Work: Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

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Work

Late term

TMI

Doomed

By frustrated - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

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By guyssuck - Canada - Yellowknife

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate for relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML

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By atang - United States

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

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By arknvl - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

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By go fuck myself - United States - Tampa

Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML

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By ripped off and blown out

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that not only is my live-in mother-in-law a fan of Lady Gaga, she dances around the house naked to fully embrace the music. FML

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By sierra808 - United States

Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

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By DENTALITY - Norway

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

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By NoFightResponse - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

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By breathexali - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

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By murp - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

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By a.white - United States - Cheltenham

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

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By xXangelaXx - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

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By dustlander.com - United States - Provo

Today, I was wrapping up a 30+ hour commission when a software bug caused my main layer to delete itself. There doesn't appear to be any way I can restore it. FML

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By salt. - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

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By give me an F - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

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By PC Jones - Australia

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

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By burr415 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML

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By funnnyyyyy -_- - Nepal - Kathmandu

RIP

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

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By pk24 - United States

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

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By mike - United States

Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

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By meganridner - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me. Why? I was late for our date. We arrived at the restaurant together. FML

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By IHateMyLife - 1/2/2021 08:01

Best birthday ever!

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80 km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Bride - 25/2/2021 23:00 - New Zealand

Shush

Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML

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By Nekro_Kat - United States

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

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By Badhusky

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

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By Faith - 9/2/2021 11:01

Idiocracy

Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

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By green and not with envy - Canada - Toronto

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

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By Noname - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

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Top comments

By SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6437143 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:36

*Boss turns around, lifts up pants and nods*

"Ass you were."

By DBudders | 15

#6437142 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:36

The real question is, did he see that you saw him?

COMMENTS

By idefka | 33

#6437141 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:35

First comment.

By DBudders | 15

#6437142 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:36

The real question is, did he see that you saw him?

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6438124 - Sunday 18 October 2015 4:58

You'll know he saw if he sends you a memo about your TP report.

By SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6437143 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:36

*Boss turns around, lifts up pants and nods*

"Ass you were."

By ionab101 | 21

#6437146 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37

Sounds like urine a difficult position

allforfun | 23

#6437211 - Saturday 17 October 2015 2:38

Bahahahhaa

By juicy_extasy | 25

#6437154 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:39

That's an image I wish I could unsee. FYL OP

areid2000 | 13

#6437293 - Saturday 17 October 2015 4:45

Imagine how bad it was for OP

Lalala579121 | 27

#6437627 - Saturday 17 October 2015 16:35

You wish you could unsee the image of text on a page?

By SecundusSecunda | 27

#6437155 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:39

The real question is, did you walk back out or did you start peeing next to him, OP?

juturnaamo | 29

#6437548 - Saturday 17 October 2015 15:05

He took the urinal directly next to him, and dropped his pants, too.

By NotGabe | 28

#6437163 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:42

*takes picture*

"I'd like a raise, please. :D"

ciammmm | 11

#6437547 - Saturday 17 October 2015 15:03

Yeah that is probably blackmail and sexual harassment. hahahahaha.

By Ladisa | 28

#6437168 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:48

Since he's already exposed like that, pee on him to show dominance.

FuckThisLogin | 31

#6437174 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:55

Gotta get his scent first though ?

By dakotaabriannee | 14

#6437169 - Saturday 17 October 2015 1:49

There's some things you wish you could just un-see. Sorry OP.

By redhead_sprhro | 10

#6437209 - Saturday 17 October 2015 2:37

Gotta slap that ass and say good work today!

umreally | 3

#6437351 - Saturday 17 October 2015 6:50

Bahahahaa!!