Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my... - FML

By Amberain - 16/8/2012 15:16 - United Kingdom - Widnes

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29222

You deserved it

7001

Tweet

Share

Work name

Compassion

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 12:00 - Australia - Cairns

Wrong place, right time

Today, a co-worker came back from his honeymoon. He passed by my office to say hi, and mentioned, "I heard you're getting married next year?" I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. He's taking his things out of the house as I write this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1619

You deserved it

143

Tweet

Share

By notattractiveatall - 15/10/2012 22:09 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, two girls came up to me on the street and asked if they could take a photo with me for their high school scavenger hunt, because they needed a picture with a stranger. One of the girls shook her head and said to the other, "It needs to be an attractive stranger" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25648

You deserved it

1746

Tweet

Share

By Oh... - 26/7/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3399

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By SlowLane - 11/9/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43178

You deserved it

2814

Tweet

Share

By i.ask.you.how. - 12/7/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49513

You deserved it

20504

Tweet

Share

By heartbreakkid21 - 14/5/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks

62918

You deserved it

5565

Tweet

Share

By Courtney Micallef - 2/4/2020 08:00

Early learner

Today, I was teaching my one-year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of the pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1401

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By goestoschoolonsnowdays - 12/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30584

You deserved it

3125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/8/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13280

You deserved it

41026

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35463

You deserved it

2966

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/8/2014 17:24 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22652

You deserved it

51131

Tweet

Share

By abby0019 - 13/3/2010 00:08 - France

Today, my new neighbours came over to introduce themselves. I open the door to see my ex-husband, with a horrified look on his face, and his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37268

You deserved it

2310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2013 19:32 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50623

You deserved it

5758

Tweet

Share

By INside - 2/8/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56823

You deserved it

10680

Tweet

Share

By hellphone_fml - 1/7/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1261

You deserved it

579

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/5/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend feed his cat and change his profile on both myspace and facebook before saying to me that he was "Too busy to have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30737

You deserved it

5639

Tweet

Share

By Sadtimes - 17/9/2009 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my sister broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because he hadn't "popped" the question. I've just spent the last 2 months helping him plan the perfect proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51679

You deserved it

3709

Tweet

Share

By halloweensucks - 1/11/2010 01:08 - United States

Today, I spent over an hour decorating my house for trick or treaters. I never got one person at my door because I forgot to unlock my gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9387

You deserved it

35350

Tweet

Share

By Good Luck Chuck - 29/4/2013 17:07 - United States - Orlando

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62131

You deserved it

5681

Tweet

Share

By Alice - 1/8/2009 08:15 - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66297

You deserved it

10806

Tweet

Share

By rowie1311 - 27/3/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48424

You deserved it

30999

Tweet

Share

By Eheath12Jheath14 - 12/7/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I welcomed our first son into the world. After I gave birth, he said he was going home to make sure the house was ready for baby. A few hours later, he was tagged in a Facebook photo by a mutual friend at the local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4173

You deserved it

462

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36747

You deserved it

6822

Tweet

Share

By UnluckyEMT - 27/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone I've been crushing on admitted they're attracted to me too. We hooked up, but now she says we can't date because she is already dating someone. I feel terrible for them, and now know she isn't the kinda person I thought she was ... FML

I agree, your life sucks

2659

Phew, glad it wasn't me

449

Tweet

Share

By - 14/11/2019 21:00 - Hong Kong

Wedding anniversary

Today, my husband and I decided to have sex after our 2nd year anniversary dinner. When we started taking each other's clothes off, my husband suddenly said that he forgot to turn the water tap off, then he went away and didn't come back, I literally waited for 2 hours! FML

I agree, your life sucks

2007

You deserved it

195

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33725

You deserved it

5408

Tweet

Share

By oooops - 24/1/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13693

You deserved it

36014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3130

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/3/2016 05:25 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16337

You deserved it

6935

Tweet

Share

By Malakai - 23/10/2018 22:00

Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1221

You deserved it

3475

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/7/2013 04:23 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51849

You deserved it

3191

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 08:47 - United Kingdom - Bury

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55825

You deserved it

30175

Tweet

Share

By dumping time - 25/11/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Aylesford

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16033

You deserved it

30656

Tweet

Share

By bonertoolong - 23/11/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18474

You deserved it

23981

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 21:38 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21067

You deserved it

1565

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/8/2010 17:06 - Canada

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40801

You deserved it

13190

Tweet

Share

By blaaargh - 27/2/2016 08:54 - United States - Seymour

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21012

You deserved it

2143

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 17:57 - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50915

You deserved it

8046

Tweet

Share

By judge not, ye cunt - 21/12/2012 23:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28020

You deserved it

2989

Tweet

Share

By creepedoutlady - 16/8/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42423

You deserved it

3926

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SkoomaKi | 27

#4822305 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:00

The horniness is strong with this one.

