By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 17:39 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks 33 583
You deserved it 2 331

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MolesterStallone 13

Sounds like he was doing his own performance assessment!

Icejza_DaChilla 7

*sniff sniff* What's that smell..? It smells like blackmail to me!


MolesterStallone 13

Sounds like he was doing his own performance assessment!

Maybe now he'll be in a good mood for your evaluation. Score!

Blackmail? Haha never have to worry about getting fired again

Blackmailing him would easily be grounds for firing you 35.

35 - and it's illegal...

And really hard to prove. You could say that about anyone, doesn't need to be true.

Legendoflaw 4

Made me laugh. Don't worry about the douches... Keep your sense of humor.

1- I don't respect your picture

I'm thinking OP should help him finish so they'll get good marks on their assessment :D

MolesterStallone 13

109- I don't care.

Something about your name and your profile pic disturbs me..

Your picture is quite disturbing as well...

Disturbing. Hopefully he AT LEAST washes his hands.

Most people don't wash their hands after they wank...

Then hope OP avoided the handshake...

61 - Do you regularly poll people on their masturbation habits? Or do you just assume everyone has your same hygiene practices?

To be fair, I don't. That is, unless I get some on my hand. -shrug-

Then you 104 should never shake anyone's hand ever again...

104- Or touch anything another person will touch. Just to be safe, you should probably keep your hands in your pockets. Indefinitely.

ChrisTheCalm 9

Damn 104, you broke the doctrine of being a man, Rule 6: never admit to choking the chicken.

Icejza_DaChilla 7

*sniff sniff* What's that smell..? It smells like blackmail to me!

s3cr3t 4

No that's just semen.

You'd be surprised how often sexual fluids and blackmail smell the same.

They smell the same because they are the same

NeedSomeLogic 7

Yeah, was gping to say that too but i guess i have been beaten to the punch.

Or the toilets. It is a restroom, after all.

Did you offer him some help?

theslimshadylp 6

I bet you he didn't.

And why would OP want to do that?


And dudes can't like dudes...?

Before we get into a comment war, let me point out that most people are straight. Nothings wrong with homosexuality, so everyone relax

Crisis averted Well done

Genders, sexual preferences and sarcasm aside, I still don't see how offering a hand would be any more appropriate than masturbating at work is in the first place. :p Not everyone wants to shit where they eat, so to speak. :P

Would have done wonders for his assessment, though.

All you f*cks on FML take everything to literally. I'm sure if he offered to help he would have gotten a GREAT review, or fired.

*too (only the first one, the second one is fine)

If you play your cards right, you can come out ahead.

BradTheBrony 19

The boss was already cumming out his head. HEY-OH! *cricket chirps*

...tumbleweed blows by

Osito2011 9

Op should of asked if he could lend a hand!

I think the boss already came out ahead.

Do you like what I did there? How I repeated a joke/pun, but edited it slightly?! NO? Then stop doing it yourselves. You know who you are.

theslimshadylp 6

Don't give him a handshake for God's sake.

Hey at least he will be in a good mood!

You look cool hmu

Psych101 9

96- If you're talking to 6, I'm 99% sure that picture is not him. If it is him, then he looks almost exactly like Eminem.

theslimshadylp 6

99 what are you talking about?

Psych101 9

There was an earlier comment that got deleted... Now I just look like an idiot.

Fistbump is the thing!

Maybe you should have knocked?

MolesterStallone 13

Last time I checked you don't knock to go into a public restroom...

SenselessPattern 12

Unfortunately, the FML doesn't say its a public restroom. On the other hand, if it was a single toilet bathroom, why did he not lock the door at least? Something besides OP's boss's penis is up with this story.

Why wouldn't he at least do it in a stall?

maybe op heard the fapping?

Guess who's getting a raise?

YOUR POOR POOR EYES!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! No really, I feel sorry for you... Good Luck!!

Not sure what wrong with this comment... 0_-

ceccles628 6

Well, review HIS performance.

klovemachine 24

0 stars :O