Health: Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I... - FML

22/11/2010 11:33 - Australia

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 3 952

BO Central

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Broken heart

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 15:00 - Mexico - Lagos De Moreno

Today, I went out with two new friends. While we were talking, they said that their mother had called them to go home. Later on, I saw them in the main square, hanging out. I wasn't creepy or disrespectful, and I don't know why they did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 73

26/05/2014 03:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 164

You deserved it 4 489

14/09/2009 21:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 958

You deserved it 3 699

08/02/2010 06:04 - France

Today, it was my first day of work at a very high end company. While delivering coffee to my boss, I set it down on the edge of a magazine, where it spilled over, into his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 374

You deserved it 7 384

23/03/2016 22:48 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 625

You deserved it 1 176

Early meeting

By mycariswrecked - 20/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Tinley Park

Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 223

You deserved it 185

02/02/2010 14:08 - Australia

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 994

You deserved it 3 815

17/09/2016 04:15 - United States - Dixon

Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 450

You deserved it 1 225

01/08/2013 06:21 - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 368

You deserved it 11 833

31/03/2018 15:00

Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 920

You deserved it 232

Cabin fever

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 20:00

Today, my (now ex) boyfriend came home from work at 8 p.m., monologued about how he doesn't love me anymore for two hours, and walked out on me. In the middle of quarantine. Out of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 143

30/11/2014 06:09 - United States

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 965

You deserved it 9 792

07/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 1 081

28/04/2013 20:19 - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 811

You deserved it 3 580

14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 600

You deserved it 3 051

08/09/2012 19:16 - United States

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 851

You deserved it 13 865

24/05/2011 04:38

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 462

You deserved it 3 812

03/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 019

You deserved it 1 810

One law for thee, another for me

By thanks a lot asshole - 26/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 324

03/07/2013 09:09 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 011

You deserved it 5 289

01/08/2009 21:37

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 924

You deserved it 23 258

17/12/2013 20:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 838

You deserved it 6 589

16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 2 034

17/09/2017 16:00

Today, I walked out of my boyfriend's house to see my car window smashed in and my steering wheel cover stolen. I was only staying at his place because there had been a rash of vehicle break-ins in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 656

You deserved it 260

30/01/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, my friend installed this new application that shows you what a girl would look like as a boy and what a boy would look like as a girl. Well I'm a girl and when it was my turn it didn't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 930

You deserved it 4 982

24/11/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 626

You deserved it 29 200

03/11/2015 15:43 - United States - Pickens

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 566

You deserved it 2 161

New movie

By msamberjade - 30/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 446

You deserved it 233

09/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 504

You deserved it 4 049

14/07/2015 17:59 - United States - Blackwood

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 855

You deserved it 2 751

18/10/2015 00:49 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Spicy

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 028

You deserved it 18 862

13/06/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 829

You deserved it 78 096

15/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 151

Intense

By counterproductive - 21/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, after I'd finally decided to see a doctor about my anxiety and insomnia, I was so nervous about what the doctor would think of me that I had anxiety attacks that kept me from sleeping a wink all night. I ended up oversleeping and missing the appointment I was so nervous about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 195

05/02/2013 00:42 - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 3 915

X Æ A-12

By invalid - 07/06/2021 10:59

Today, while applying for jobs, every single application has been giving me the error message, "Name not valid." Sorry the name my parents gave me isn’t good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 75

13/05/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I had to run a mile in gym class for fitness training. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to run the stretch, you have to re-take it. My time was 10:02. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 961

You deserved it 20 379

18/11/2010 02:32 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 19 982

29/12/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 148

You deserved it 38 635

09/02/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 481

You deserved it 13 291

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Top comments

stronghand0331 17

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:05

The best line is, "My cat was comforting me." I wish my cat comforted me like that. Selfish little jerk!

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:11

Did you throw up on the cat?

Comments

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:02

gross!

lm27 5

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:18

some cocaine oughta get the smell out

anorexicbarbie 8

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:24

Thanks 11.

iSitt 0

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:26

vicks vapor under your nose

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:51

cats don't have the capacity for compassion. they are conniving, pretentious, snobby and most importantly cough up fur balls. this was it's plan to make you suffer whilst it grows stronger from your discomfort and pain.

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Monday 22 November 2010 18:00

Happened to me a couple weeks ago. I also ate jalepenos that day :(

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 12:58

^ wow.

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 11:44

tiger balm would work good.

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:02

As long as the taste is gone out if the nasal cavity you're all good!

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:35

um people can't taste with their nose...just thought I'd toss that out there.

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:42

Actually, people do indeed taste with their nose. Ever had a cold or blocked nose and can't taste food properly? Do some research before you post something. Better yet, don't post.

rockyraccoon28 8

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:45

dang it, marinus, you beat me to saying that.

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:48

the nose only assists with taste. and also I was simply pointing out that the comment sounded off so no need to insult ppl.

maphineRAWRS 10

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Monday 22 November 2010 21:11

it's like this one time, I had like biscuit things called Ritz, and I was eating them but my friend had a REALLY powerful smelling banana, abd I smelt it and then the Biscuits tasted a little bit like banana. it was gross :)

fckmefcknhard 1

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Monday 22 November 2010 22:20

your the fucking one insulting asshole! stop going around the fucking world correcting people like your such a genius!

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Monday 22 November 2010 22:31

Wow...seriously, cool your jets, friend. That's a hell of a way to make a first impression. But while I'm at it... You're* insulting,* Stop* you're* Sorry, I couldn't help it. I feel dirty.

bamagrl410 31

Tuesday 23 November 2010 5:05

Ugh stupid app didn't post my comment. It's having one of those days I guess. Is anyone other than me wondering how it managed to reach the nasal cavity? I didn't know that was possible. I mean, yea it happens with drinks, but that's because you're in the process of swallowing it.

stronghand0331 17

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:05

The best line is, "My cat was comforting me." I wish my cat comforted me like that. Selfish little jerk!

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Sunday 2 January 2011 5:14

it's okay you probably have friends. considering op's only means of comfort is their cat I wouldn't be jealous.

UAintGotNoSkillz 6

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:06

EWwwWw. :O

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:10

wow that sucks. I didn't even know that was possible... that's disgusting

anorexicbarbie 8

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:30

I'm pretty sure that if you tilt your head forward too much when throwing up it can come out of your nose too.

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:40

every time I throw up I'd get alil tiny bit of em out of my nose too. doesn't that happen to u?

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:53

I usually get it out if my nose too.

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 4:11

oh yummy, haha.

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Thursday 30 April 2015 2:58

Same

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:11

Did you throw up on the cat?

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:14

Allergic to p*ssies?

marylovesyou8D 7

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 3:20

lol. :D

iheartglasses 0

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:23

Nasty animals...

Myskittlesaregay 0

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:25

Hahha Aww, You should be happy you're cat tried to comfort you, My cat wouldn't give a freak -.- Should have thrown up on the cat though :/

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:52

*your

Myskittlesaregay 0

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Sunday 12 December 2010 18:27

*Your, Sorry my google chrome 'corrected' that :)

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Monday 22 November 2010 16:29

I bet you blew chunks on your cat, didn't you?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 228

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 69