Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML
Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Eliseopwns 22
Teenage fads... Not your fault. A good laugh for her future self, you know?
tjv3 10
Well you started going wrong when you allowed a cardboard cut out of Edward Cullen into your house
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (98)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Stories like these are what make all Twilight fans look bad. I'm a major Twilight fan but am I a "Twitard?" No, because I'm not obsessed with the series to the point of wishing the fictional characters were real and trying to become one of them. But anyway, I guarantee your daughter was talking to the cardboard cutout pretending he was real, and that's why she won't talk to you about it. Tell her to stop doing that because it's making the rest of us look bad.
acerredrum 23
Honestly being a Twilight fan is bad enough imho. I've read the entire series and it was terrible. A perfect example of an abusive relationship written very poorly. The first movie, (The only one I could force myself to watch.) had almost zero acting in it and followed the book closely enough to be terrible. Stephanie Meyer cannot describe anything with out using an adjective and writes worse than internet fanfiction I've read.
GhostChickens 17
I don't like the books or the movies either but if people want to like them, go ahead. It's just fluff, there for entertainment. As long as people don't think that's how all their relationships should be or get too emotional about it all, it's fine by me. Also, I don't know about Kristen Stewart because I haven't seen her in much, but Nikki Reed and Robert Pattinson are actually fairly good actors when working with better scripts. You can't really blame them for being bad in Twilight when the source material they were working from was pretty crappy.
acerredrum 23
It isn't even the material, an actor can make any material half way decent through compelling acting. The main issue is the director that, from what I understand directs bland pathetic shit all the time.
wraithfodder 8
Letting her have the cut-out in the first place!
saffy66 34
Creepy fictional stalker will never tell her secrets, or criticise her. That's part of the appeal I imagine.
laden_swallow09 35
So can a puppy. At least they can hug back and kiss you out of a funk.
Ketsu_fml 2
Hey, it'll eventually pass. Just a phase. :P
sprints54 19
Burn it in front of her
ywolfgl 21
There is nothing wrong with watching anything. What happens after is key
kitty292 9
Toss it.
Thomas6792 7
the having a kid part
acerredrum 23
Meh, I still own the stuffed animal I grew up with and cry into it when I've had a truly terrible day. It is kind of the same thing except one is a constipated fairy and the other is a stuffed animal. I figure the only thing unhealthy about her daughter is her taste.
Huddisher 10
This saddens me.