Miscellaneous: Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an...

By anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 397

You deserved it 2 833

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

BO Central

Teacher's pet

By rawr101 - 02/10/2010 06:25 - Australia

Today, I got a text from my ex: "I miss you." I was happy to hear this, so I replied "Really?" I got in return "Not really, I'm just really horny and thinking of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 838

You deserved it 5 774

By xxxkkxxx - 29/07/2011 15:37 - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 731

You deserved it 3 320

By Please go home - 05/04/2019 00:00

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173

You deserved it 264

By wnrz - 18/02/2012 20:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 763

You deserved it 4 806

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 662

You deserved it 3 405

By nick - 24/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 436

You deserved it 12 578

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 159

You deserved it 4 360

By R281780 - 14/02/2016 15:53 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 332

You deserved it 4 141

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 02:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 800

You deserved it 2 748

By Jaided_Genetics - 17/08/2016 04:20 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 443

You deserved it 2 649

Not such a happy ending

By JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 806

By anaph0re - 01/02/2009 15:52 - France

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 671

You deserved it 21 472

By Anonymous - 31/01/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 445

You deserved it 34 509

By Celluloid - 29/04/2011 06:52 - United States

Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 046

You deserved it 39 811

By Ouch - 21/10/2009 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 053

You deserved it 32 230

By Time for a haircut - 21/05/2013 19:05 - United States

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 793

You deserved it 7 049

By AbandonedHouseWife - 17/10/2012 20:16 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 113

You deserved it 2 554

By LifeSucks - 17/11/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 992

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 29/01/2010 19:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 496

You deserved it 42 178

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 11:01 - United States - New Haven

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 18/06/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 709

You deserved it 3 841

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 09:15 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 508

You deserved it 2 309

By me - 12/11/2012 04:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 024

You deserved it 1 721

Is he the guy from the earlier FML??

By sourgirl101 - 25/03/2020 02:00

Today, my husband's number was mistakenly added to a group chat of my co-workers dealing with COVID-19. Despite my asking him to stop, he keeps sending corny memes that has offended most of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 278

By fuck you with a bacon cock - 04/04/2014 22:07 - United Kingdom - Forres

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 212

You deserved it 3 478

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 831

You deserved it 60 730

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 652

You deserved it 5 770

Happy Mother's Day

By ImScrewed - 10/05/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I had my husband’s family over. Our adopted 4 year-old daughter drew a cute card and gave it to me saying, "Happy Mother’s Day mommy! I love you." My mother-in-law scoffed, "She’s infertile and not even your real mom, but ok." Now our daughter won’t stop asking all sorts of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 55

By bakerysux - 23/12/2014 01:21 - United States - San Antonio

Today, at work, a customer cried because the cake I made her was not "exactly" the same as the display. I'm the one who made the display and it was the same but the display cake had faded a bit, since it had been there for a month. I'd mentioned this to the customer when she placed the order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 433

You deserved it 2 205

By meow - 14/01/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 715

You deserved it 4 483

By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - 14/10/2015 16:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 109

You deserved it 2 296

By lifeofamusicteacher - 08/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 131

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 978

You deserved it 6 520

By Mystery LeRale - 15/01/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I spent four hours practicing funny voices. I have literally nothing better to do all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 490

You deserved it 8 419

By crazyautio - 16/07/2012 04:08 - United States

Today, while at work, a lady with a mustache came in and told me she was lost. I was happy to help, but could not stop rubbing my nose due to allergies. As she left she said, "I know I have a mustache you little ass" and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 743

You deserved it 2 925

By itswhateverr - 03/05/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 696

You deserved it 4 436

By livgasms - 18/08/2011 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 722

You deserved it 5 090

By ohmylantis - 04/05/2011 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was introducing me to some business partners. As he was going along telling me their names, when he introduced me, he called me by my best friend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 154

You deserved it 3 714

By Thomas - 20/09/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 124

You deserved it 3 425

By lylethomes15 - 21/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 564

You deserved it 5 333

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Top comments

ciarafox9 9

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:25

Chap stick is a big responsiblity ok? Think of the consequences!

mea_iloveskiing 26

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:22

Better too young than too old :)

SunnyUserName123 5

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:21

aww

Jimster1712 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:50

i love how people write comments like " you should have " etc . its like the op will ever rea it lol

Pokeemon 3

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:23

When I posted a FML I came back and read the comments haha they were mean

JojoChuo 8

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:39

19 your profile says "0 confirmed out of 9 posted" O_o...

happyhak 5

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:40

#22 sounds like the guy who made the FML about his girlfriend sex texting him and then he ruined it by correcting her mistake. LOL

Pokeemon 3

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:51

I know but 1 has been confirmed but it won't show :/

MichellinMan 20

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Saturday 20 August 2011 14:24

THOSE DARN WHIPPERSNAPPERS!

iianalove987 7

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:07

Off topic but, whippersnappers. Ahhh, love that word. :D

trevishere 7

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:21

What was it about.. I wanna read it.:3

eminemchick 19

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:30

she doesnt want you to fix your chapped bleeding lips? shes such a vagina!

thebadmanpuntedb 7

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:47

22- Grammar is extremely important. For example. Capitalization is the difference between helping you Uncle Jack off his horse or helping your uncle jack off his horse.

that_one_guy14 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:19

Who gives a flying fuck about using correct grammar these are fmls not English papers

iluvboobies 9

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:42

Don't umbrella me, bro!

gurlucrazy 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:44

ahahahaha 19 got busted

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:57

well, OP? are you? did you?

