By parenting sucks - 01/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 585
You deserved it 5 353

Same thing different taste

Top comments

WDLfootball 8

Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.


I'm replying to the first comment to be at the top!

aren't you the coolest? ask chuck norris?

Andrew1122 0

how does she know who Chuck Norris is?

who doesnt know who chuck norris is?

KingGeorgeGal 12

You don't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

WDLfootball 8

Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

whybother8 0

serously, who is chuck norris?

KingGeorgeGal 12

the guy who impregnated Mary with Jesus and the only human being to have a beard-fist. one time he got a boner lying down ad struck oil. that was the first discovery of oil in history

missbays 1

There is absolutely no excuse for not knowing who Chuck Norris is.

yummycupkake 0

who wouldn't cry if they thought/knew Chuck Norris was going to kill them!?

whippymcdumb4zs 0

Chuck Norris and superman got in an arm wrestling contest, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.

futtbuck101 1

Too bad you can't convince Chuck Norris to not kill your sister.

Chuck Norris is going to kill each and every one of us eventually..

iEatGuppies 0

you can come out from under your rock anytime. how the hell do you not know who Chuck Norris is?

KiddNYC1O 20

From what I understand, Chuck Norris is the guy that packs a punch from his beard...

36; Chuck Norris was born March 10th 1940 dumbass. Look it up.

Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding!

108- Why you gotta be such a tit-shitter?

131 Tit shitter? Damn. And I don't see the humor in the Chuck Norris jokes. . .

KiddNYC1O 20

Chuck Norris once fought Batman on a bet. The loser had to stick with Robin.

eltapatio16 5

chuck norris ordered a Big mac at BK... and got it.


IronMaiden45 0

it's ok even Freddy Krueger stays up as long as possible for fear that Chuck Norris will be in his nightmares.

rallets 22

chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight but not because hes afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of him when chuck norris does a push up, hes not pushing himself up, hes pushing the world down

xMexicanXJesusx 0

Look at my pic, he's gonna kill her.

some people wear superman pajamas to bed......superman wears chuck Norris pajamas to bed......

I see what you did there, #36! ;D (Sadly, his real birth date is on March 10, 1940.)

how come no one commented on how cute the first dudes pic is? the doggie is totally swaggin!

zendaddy0 0

chuck Norris devided by zero twice chuck Norris can beat the sun in a staring contest chuck Norris can run around the world so fast he punches him self in the back chuck Norris created optomis prime by peeing in an 18 wheelers gas tank chuck Norris died thirty years ago death just doesn't have the guts to tell him death once had a near chuck Norris experience chuck Norris tears can cure cancer too bad chuck Norris doesn't cry chuck Norris can slam a rotating door thought you would like these

iiNfAMoUs_KiiD 3

well chuck Norris is someone who you shouldn't Mess with, if I was the parent I'd be scared too :|

When Jesus walked on water, he said Chuck Norris taught him how to. Chuck Norris counted to infinity, 4 times. Hitler took suicide pills because Chuck Norris threatened to destroy Germany if he didn't. The dinosaurs had a mass suicide because Chuck Norris said he thought they were ugly. The flood of Noah's Ark was one of Chuck Norris' tears. Hell is Chuck Norris' childhood playground.

itsmeyippie 0

the boogeyman checks under his bed for chuck Norris chuck Norris can earn a nuke on Call of duty Black Ops AIDS were created when Chuck Norris had bad sex and wanted the woman to pay

hahaurfunnylol 1

Navy Seals didn't kill osama bin laden chuck Norris did.

whippymcdumb4zs 0

Chuck Norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes. Chuck Norris cheated on his English test..................with a calculator Chuck Norris is so awesome he created fire by rubbbing two ice cubes together. Chuck Norris sued Facebook for posting his newest victims list Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic Chuck Norris didn't hit puberty, he beat the crap out of it!! Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was going to send an email, but decided it would be faster to run. If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed. Chuck Norris has found the end of the rainbow. Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives. Chuck Norris can punch his fist through trees and pull out pencils. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet. When Chuck Norris looks at Medusa, she turns to stone. Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life. Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force. Chuck Norris special orders his pencils without erasers because Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes. Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris. If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence. When Chuck Norris goes on a picnic, the ants bring him food. Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss. Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land. Chuck Norris can whistle in 14 different languages. Chuck Norris can win a staring contest...with his eyes closed. The Dead Sea was formerly known as The Living Sea. Until it met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime. Chuck Norris can bungee jump... without a cord Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave. Handicapped Parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The picture shows what will happen to you if you take his spot. Chuck Norris grows weed in Farmville and sells it on Mafia Wars Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it Chuck Norris doesn't shave. He uses his beard to sharpen razors. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris once had a staring competion with himself in the mirror .. Chuck Norris won Chuck Norris once had a bet with the Hulk, the loser had to paint himself green Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction! Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris doesn't age. He levels up When Chuck Norris jumps, gravity pulls a muscle.

