Kids: Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19.... - FML

16/09/2013 17:42 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 809

You deserved it 7 380

Vulture

BO Central

8 out 10 dentists

10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 897

You deserved it 3 330

29/12/2017 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Spicy

Today, I walked into a room where my naked "best friend" had set up a romantic scene and attempted to kiss me. It turns out he believed we were in a relationship for the last year and told our entire school. I am 100% straight. This explains why I haven't been able to get laid in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 116

You deserved it 931

Badass

By Boyufd - 30/08/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. Why, do you ask? Turns out her dad used to bully my dad in highschool and my dad kicked his ass after all this time and sent him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 76

20/10/2010 18:41 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel like he loved me. His response? "Why else would I be with you? Your looks?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 8 664

Can't wait for the next time

By cowboy_gold - 25/01/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 475

31/01/2013 09:07 - United States - Scranton

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 461

You deserved it 5 263

03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 006

You deserved it 34 747

14/12/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 371

You deserved it 2 760

11/09/2013 00:14 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 488

You deserved it 13 203

12/07/2019 14:00

Today, my parents spent more time, money and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 157

16/07/2019 22:30

Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then just put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 111

05/08/2014 11:55 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 282

You deserved it 3 814

25/04/2011 18:38 - United States

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 754

You deserved it 4 288

19/12/2015 07:12

Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 087

You deserved it 1 638

Work is hell

By Levi2411 - 06/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had to do the job of 3 to 4 people. Spending the first half in the bakery by myself, I then had to run over to the deli and cook everything for the day while helping lines of customers. Why? Because 8 people are on Covid leave. Instead of shutting down the department, welcome to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 1 186

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 13:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 705

You deserved it 4 331

18/09/2012 19:51 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 4 004

23/10/2013 07:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 573

You deserved it 4 637

03/05/2017 22:00

Today, my cat thanked me for buying her a new litterbox by peeing in all of my plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 133

You deserved it 596

Make the day about me!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 06:02 - United States - Roy

Today, at my wedding, my grandmother special requested a wheelchair, even though she doesn’t and never has needed any kind of assistance walking or standing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 169

12/07/2014 00:26 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 723

You deserved it 7 307

28/07/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 811

You deserved it 25 672

12/06/2013 17:33 - United States - Tulare

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 906

You deserved it 4 469

09/08/2014 17:32 - United States - Amherst

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 269

You deserved it 13 862

11/08/2016 11:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 878

You deserved it 2 137

10/07/2009 05:27 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 834

You deserved it 60 789

05/05/2014 02:58 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 203

You deserved it 4 006

Sleep punching is a thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 02:00

Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 87

25/07/2019 06:01

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 136

20/06/2009 23:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 278

You deserved it 5 987

15/12/2008 03:24 - France

Today, my Art Director once again turned down a demo model (for an advertisement) that I'd been working on for a week. This time he took his belt off and started thrashing the model to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 422

You deserved it 2 341

19/01/2011 01:51 - Australia

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 358

You deserved it 3 789

31/10/2013 20:42 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 546

You deserved it 3 528

13/09/2012 22:29 - United States

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 212

You deserved it 3 129

15/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 383

You deserved it 8 072

Empathy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 115

12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 944

You deserved it 8 332

24/10/2011 14:54 - United States

Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 981

You deserved it 3 258

30/06/2014 11:40 - Australia - Applecross

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 291

You deserved it 7 742

11/04/2014 13:48 - United States - Florence

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 254

You deserved it 5 848

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:04

Say no and then make him do chores all week.

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:06

In his defense, there are still countless slaves in the world.

Comments

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:03

Maybe you should teach him something lol

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Monday 16 September 2013 23:55

3rd Grade? That's Still Kinda Old, I learned it in 1st or possibly kindergarten! But 2nd grade is probably when most people learn it.

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Tuesday 17 September 2013 1:13

Teach him something by selling him to slavers in a foreign country.

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Tuesday 17 September 2013 3:12

There is absolutely no way you were taught that in Kindergarten. Third grade seems about right.

aljop 15

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:04

Sue his history teachers.

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:06

14 years old and already sue happy. -_-

aljop 15

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:08

Hey, it's not my fault I'm ahead of the curve.

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:13

This is not a curve most people would be proud of.

mpkpm 19

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:37

God help us all..this is the future..

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Monday 16 September 2013 23:00

Wouldn't it be something if you could sue the teachers? "My son doesn't know algebra! It's all your fault Mr. Gonads. How could you not teach him this!?" "Well ma'am, your son hasn't been in school for 2 years. If he would have came we would have taught him it." "No, it's your fault for him not being there! He said your name made him laugh and he couldn't concentrate. I'm taking you to court for making my son an idiot!" Ahh, America..

hessel 13

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Monday 16 September 2013 23:17

if her son just listened a litlle more in history class than he wouldnt have this. but hey it could be worse, just look at miley cirus

Roskie 16

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Monday 16 September 2013 23:41

Oh come on! I knew we were getting a bit too quick to pull the lawsuit card, but this is fucking ridiculous!

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Monday 16 September 2013 23:57

Yeah.. I don't think you can sue for that...

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Tuesday 17 September 2013 3:11

No because with my parents, I really think Alavert wasn't abolished its just that it's not very easy to find with parents nowadays

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:04

Say no and then make him do chores all week.

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:05

I'm amazed he use the word abolished.

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:22

OP might have been paraphrasing. She didn't use a quote.

imyy 20

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Tuesday 17 September 2013 1:29

I'm amazed you didn't use past tense in your sentence correctly :-)

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:05

Tell him they renamed it "having children"

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Tuesday 17 September 2013 1:27

Love this! Lmao

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:06

In his defense, there are still countless slaves in the world.

LowExpectations 30

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Tuesday 17 September 2013 3:04

There's still slaves in the world. It's called being in retail. OP's kid is on to something.

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:06

Your son seems to have slept through all his history classes OP.

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:07

Damn. Maybe he's talking about all countries not just the US?

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:07

*shakes head* I don't want to live on this planet anymore....

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Monday 16 September 2013 22:08

"No it wasn't. Now mow the lawn."

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 12

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 413