Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next...

By Dhagiik - 24/2/2017 18:00 - United States - Oak Park

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML

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Boozehound alert

Gas giant

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 05:06

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

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By pop - 29/12/2009 01:41 - France

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:18 - United Kingdom

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

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By wrongman - 14/2/2018 19:00

Today, at the public pool, my boyfriend dived from one side to the other. I jumped in to reward him underwater, kissing him everywhere and grabbing his crotch, until I noticed his shorts were different. I surfaced to see that my boyfriend was still far away. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML

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By Wellthissucks - 6/11/2017 15:26

Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML

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By Zanquis - 30/12/2016 19:04

Today, I got stuck with a water damaged kitchen. The manufactor says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

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By halitosis - 1/10/2012 07:18 - United States - Compton

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

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By Garfield - 21/1/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

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By Liam. - 1/2/2010 05:15 - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML

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By an unlucky man - 5/8/2016 09:37 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

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By NotTheSoulMate - 26/9/2013 06:54 - United States

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

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By ice cream dude - 10/8/2012 13:58 - United States - Denver

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

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By - 22/1/2017 18:00

Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

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By Karmaisabitch - 18/5/2012 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

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By NotTilly - 10/3/2010 14:54 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me "Tilly" and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all - the family was playing a joke on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Newark

Who's a good boy? Not you.

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

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By AnnieThrax - 18/9/2012 04:35 - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

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By -.- - 20/9/2013 23:58 - United States - Lakeside

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 03:57 - United States

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

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By justmyluck5150 - 17/10/2016 17:58 - United States

Today, I told the doctor that one of my ribs sticks out farther than the other. When I lifted my shirt to show him, he immediately laughed and said, "Whoa, that's not subtle is it!" As if I wasn't already insecure about it. FML

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By letsloseweight - 13/7/2009 11:30 - Korea Republic of

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

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By SonofDonald - 22/1/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

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By Bruce - 17/8/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

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By shorty - 11/4/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

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By Machine - 19/2/2009 12:18 - Japan

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

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By anti88 - 1/9/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

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By Mightytall - 11/9/2019 00:01

It's the Final Countdown

Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

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By disappointed - 7/6/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

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By MaHalKiTa - 23/7/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML

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By crapedup - 10/10/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 07:34 - United States

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

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By yeah - 25/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Nightmare

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML

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By dogshavenipples - 2/6/2010 23:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

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By Stressed dad - 18/7/2017 20:00

Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 20:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

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Top comments

By tj4234 | 35

#7416030 - Saturday 25 February 2017 0:02

Still inappropriate. Speak to HR if you have one.

By jcash52426 | 5

#7416049 - Saturday 25 February 2017 0:29

At least he's doing it in the privacy of the bathroom. (Even though he should do it in the privacy of his home).

COMMENTS

By tj4234 | 35

#7416030 - Saturday 25 February 2017 0:02

Still inappropriate. Speak to HR if you have one.

By jcash52426 | 5

#7416049 - Saturday 25 February 2017 0:29

At least he's doing it in the privacy of the bathroom. (Even though he should do it in the privacy of his home).

Cali | 54

#7417180 - Monday 27 February 2017 10:22

American bathroom stalls are nowhere near private enough!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7416053 - Saturday 25 February 2017 0:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By GIJoefan | 6

#7416070 - Saturday 25 February 2017 1:46

Awkward.

By ElusiveMee | 6

#7416093 - Saturday 25 February 2017 4:33

Did he shake your hand at the meeting?

By species4872 | 19

#7416100 - Saturday 25 February 2017 5:16

Maybe next time you should leave well enough alone.

By gimmeapotato | 13

#7416307 - Saturday 25 February 2017 14:37

Wait how did you found out it was him?!

xxmollyxx | 25

#7416410 - Saturday 25 February 2017 18:52

Maybe he walked out, couldn't find his boss and then saw the boss leaving the bathroom. I doubt he peeked into the stall, but who knows anymore...

By extremereviews | 26

#7416322 - Saturday 25 February 2017 15:05

Studies show sexual relief during the work day improves productivity and morale

species4872 | 19

#7416402 - Saturday 25 February 2017 18:27

Especially for the person in the next stall.

By dabomsht123 | 3

#7416475 - Saturday 25 February 2017 21:25

It's best to keep your mouth shut about that kind of shit