear that your partner doesn't want you anymore? It makes my partner happy, and my partner still loves me and wants to be with me and puts more work into our relationship than many monogamous people I see, so why should I have a problem with it? It makes no sense to me. As a point of clarification, I never said that monogamous people don't understand love the way I do. I said people who are afraid of polyamory don't. People who understand polyamory and don't knee-jerk "OMG BAD" don't fall under this, even if disagree with it and are strictly monogamous. If you don't believe that a loving polyamorous relationship can exist, you simply don't understand love, in my opinion. The fact that I say 'it may not be a lifelong commitment' proves _nothing_. I'm not saying that we are married, nor am I trying to imply a commitment on par with marriage! There are, in fact other types of committed relationships. I still plan on getting married someday, but that is several years in the future. The fact I am not married today does not mean poly people don't get marriage. I'm going to ignore a large section of your post that I feel is better answered indirectly by the rest of my post than directly by a bit here. I say this so that you know it was intentional, but not as a means of trying to ignore it. If you would prefer I address it directly, ask and I will gladly do so. On to your question about having new partners: How do monogamous people do it? Some people feel they need somebody, so they go looking. That's not my preferred method, nor was it when I was strictly monogamous. All of the poly people I know are happy with one relationship, but then they start to grow close to someone else, and develop feelings for this other person. Rather than suppress these feelings like monogamous people in relationships do, they act on them and end up with another partner, like monogamous people outside of relationships do. They're not searching for someone else, they just happen to find someone. I don't pretend to speak for all poly people when I explain this bit, though, just the ones I know. I am willing to accept that others may be different, but you would have to ask them about it. And I still think it's incredibly ignorant and bigoted to assert that I don't know commitment, marriage, or love just because I don't follow the same model of relationships you do. I'm still not exactly sure where your assertions all come from, but I'm willing to bet that you don't understand how much work poly people put into *each* of their relationships. There's no good reason to say you can't love multiple people simultaneously, and I'd say it's more loving to let your partner be happy with multiple people than to say that you're the only one they're allowed to be with.

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  regalarius  |  7

#141 - I did not expect to see my opinion echoed here, or spoken so well. I'm assuming that the OP meant polyamory and didn't really know what she was talking about (or the husband used the wrong term himself) and thus I am speaking of polyamory, not polygamy. (My opinion on marriage is that it should be in no way recognized by the government, in which case polygamy would no longer be illgeal...if the government, or certain interest groups, seek to deny homosexuals the right to the same legal privileges that my wife and I have, with no strong basis other than religion, I don't see why any of us should get it.) To everyone else - I don't understand why I should strangle feelings I develop for someone just because I have similar feelings for someone else. It's not -necessarily- the same kind of relationship multiplied by the number of partners, although it can be. It makes even less sense when I can feel a strong bond with a friend of the same sex, but I'm supposedly overstepping some kind of bound when I develop a similar bond with a member of the opposite sex. Personally, I think that polyamory makes a lot more sense, or at least feels much more *right* to *me,* than monoamory. My wife feels otherwise, however, and if it's a choice between multiple people and just her, I've chosen just her.

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  Carribu  |  7

Marriage isn't something you just share with another person. If you can't devote yourself to one person to intimately love, why the hell are you in a relationship at all. Polygamy isn't some freaky sex fad either. You're making another relationship with another woman. Only freaks are into polygamy. It's disgusting to have multiple sex partners and expect your true partner to be alright with that.

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  zargon  |  7

I'm going to separate discussion on polygamy and polyamory, even though you seem not to have done so yourself. So, firstly, about polygamy: You state that "marriage isn't something you just share with another person." Why not? If everyone involved is okay with it, and i mean actually okay with it, not resigned to it, then what's the problem? Why can't you commit to multiple people? Further, historically and cross-culturally, this hasn't exactly been the dominant viewpoint, so I have to wonder what you have to say to back this up other than "I grew up that way". Now, secondly, about polyamory: You say "if you can't devote yourself to one person to intimately love, why the hell are you in a relationship at all." (I assume from the wording that this is a question despite the lack of punctuation indicating such.) I say, why should there only be one? By which I mean, I'm in a relationship because I have feelings for the person. In fact, I love the person I'm with, and there's no reason I couldn't be in another relationship with someone else I have feelings for, or even love. Like I've said several times already, the person I'm with *is* in two relationships right now, and loves both of us, a lot. Ey's more commited to eir relationships than a lot of monogamous people, I know, and ey pulls it off rather flawlessly, in my opinion. So, what is the problem? This isn't about sex at all, either. To even suggest that it is is to betray a total ignorance about polyamory. SImilarly, the idea of a "true partner" suggests that only one is important and that the others are disposable or replaceable, and that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like a polyamorous relationship (necessarily) forbids (safe!) sleeping around or more casual relationships, but what I'm trying to get across here is that these things are not the _point_ of polyamory. And, for the record, I 150% alright with my partner having other sex partners, as long as they remain safe, and ey openly communicates with me rather than try to hide these things. Given that, what reason would I have for not being okay with it?

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  Blatstuff  |  7

The above ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^. is meant for #68 littlemel4's comment. Peoples hearts are not to be played with for your entertainment. I certainly hope they all have "secondaries" too. You deserve to be played, with an attitude like that. Dirty skank. Moreover, after seeing your posted pic I highly doubt you have a guy. Much less ANY "secondaries". IF in fact you do, they must be real winners to lower their standards to YOUR level. Yuck.

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  DiNoBeAr  |  7

how can u be so rude u bitch?!? WTF is ur problem what did littlemel do to u ever? all she did was post a comment about herself, if u didn't like it then u could stfu and leave her alone! and about her pic, what if she's just got a funny picture from the Internet? u know absolutely nothing about her so why don't u just back the fuck off and leave her alone if u don't like how she lives her life or how she looks. not everybody can be perfect for u, u little bitch

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  yellowaholic  |  7

I know this may come as a shocker but women don't usually do well when sharing one man, and the man will have a favorite partner, which will cause jealousy and bitterness.

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  lexiBRo  |  5

exactly ! I didn't say I would divorce him. I just suggested OP make a smart remark to shut him up. Shayna I think you lack reading comprehension skills or something.

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