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Saturday 20 August 2011 17:20

26 - It may have been posted, but then deleted. It happens.

mea_iloveskiing 26

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:22

Better too young than too old :)

scott17 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:04

100% true

qazaq 1

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:16

Senile old lady... Sad really

dani212 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:18

I like your picture... Wilson!!!!!!!

mea_iloveskiing 26

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:26

thank you =)

MILFSaregood 7

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Saturday 20 August 2011 18:02

The old saying comes back..please respect your elders

howdmynosego 12

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Sunday 21 August 2011 5:45

W8 what are chap sticks and how old are you op

gamerhead 3

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Sunday 21 August 2011 6:43

Op has a Dane cook reference name :P

DoraTheExplorerI 4

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 2:25

Chapstick leads to soft lips, which leads to kissing, which leads to sex, which leads to pregnancy. Bottom line, chapstick = pregnancy. Youre too young...

Bludmagnus 13

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 21:48

That is the most unjustifiable boatload of crap I have ever seen in comments on an entry here. No.. this is not about respecting your elders.. it is about a crazy old biddy who has been allowed to live far too long.

OcampoFTW 4

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:22

You should consider this advice, old people are wise

flamegrilled123 3

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:46

wait, what?

chefmark02 1

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:00

I'm confused

bizarre_ftw 21

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:41

Don't forget, they're also senile

BrokenDreamer24 14

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:50

3- Yeah? Well this old lady is off her rocker telling OP not to use chapstick. Really? It's one thing if it was lipstick. People like that old lady wanna make me go commit mass murder.

Blue_Eyed_Beast 7

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Saturday 20 August 2011 19:43

The old lady isn't against chap-stick or lipstick, she's against OP having sex, since chap-stick is always near the condoms in Targets and Walmarts and Zellers for some reason.

Foxy_On_Fire 21

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Monday 22 August 2011 8:12

Yeah but some are just crazy

fortehepiclulz 0

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Saturday 3 September 2011 11:31

#7, nice South Park reference about the episode with the future, Cartman, and the AAA otters.

boredSOLDIER 33

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Sunday 10 May 2015 8:15

Sigh

Lightbulb830 4

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:24

You should use balmex. It feels better. Just saying.

bizarre_ftw 21

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:43

Really? I prefer berts bees

IndiRae 9

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:22

I use Nivea soft lips, and according to the little tube, I'm completely kissable!

commietaco 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:13

I prefer feels goodandik, but my girlfriend took it because it was "girl Chapstick".

zukinihudini 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 16:43

Blistex is great for getting rid of chapped lips

every1luvsvag 10

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Saturday 20 August 2011 17:34

Eos...

scrapmetal58 9

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Saturday 20 August 2011 23:58

Sper... ER I mean Yes To Carrots.

Ashelizabethh 8

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Sunday 21 August 2011 4:41

I love the chap sticks that are shaped like little eggs(: they're amazing. EOS (: yumm!

HollyDolly660 8

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Sunday 21 August 2011 6:57

Starburst flavored Lip Smackers. :) It makes my lips soft and taste yummy.

iheartdance 6

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Sunday 21 August 2011 8:35

Use blistex! by far the best kind.

khaoticpanda 28

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Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:40

carmex. #jusssayin

Feklfekl2222 32

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Friday 26 August 2011 15:05

Sprite flavour

chickinova 13

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 16:13

best flavor has got to be bubblegum:)

CookiexJar 17

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:24

Think twice, and after that, it's time to choose one!

ciarafox9 9

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:25

Chap stick is a big responsiblity ok? Think of the consequences!

howslife123 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:31

Why not do it old school and use beeswax

MissCheeks8 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:36

I'm pretty sure everyone gets dry lips sometimes, the fact that it can also make your lips kissabley soft.. well that's just a bonus and totally worth $3(;

danielreader22 4

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Saturday 20 August 2011 23:01

Chapstick doesn't make your lips "kissabley soft." It treats dried lips and protects them.

mrme442 1

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:01

Your hot

TheUnknown_fml 9

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:43

I think they probably have condoms set in the same area. The lady probably thought she was looking at condoms.

howslife123 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:46

Ive never seen a 'condoms/chap-stick' section..

miz66independent 1

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Saturday 20 August 2011 12:53

I was also thinking that she thought OP was looking at condoms. Makes more sense. Either way she's old and old people do crazy things.

terranada 3

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:35

I was just about to say "Were there condoms next to the chapsticks?" Lol

QuisMysterium 4

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Saturday 20 August 2011 13:55

II think we require yet another person to confirm that they too were pondering upon whether or not the condoms were within the vicinity of the chap stick.

VeganVampyre 26

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Saturday 20 August 2011 14:17

They are close-ish where I work. Though probably not close enough to be able to confuse which one you're looking at.

whiterabbit420 4

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:24

The drug store by me has the chapstick, condoms, and cough drops right next to each other, in the "sanitary/family planning products" aisle. It's funny to see who is truly uncomfortable by the products near them and I could totally see that happening there. FYL op

IndiRae 9

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Saturday 20 August 2011 15:25

Hm. I wonder what would happen if you applied a generous amount of Burts Bees Chapstick, and then gave somebody a blow job. I think it would either be pure ecstasy, or they would feel the immediate need to stick their dick into the freezer.