Intimacy and Wanker: Lock your doors

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 732

Intimacy Wanker

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Same thing different taste

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 308

You deserved it 656

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 126

You deserved it 37 083

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 216

You deserved it 3 314

Keep your wits about you

By Rawr - 30/12/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 366

You deserved it 11 626

No feeling - Just conversation

By Anonymous - 22/11/2019 18:00

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 439

You deserved it 908

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 394

You deserved it 46 661

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 307

You deserved it 36 258

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 509

You deserved it 62 868

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 819

You deserved it 11 955

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 726

You deserved it 5 858

itsmeJustinC131313 2

Monday 27 May 2019 1:33

You've gotta learn the art of silence

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 May 2019 1:00

And now you lived one.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 May 2019 1:00

And now you lived one.

itsmeJustinC131313 2

Monday 27 May 2019 1:33

You've gotta learn the art of silence

Sinshine 28

Monday 27 May 2019 7:58

Or to lock the door...

Chen Zhibang 8

Monday 27 May 2019 2:49

Any FML that starts with OP touching himself is going to be a good one.

maikeru1979 23

Monday 27 May 2019 4:51

She!. OP was a woman.

Jackey 29

Monday 27 May 2019 3:40

If God had intended us not to **********, he would’ve made our arms shorter. - George Carlin Though, seriously, you need to invest in a lock.

bloopaloop 27

Monday 27 May 2019 3:58

She knew what you were doing. Parents always do

alycion 38

Monday 27 May 2019 6:19

So many of these types of situations can be avoided if you just learn how to lock a door. Go figure.

Sam Siggers 8

Monday 27 May 2019 22:40

Or do it at different times of the day, when they are asleep, out to dinner or something or even work.

Jonkbaby 22

Monday 27 May 2019 10:38

NICE!!!

Keywords

Money Health Work Stressed out Awkward ADHD Mental health Poopoo peepee Gross Relatable Parenting Kids Anger issues Family Funerals Roommate Drugs Love Lonely Break-ups Weird AITA Parents Food Miscellaneous Annoying Cooking Music Road rage Transportation

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I agree, your life sucks 77 568

You deserved it 14 593

Today, after dating someone for a year and a half, upon meeting his mother for the first time he'd told me she has bad anxiety and that he’s going to introduce me as his friend, and the only reason I was meeting her was because she was selling her deceased husband's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 103

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 14 662

You deserved it 37 662

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 153

You deserved it 22 979

Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a bitch back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 005

You deserved it 68 159

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 481

You deserved it 5 119

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 121

You deserved it 5 818

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 466

You deserved it 4 786