Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On...

By arctic1 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20259

You deserved it

68401

Favorite

Intimacy

Thanks, I'm cured!

Fire hydrant

Social distancing gone wrong

By eldar90 - Israel

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30963

You deserved it

2380

Favorite

By Chad - 10/9/2020 04:02 - United States - Norfolk

Cloth ears

Today, my hubby asked me what we were doing for dinner. He'd already asked me twice and each time I responded, he said, "Sounds good." He has no idea why I feel like he doesn't listen to me. He's been doing this shit for 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

264

Favorite

By Ihavethickthighs

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3410

You deserved it

528

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21034

You deserved it

3783

Favorite

By Pixel - Canada - Castlegar

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37200

You deserved it

5401

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25809

You deserved it

10524

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33885

You deserved it

2747

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23003

You deserved it

1588

Favorite

By Pandaling - 26/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Devil parents

Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2604

You deserved it

118

Favorite

By Anonymous - Romania - Campina

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42146

You deserved it

2891

Favorite

By SharpeOne

Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36403

You deserved it

2554

Favorite

By BeatByA9yrold - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46593

You deserved it

4658

Favorite

By ch - United States

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41221

You deserved it

90100

Favorite

By notwhatithought - Germany - Erlangen

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11201

You deserved it

33347

Favorite

By awesome - United States

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9304

You deserved it

81069

Favorite

By doh - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27515

You deserved it

4365

Favorite

By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00

What about me?

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

223

Favorite

By trollbot13 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12895

You deserved it

1253

Favorite

By FatRunner - New Zealand

Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40838

You deserved it

5252

Favorite

By trice - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57256

You deserved it

4286

Favorite

By lala456 - United States

Today, I had my noise-canceling headphones on and a girl sitting next to me raised her glass at me. I thought she meant "cheers". So I did a "cheers" with her. When I drank my juice, it was only then did I realize that she was trying to tell me the flight attendant had mixed up our drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9196

You deserved it

27021

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Allen

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35683

You deserved it

7200

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5896

You deserved it

476

Favorite

By Robbins - United Kingdom

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34614

You deserved it

5321

Favorite

By GrippedMyBalls - Korea Republic of

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49233

You deserved it

9006

Favorite

By genderbender - Reserved

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked "Women's weights room". Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13892

You deserved it

26939

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33257

You deserved it

2485

Favorite

By Hotsauce887 - United States

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70145

You deserved it

25594

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had to follow a diversion route home due to roadworks. It took me an hour longer than usual to get home. Too bad it turns out that the diversion was only for traffic, not people walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3740

You deserved it

6206

Favorite

Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6002

You deserved it

1692

Favorite

By Nick - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25398

You deserved it

21605

Favorite

By Sidney - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against him when he reached around, grabbed my boobs, and started making "pew-pew" laser noises, all in front of his family. I can't believe I'm dating this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40454

You deserved it

15667

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43136

You deserved it

3826

Favorite

By didn't notice for 2 years - United States - Goodyear

Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24021

You deserved it

5759

Favorite

By selfishsexysanta - United States

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43252

You deserved it

13764

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

55063

You deserved it

13021

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Vallejo

Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49224

You deserved it

6828

Favorite

By Anonymous1221

Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12044

You deserved it

1429

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34989

You deserved it

4816

Favorite

By Kens - Canada

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30284

You deserved it

106472

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By fatfaceunited | 0

#236245 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 16:29

How do you forget you have a boner? Generally they're pretty apparent. Unless you have a small dick in which case the mom probably didn't feel it

By warmvanillasugar | 0

#236247 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 16:30

A congrats hug for what?

COMMENTS

By Dude_fml | 0

#236244 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 16:29

hihi. What did you say?

metalfan333 | 0

#1080442 - Monday 12 July 2010 3:53

congrats hug for what?

Pleasure_Pirate | 0

#1145801 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:52

Give that MILF a preview.

tsim_fml | 0

#2428077 - Friday 29 April 2011 6:59

a congratz hug????

silver0jay | 11

#2531856 - Thursday 19 May 2011 5:01

"Congrats! I have a Hard-on for you!" :D

By fatfaceunited | 0

#236245 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 16:29

How do you forget you have a boner? Generally they're pretty apparent. Unless you have a small dick in which case the mom probably didn't feel it

KatherineAnne | 7

#3389305 - Wednesday 5 October 2011 3:39

Don't be too hard on the guy. I know I can be soaking wet and temporarily forget I'm aroused (I.e. I get excited bout something or-more likely- get pissed at my bf) so I mean he easily couldve forgotten.

ammerhammer | 3

#5482959 - Wednesday 8 May 2013 0:20

Wait what?? That's messed 133

By warmvanillasugar | 0

#236247 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 16:30

A congrats hug for what?

Nick93 | 0

#1169672 - Sunday 1 August 2010 8:24

Well congrats.... :D

YellowKettleBell | 31

#6103483 - Wednesday 29 October 2014 3:19

For the threesome that's about to happen.

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#236255 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 16:32

HAH!
Nuff said.

By Virtuoso | 0

#236258 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 16:34

I agree with #2 how do you forget that you have an erection? Its usually one of the most prominent things on my mind when I get one and I'm willing to bet the vast majority of guys minds when they have one.