Intimacy: Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around,...

By Brett meek - 19/02/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 482

You deserved it 3 611

Intimacy

This Charming Man

Dysfunctional

Moving day, grandma

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 11:59 - China - Shanghai

Today, I realised that my social anxiety, fear of people's judgment, social isolation, you name it, have got so bad that I literally have no interests. It got to such a point that I even have nothing to search up in the internet, so I just stare at an empty browser page wondering what should I do with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 163

By why... - 05/06/2012 17:21 - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 872

You deserved it 3 513

By BigDreamer - 09/02/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 19/06/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 051

You deserved it 3 592

By italy1986 - 13/04/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 58 171

By anonymous - 21/05/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 4 605

By NowBroke - 04/04/2016 09:38 - United Kingdom - Malmesbury

Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 509

You deserved it 1 822

Making connections

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 85

By misspriss - 17/02/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 2 812

By mat - 21/01/2009 06:02 - France

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 160

You deserved it 2 593

By Gibbster_ - 20/06/2014 05:05 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 750

You deserved it 8 924

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:50 - Canada

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 620

You deserved it 6 781

By yourfault - 02/09/2013 15:10 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 715

You deserved it 6 755

By Aaron - 09/12/2012 23:34 - United States - Matthews

Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 635

You deserved it 4 870

By :| - 26/09/2015 04:10 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 645

You deserved it 4 242

By FinanciallyF*ked - 21/11/2018 15:30

Today, after my husband applied for a VA loan so we could move out of our ridiculously overpriced apartment and into our first home as a mortgage would be significantly cheaper, we were denied. If we can afford $1400/month in rent, we surely can’t be trusted with $1000/month for a mortgage, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 118

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 29/04/2015 16:06 - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 3 319

By Anonymous - 29/07/2012 20:34 - United States - Johnston

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 741

You deserved it 3 989

By Vandrefalk - 01/03/2012 00:09 - Norway

Today, I got myself an organ donor card, just to feel wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 898

You deserved it 5 350

By fuckmylife - 02/02/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 347

You deserved it 39 336

Tell us more

By Amber - 02/01/2021 02:01

Today, after five years of being with my boyfriend, I found out that he is apparently very xenophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 05:00

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 613

You deserved it 743

By weak - 23/02/2014 14:36 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 311

You deserved it 22 519

Poor Mickey

By oh, good - 15/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 223

By anonymous - 17/01/2010 16:22 - Austria

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend, who I've dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 880

You deserved it 3 058

By Flubber - 07/02/2009 05:44 - Australia

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 447

You deserved it 5 811

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 12:22 - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 389

You deserved it 5 442

By assgoblins piss me off - 06/05/2014 20:52 - Canada - Camrose

Today, I turned in my best painting yet for a scholarship competition. For once in my life, I was actually proud of a piece I'd done. I ended up losing the scholarship to some dickface who'd basically just glued together some crap from the dollar store and called it conceptual art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 118

You deserved it 5 572

By whymanwhy - 13/04/2015 10:43 - Czech Republic

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 096

You deserved it 3 329

By Lisa - 04/11/2010 14:42 - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 3 544

Choking over here

By JD. - 13/04/2021 00:30

Today, I made the horrible mistake of leaving my car windows cracked while at work. Not only is the exterior yellow due to the pollen, but so is the interior. I'm not allergic, but you can feel the pollen in the back of your throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 13:07 - United States - Watchung

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 529

You deserved it 22 295

Vibe check

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 14:01

Today, I started my first day of nursing clinicals. My first patient was none other than my ex-girlfriend, who I recently broke up with. She has an STI. She told me I needed to get checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 123

By gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr - 03/08/2012 18:31 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 351

You deserved it 1 967

By anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 895

You deserved it 3 554

By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 665

You deserved it 54 918

By heya - 24/12/2012 10:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 330

You deserved it 2 531

By namhtor - 28/09/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 372

You deserved it 6 715

By 464424 - 05/05/2012 06:24 - United States - Dayton

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 405

You deserved it 8 195

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 10:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 332

You deserved it 31 887

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Top comments

xXEurekaXx 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:08

that is disturbing...

Domonator 16

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:29

Face cheeks or butt cheeks?

xXEurekaXx 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:08

that is disturbing...

rbond93 4

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:09

.....agreed

funshit123 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:10

she likes having sex with her son. very disturbing

cantfightfate 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:12

disturbing, yes but also hilarious!! definitely fyl!

xXSc3n1cXx 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:20

oh........wow....

silentfog 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:23

what makes this worse is if the woman wasn't a cougar. So disturbing

SeasonedSausage 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:46

what's wrong with that. incest is very common nowadays.

bleedinginside 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:53

son sex atheist much

brianred5 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 17:28

wow just....wow

ey3seecold 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 17:46

umm maybe she is ur mum ? gettin wasted can be dangerous!!

Rota 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 18:45

I'm not seeing them FML when you plowed someones mom. I would have just kept going harder.

JustStopSucking 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 19:53

disturbing would be "told me I look like her son. i'm a girl. FML".

love_game911 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 23:00

rota...u r my hero

SarahMarie83 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 23:17

I don't understand the atheism reference.

Rota 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 23:39

It's just simple ignorance. Move along.

Mahyar 2

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Saturday 20 February 2010 2:05

WTF lol weird.

Nailbunny 4

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Saturday 20 February 2010 7:02

uhm, creepy much?

LTMcleod 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 7:20

win!!!!!!!

Pebaroo 4

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Monday 28 June 2010 12:26

wooow thats screwed

NoFatAssOnaStick 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 7:16

That's what we call 'a MILF.' Good job!

DumDum999 0

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Sunday 3 April 2011 22:12

ROFLMAO THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER FUCKING HEARD LOLOL

Crush89 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:10

very.

kayladance101 13

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Friday 19 February 2010 19:52

was she drunk??

TehGirreth 0

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Thursday 28 October 2010 15:27

No, I'm pretty sure it goes like this: Today, I had sex with my son. FML

emmagillespie24 11

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Sunday 15 April 2012 22:57

How old is she!!

heeheehoo 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:11

hahaha is she a cougar?

pariah13 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 17:56

I was wondering the exact same thing when I read this...

Marino01 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:11

leave that one alone.

moneypenny_fml 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 21:01

which checks?

jellybean120 10

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Friday 19 February 2010 21:17

Lol!

T_X_P 2

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:12

How old is this "girl"????

yourproblemnow 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:16

oh godd.

MjSmittys 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:21

book it!!!

spaceydude 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:23

Definotely a MILF... unless she was ugly. Also, WINcest

ihateonyou 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:24

Suck it up dude you just banged a milf

danielboricua28 0

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Friday 19 February 2010 16:28

wtf and she still wants to have sex with u?....

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 82

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 44

Lonely, so lonely

Making connections

Tell us more

Poor Mickey

Choking over here

Vibe check

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