Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up...

By djfail - 1/9/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

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Intimacy

Rock, hard place

Ghosted

Live dumping

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

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By mael - 25/11/2008 08:54 - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

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By retard99 - 21/3/2010 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2018 15:00

She definitely won though.

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2013 22:13 - Australia

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

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By ifyouseekmylife - 25/10/2009 15:44 - United States

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2014 04:26 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, after losing his job, I reassured my boyfriend by telling him I'd rather be with him living in a cardboard box than to be without him. He responded by telling me he'd rather be dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

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By jcesom - 1/8/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

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By soph511 - 30/7/2012 18:05 - France - Hy?res

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

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By jaded_woman - 27/12/2010 06:58 - Australia

Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML

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By Craig Thompson - 20/4/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 06:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

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By Mary - 5/3/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

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By well SHIT - 27/2/2014 21:46 - United States - Little Elm

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

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By NatchezParadox - 9/10/2019 18:00

Tinder surprised

Today, I watched as my Tinder date arrived at the coffee shop and mistook another woman for me. He never realized she was the wrong girl, and they spent the entire date together before leaving. The only similarity between me and the other woman was our hair. FML

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By shifala - 22/1/2015 09:02 - Philippines - Caloocan

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

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By jackskellington - 11/2/2015 04:34 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

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By Fish - 7/4/2017 02:00

Today, following the advice of not putting my wallet in my back pocket, I put my wallet in my jacket's chest pocket. I lost my jacket. FML

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By Foot In Mouth - 13/7/2016 02:46 - United States - Bentonville

Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 11:41 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

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By poppet2010 - 17/1/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

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By Jenna Berreth - 1/8/2019 16:00

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

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By amy - 20/7/2019 02:09

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 02:16 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

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By BearMan - 9/2/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!" FML

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By Lifeguard - 4/4/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

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By Tara - 1/5/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML

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By Sewert_5 - 10/11/2015 16:16

Today, I made a fatal mistake that may cost my company thousands of dollars. This was right after I got a recognition for my outstanding work last week. FML

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By rileynautumn - 13/6/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

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By ohhdear.___. - 26/3/2012 14:54 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 02:00

Jot that down

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

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By hikari_chan_xo - 28/3/2012 12:00 - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

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By Omar Khalaf - 28/9/2017 01:30

Wham!

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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By I get the hint - 18/9/2013 06:19

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2014 18:12 - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2020 02:00

Goldfinger

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom

Not funny anymore

Today at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s that had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

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Top comments

By DinosaursAreCool_fml | 8

#3218439 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:06

How many calls did you get for that one?

By SwtCherryPie | 26

#3218476 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:08

Were you looking at something you shouldnt have been?

COMMENTS

By DinosaursAreCool_fml | 8

#3218439 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:06

How many calls did you get for that one?

yougotapes | 7

#3218642 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:19

You can always turn that to something positive!

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3218656 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:19

they'll want you back next week with how much their ratings are going to increase. :P

flockz | 19

#3218677 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:22

ya like he DJ skills are orgasmic. :D

"(various beats) Drop it to the floooooor. Drop it low low looooow loooooow"
"OHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSS KEEP GOINGGGGG ITS SOOOO GOODDD!!!"

MareNostrum | 0

#3219287 - Friday 2 September 2011 2:59

Translation: I was attempting to DJ while watching porn and...

uffiewuffie | 0

#3219447 - Friday 2 September 2011 3:34

So THAT was what I heard on the radio!

WinMan | 7

#3220444 - Friday 2 September 2011 4:39

Not a big deal our rock station morning crew has the fake at 8

deathtrap | 0

#3220646 - Friday 2 September 2011 5:20

The only thing that could make this worse is if u work for a Christian radio station

Finn_the_human | 5

#3221012 - Friday 2 September 2011 6:31

Caller # 66 wins

R34luver | 5

#3221114 - Friday 2 September 2011 6:54

72- no caller #69 is Always the winner ;)

LostSaiyan | 3

#3221164 - Friday 2 September 2011 7:00

How could someone dj for a Christian station?

WeemanIsBack | 3

#3227548 - Saturday 3 September 2011 11:35

YDI for watching porn and catching porn related adware/malware/spyware

ILoveEmoes | 9

#3233579 - Sunday 4 September 2011 16:17

111: "when a pop-up appeared on the station's computer" :) Keyword "station's"

posPRO1 | 1

#3271892 - Sunday 11 September 2011 10:12

Hahahhaha

By yoursucklives | 36

#3218460 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:07

haha i would have loved to hear that.
hope you didn't get into trouble!

Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3218725 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:27

In trouble? There's artists that uses porn sounds and beats to create a song. Its called Pornstep, check it out :).

yoursucklives | 36

#3218775 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:35

haha. yes, but it doesn't sound like OP's radio station would play music like this ;)

sourgirl101 | 28

#3218798 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:38

If you listen to "Guns and Roses- Rocket Queen" you can hear Axle Rose having sex with this girl on the sound track. Enjoy! (:

jellitonoctopus | 19

#3219261 - Friday 2 September 2011 2:56

42- don't cast a spell on me or anything, but it's not that big of a deal. Simple mistake.

sourgirl101 | 28

#3220470 - Friday 2 September 2011 4:47

I always end up making mistakes. I'm the worst speller ever! No biggie, I have pet peeves too!(:

llamalpaca382 | 13

#3221112 - Friday 2 September 2011 6:53

47 - you are an ass.

Have a nice day :)

limab93 | 3

#3223341 - Friday 2 September 2011 16:55

and your not? have a good one!

Unbeatable | 0

#3230572 - Saturday 3 September 2011 22:55

you're* :p

By SwtCherryPie | 26

#3218476 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:08

Were you looking at something you shouldnt have been?

saIty | 17

#3219018 - Friday 2 September 2011 2:15

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist watching the guy doing his Magic Hands. I've been a bad boy.

By iTrevor | 5

#3218484 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

The OP's name lol.

orangeduck | 6

#3218982 - Friday 2 September 2011 2:09

I don't think it's that funny.

pepsitwist30 | 0

#3223694 - Friday 2 September 2011 18:44

Made me giggle

By poundsbieber | 0

#3218485 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

:) that's awesome!

By ladiesman219 | 4

#3218489 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

Looks like your ratings might have gone up

By heyhihello95 | 12

#3218506 - Friday 2 September 2011 1:09

And that popped up because?

craZgal321 | 6

#3219214 - Friday 2 September 2011 2:51

yea :/ why would some porn sounds pop up.

Tcaret300 | 12

#3219339 - Friday 2 September 2011 3:09

Ads from his virtual porn creater XD

False_Stupidity | 41

#3220667 - Friday 2 September 2011 5:22

My take on it is that someone at the station set up the computer so that the windows sound generated by the pop-up was the orgasm sound effect instead of the usual ding or whatever, it's easy enough to do.