Intimacy: Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up...

By djfail - 01/09/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 732

You deserved it 6 482

Intimacy

Mother of the year

In vain

How? Why? What?

By wtf bro?! - 07/05/2019 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 273

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 22:06 - United States

Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days. I flipped it open ready to issue apologies to everyone who had tried to get in touch with me and I had worried. No missed calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 831

You deserved it 10 272

You tried

By Anonymous - 09/12/2011 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 236

You deserved it 3 244

By Valedict-oops - 09/06/2017 00:00

Today, I walked at my graduation ceremony, proudly wearing my valedictorian cords. It turns out that, after some confusion on behalf of the student services office, I was neither valedictorian nor salutatorian (by 0.2 points). I'm dating the actual valedictorian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 312

You deserved it 459

BDSM FML

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 11:00 - Australia

Today, I realised I need to grow up when I couldn’t stop laughing throughout a very serious meeting entitled, “Master / Sub Remediation Program.” It’s about electricity meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 654

By sad face - 24/11/2012 11:54 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 952

You deserved it 5 279

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 02:00

Today, as caregiver, I had to physically remove the shit my grandpa had stuck in his rectum, because he doesn't remember how to shit. He barely knows who I am, which is good because when he remembers who he is, he becomes an abusive asshole. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 73

By isuckatparking. seriously. - 16/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 788

You deserved it 1 014

By sammarli530 - 29/05/2013 16:24 - United States - New Lenox

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 760

You deserved it 52 080

By not drunk - 28/10/2014 18:04 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 4 685

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 839

You deserved it 30 767

By Insomniac - 02/02/2012 07:07 - United States

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 109

You deserved it 2 905

By tannerpaul - 25/03/2011 01:30

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriend's emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 280

You deserved it 4 517

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 139

You deserved it 5 616

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 01/03/2020 18:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 98

By Animal cruelty - 19/02/2015 13:46 - Australia

Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 092

You deserved it 2 354

By Steve - 28/04/2012 13:57 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had to explain to a customer how our hotel charged his card even though he has never stayed with us. Apparently his wife is a regular customer. I can't help but feel like a home-wrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 356

You deserved it 2 291

By puzzled - 24/02/2010 12:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 631

You deserved it 3 210

By kumbuck3t15 - 29/07/2012 20:20 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 501

You deserved it 25 812

By fu2then - 09/03/2010 06:04 - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 530

You deserved it 4 097

By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 502

You deserved it 32 348

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 17:02

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 617

By clueless2 - 20/02/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 223

You deserved it 27 651

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 693

You deserved it 6 980

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 469

You deserved it 12 401

By Broke and Blonde - 10/03/2019 12:00

Today, I had an interview for a new position in my company. The head of HR decided to sit and I got so nervous that I just spouted gibberish for 45 minutes. Pretty sure I convinced her I’m not qualified for the position I’m currently in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 553

By scaredshitless - 07/08/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 274

You deserved it 65 186

Introversion pains

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 09:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I was trying to give my friend a present for his birthday. Unfortunately, he and most of my friends are loud extroverts. After what seemed like an hour of waiting for them to shut their pie holes so I could give my present to him, I just left it on the table and walked out. No one even noticed I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 287

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 052

You deserved it 7 089

By Slayeddd - 28/10/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, I realized that I have to block my number to get my own mother to take my phone calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 210

You deserved it 3 557

Where's my anvil?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 14:02

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 82

By lemonadedisguise - 18/07/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend. When the bill came with a customer satisfaction survey, I put honestly that the "server friendliness" was "below average." Ten minutes later, I had to return to the restaurant to beg the waitress for my keys, which I had left on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 879

You deserved it 22 554

By SeverelyAnnoyed - 31/03/2016 17:53 - Netherlands

Today, a crow somehow got stuck in my ceiling. It's been making tons of noise for 9 hours now, including crowing very loudly. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, I have no access to the attic and the property owner doesn't give a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 491

You deserved it 1 129

By shoopbadeewoop - 08/03/2014 21:43

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 867

You deserved it 6 207

By sexyswollen - 24/10/2009 17:14 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 902

You deserved it 3 120

By benjamin03 - 05/07/2016 16:34 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 364

