Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 31
Some lucky 6-year-old is going to get a bear AND balloons...
Jdb60 5
That's gonna be a nice surprise.
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Comments (112)
leroyjenkins006 10
Looks like some orphan will get a lesson in life waaaay to early
Sinester69 10
5ml is because fml just turned 5 dumb ass
dachayke 16
I also like to yell "dumbass" to no one in particular.
israelnotjacob 20
OP you must not understand how it works. The condom goes on the penis and then into the ******, not into your favorite toy.
Xotoolyxo 16
Quick drug store trip ;p
itooamscrewed 10
If you're young enough to live in your parents' house and hide condoms in a teddy bear, you're too young for sex.
westboundcali 13
Wtf is with this 5ML shit.
MidnaLink 33
Has anyone notice that this and the last two end with 5ML!
ChibiChibi_fml 27
Why would you hide them in a bear that didn't reside in your room? That is the biggest mistake you made. If sex is up for grabs you want as few trips into the rest of your home to be necessary as possible.
griggypop 4
"Bear" back it.* *The former message is only a joke, under no uncertain terms does this poster support unsafe sex and, accordingly, holds no responsibility for those engaging therein.
4Madden 19
Yep, YDI.