By 4rmMiami | 4

#4822297 - Thursday 16 August 2012 18:59

May the force be with you

Comments

By 4rmMiami | 4

#4822297 - Thursday 16 August 2012 18:59

May the force be with you

Reply

HowAreYouToday | 34

#4822336 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:02

OP, At least he didn't say he was your father...

Reply

ebonyirony | 29

#4822346 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:03

11, you're still on the first page, why not leave a comment without it being a reply?

Reply

HowAreYouToday | 34

#4822383 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:07

Oh you're right :D silly me.

Reply

MelTheGreat | 23

#4822392 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:09

And your boobs.

Reply

BIGBOY4rmAHM | 19

#4822581 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:43

Motorboat you, he did!

Reply

TBelle4Ever | 15

#4822704 - Thursday 16 August 2012 20:12

The breasts are large in this one!

Reply

ntd309 | 14

#4822732 - Thursday 16 August 2012 20:18

Did he take out his light saber too?

Reply

JFurr | 9

#4822769 - Thursday 16 August 2012 20:32

11-I have never once seem you actually reply to something. I'm not one to shout, "threat jacker" but at least make an attempt to look like you're trying to tie something in to your reply. Otherwise, it looks like you're just trying to be seen and thumbed.

Reply

LiyIa_fml | 8

#4822841 - Thursday 16 August 2012 20:55

In my opinion OPs boyfriend sounds awesome!

Reply

ridermntn | 0

#4822951 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:37

kkkk

Reply

lazyfoo92 | 4

#4822967 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:42

idiots you are.

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#4823127 - Thursday 16 August 2012 22:25

76 - I'd like to point out that he isn't "trying", he's "succeeding".
Don't worry; I hate thread jackets, too.

By thescootles | 6

#4822301 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:00

Sry that sucks OP

Reply

SkoomaKi | 27

#4822540 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:33

I'm sry too.

Leik if u cry evrytime.

Reply

Grimmerie | 31

#4822721 - Thursday 16 August 2012 20:14

I luv yur coment ... 5eva.

Reply

flutter4 | 7

#4822920 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:30

It doesn't suck. It only shows that her boyfriend has a good personality.

Reply

thejewishfuhrer | 17

#4823080 - Thursday 16 August 2012 22:14

2 Your spelling sucks. I feel sry for you.

By SkoomaKi | 27

#4822305 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:00

The horniness is strong with this one.

Reply

dashizam | 10

#4822859 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:02

Yeah, and what's the dark side? *ba dum tss*

Reply

Kefka91 | 15

#4822934 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:34

92- Silly Dashizam, rim shots are for funny jokes.

By FrostHeart | 36

#4822325 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:01

May the force help you...

By ebonyirony | 29

#4822327 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:01

As long as your name is Amber, laugh along.

Reply

Awahso | 25

#4822480 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:20

Unrelated to the FML, but your picture made my day.

Reply

TRUFREEDOM | 1

#4823115 - Thursday 16 August 2012 22:24

Go

Reply

XtraEzeee | 8

#4823117 - Thursday 16 August 2012 22:24

You must have had one terrible day then.

By MindFreakazoid | 10

#4822329 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:01

I like your boyfriend :3

Reply

midoridoll | 3

#4822405 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:10

THERE AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A PEWDIEPIE PARTY.

Reply

MindFreakazoid | 10

#4822449 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:15

25 - You know it, my bro!

By Warden1986 | 16

#4822330 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:01

At least he didn't call you Luke and say he's your father. Then that would be really weird.

By jetsown08 | 21

#4822332 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:01

It's better than speaking like Yoda and saying "Suck you tits, I shall", don't you think?

Reply

kaikai234 | 4

#4822601 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:48

Epic

Reply

Llamacod | 11

#4822748 - Thursday 16 August 2012 20:27

wouldn't it be "suck your tits, I shall"?

Reply

ambear26 | 14

#4822927 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:32

Lol 72- your picture is amazing!

Reply

purplebumblebee | 2

#4823119 - Thursday 16 August 2012 22:24

And 103- your picture sucks

By xJackson | 1

#4822334 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:02

The emperor will never approve of this! Contact him immediately!

By Archay | 13

#4822338 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:02

I thought " shirt " was " skirt " for a moment, scarring image.

Reply

thatonename | 7

#4822488 - Thursday 16 August 2012 19:22

Especially if there was an echo...

Reply

mrshutcherson123 | 3

#4822660 - Thursday 16 August 2012 20:02

Haha I did to!