You deserved it 957

By staceyymaee - 06/07/2016 17:47 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my new futon mattress arrived. Upon laying it out on the frame, I realized IKEA has whack bed sizings. When I went to return the mattress for a queen, they informed me a queen mattress wouldn't be here until sometime next week. I already threw out my old crappy mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 861

You deserved it 2 517

By arghgffhdfg - 15/07/2012 00:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 174

You deserved it 2 426

By :/ - 01/10/2013 10:18

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 210

You deserved it 17 434

By Kyrie - 14/09/2017 20:00

Today, I came down in the morning to find that my fridge died, leaving water and meat juice all over the floor. My town only has garbage pickup every other week and the last was yesterday. We're expecting a heat wave this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 433

You deserved it 226

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Top comments

DinosaursAreCool_fml 8

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:06

How many calls did you get for that one?

SwtCherryPie 26

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:08

Were you looking at something you shouldnt have been?

DinosaursAreCool_fml 8

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:06

How many calls did you get for that one?

yougotapes 7

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:19

You can always turn that to something positive!

LiveLaughFML 10

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:19

they'll want you back next week with how much their ratings are going to increase. :P

flockz 19

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:22

ya like he DJ skills are orgasmic. :D "(various beats) Drop it to the floooooor. Drop it low low looooow loooooow" "OHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSS KEEP GOINGGGGG ITS SOOOO GOODDD!!!"

MareNostrum 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 2:59

Translation: I was attempting to DJ while watching porn and...

uffiewuffie 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 3:34

So THAT was what I heard on the radio!

WinMan 7

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Friday 2 September 2011 4:39

Not a big deal our rock station morning crew has the fake at 8

deathtrap 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 5:20

The only thing that could make this worse is if u work for a Christian radio station

Finn_the_human 5

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Friday 2 September 2011 6:31

Caller # 66 wins

R34luver 5

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Friday 2 September 2011 6:54

72- no caller #69 is Always the winner ;)

LostSaiyan 3

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Friday 2 September 2011 7:00

How could someone dj for a Christian station?

WeemanIsBack 3

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Saturday 3 September 2011 11:35

YDI for watching porn and catching porn related adware/malware/spyware

ILoveEmoes 9

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Sunday 4 September 2011 16:17

111: "when a pop-up appeared on the station's computer" :) Keyword "station's"

posPRO1 1

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Sunday 11 September 2011 10:12

Hahahhaha

yoursucklives 36

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:07

haha i would have loved to hear that. hope you didn't get into trouble!

Fruit_Dealer 9

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:27

In trouble? There's artists that uses porn sounds and beats to create a song. Its called Pornstep, check it out :).

yoursucklives 36

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:35

haha. yes, but it doesn't sound like OP's radio station would play music like this ;)

sourgirl101 28

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:38

If you listen to "Guns and Roses- Rocket Queen" you can hear Axle Rose having sex with this girl on the sound track. Enjoy! (:

jellitonoctopus 19

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Friday 2 September 2011 2:56

42- don't cast a spell on me or anything, but it's not that big of a deal. Simple mistake.

sourgirl101 28

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Friday 2 September 2011 4:47

I always end up making mistakes. I'm the worst speller ever! No biggie, I have pet peeves too!(:

llamalpaca382 13

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Friday 2 September 2011 6:53

47 - you are an ass. Have a nice day :)

limab93 3

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Friday 2 September 2011 16:55

and your not? have a good one!

Unbeatable 0

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Saturday 3 September 2011 22:55

you're* :p

SwtCherryPie 26

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:08

Were you looking at something you shouldnt have been?

saIty 17

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Friday 2 September 2011 2:15

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist watching the guy doing his Magic Hands. I've been a bad boy.

iTrevor 5

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

The OP's name lol.

orangeduck 6

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Friday 2 September 2011 2:09

I don't think it's that funny.

pepsitwist30 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 18:44

Made me giggle

poundsbieber 0

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

:) that's awesome!

ladiesman219 4

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

Looks like your ratings might have gone up

heyhihello95 12

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Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

And that popped up because?

craZgal321 6

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Friday 2 September 2011 2:51

yea :/ why would some porn sounds pop up.

Tcaret300 12

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Friday 2 September 2011 3:09

Ads from his virtual porn creater XD

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 2 September 2011 5:22

My take on it is that someone at the station set up the computer so that the windows sound generated by the pop-up was the orgasm sound effect instead of the usual ding or whatever, it's easy enough to do.