Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML
Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML
Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Cum in 30 minutes or less or it's free!
Snowble11 13
Just imagine the food network
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Comments (62)
buckdharma 38
First you knead it, then you toss it around. When fully sauced you sprinkle it with cheese. Then you order a pizza.
GothickNihilist 15
Was it sausage pizza?
spikekutter 9
pepporoni nipples.. haha
howdeedoo 22
I don't think that's what OP was getting turned on by....
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I love a good pizza face on a girl, ooh baby.
tsent8 15
Mmmhm yeah now grate that cheese nice and slow mhmm yeah now put your sausage in it. Oh yeah this ones a meat lovers.
Ray_of_midnight 23
If you watch both **** and cooking shows, they actually use the same camera and lighting techniques for both genres. The term "food ****" isn't entirely off the mark.
Mister_Triangle 21
That's because lighting for film and photography in general is pretty standardized.
spikekutter 9
does anyone like EATING OUT as much as me?
TellMeWhatsDeath 14
Nope.
Snowble11 13
Your jokes suck
CynicalWolf 9
Awee yeah! Get all that sauce! Rub your sausage in it!
wagne057 6
I don't blame you, all the juicy pepperoni pleasing your taste buds, thick and succulent sausage, creamy tomato sauce, the warm, stringy mozzarella cheese that leaves you salivating for more, what's not to get turned on by?
onorexveritas 24
atleast you didn't write a love letter describing tacos
Doortje 30
You need to get laid, my friend.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He's not your friend, buddy.
kai_li 8
Says the person with a cupcake as their pic. Hey I can relate, making and eating food is extremely pleasurable. Sex is great, but when my normally grouchy man has a huge grin because of the meal I made, that's pretty awesome too.