vergaso 0

I think your daughter spent too much time on barrens chat before cataclysm....... btw barrens split in 2 because chuck Norris didn't like the jokes so he slashed it with nail

NONSENCE! No one knows when Chuck Norris will kill him. pssshhh!!

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim on land.

when people need help they call superman. when super man needs help he calls chuck norris

jdengel 0

you are stupid if you take any chuck Norris joke as actual fact, it's just fun

KingGeorgeGal 12

Chuck Norris went to The Virgin Islands now it is just called The Islands.

pandemic0774 2

286- you sir should die for not knowing! chuck norris had a daughter and she lost her virginity he got it back!

vergaso 0

WTF youra disgrace to chuck norris..... why would he **** a land mass like the virgin islands? btw he found his daughters virginity at the virgin islands that's the real story

thats what i said, and got called a tit shitter

itsmeyippie 0

298- get your panties out of a bunch, it is called a joke so people have fun with them, obviously they aren't real but the girl is probably younger than 10 I'd assume, if she thinks they are real she is probably pretty young

Chuck norris doesn't own a home, he walks into random houses and people walk out. Chuck norris makes orange juice from a banana. Chuck Norris doesn't fight he just allows you to lose. Chuck Norris was kicked from wwe for killing competitors and destroying the stadiums.

IronMaiden45 0

chuck norris played Russian roulette with a loaded gun and won chuck norris was bitten by a rattle snake, after several days of excruciating pain the snake died chuck norris counted to infinity twice the real reason why hitler killed himself was because he found out chuck norris is a jew

Leatherandlace 0

What is the fascination with Chuck Norris? He's a muscly old guy with a beard. OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

there was once a Kung Fu concert in Beijing...Chuck Norris was invited...the day when he arrived population doubled...coincidence I think not ;)

I meant tournament not concert...I had intense finger spasms

thePr3da1i3nrulz 4

people invinted cars as a faster way to get away from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone Chuck Norris invinted the car accident. :)

There is no such thing as a Chuck Norris joke. Only Chuck Norris facts. Don't make jokes about Chuck Norris. He can hear you. Oh my god!! Chuck Norris is standing behind you!!

306- Heheheh... titshitter...that's funny...:)

nobody calls cjuck. you should know that

I'm 12 and I know who chuck Norris is .-. EVERYONE knows who chuck Norris is

no one can get away from king Norris.

oldpplburnin 0

I'm mr bucket put your balls on my top

prince122 0

she has the full right to b scared and if any1 wants to find chuck Norris just go on google type find chuck Norris and click im feeling lucky

EpicPwnageGuy 0

You don't find chuck Norris, he finds you.

yes it does suck... and OP, just tell that child that if Chuck Norris wanted to kill him/her then she/he would've been dead already.

well, OP might as well let the daughter know the truth...

Tell her Chuck Norris doesn't kill people he just allows them to die. :P

taticalnNinja 5

Well... unfortunately for her, she's come realize what is 99.99% most likely to kill her. I cried for days when I realized this too...

chuchnorris died 10years ago it's just the grim reaper hasn't got enought currage to tell him

Ilikethenamesam 3

He only triplifies! wait, What?

I strongly dislike chuck Norris. He actually can beat ass. What's his martial arts record? 127-10? But there have been better and I think he is overplayed and stupid.

193- I think no one would be surprised if Chuck Norris shows up at your door. (:

Cool. Chuck ******* Noris is gonna show up at my door. **** that bitch.

I second 193s comment. No one really knows who Chuck Norris is. He is an actor and martial artist. He was in a couple of movies and people started making crazy facts and jokes about him because of his appearance. Now he's a strong conservative rebublican supporter. I'm probably going to get a ton of thumbs downs, but someone had to say it.

she should know, if chuck norris wanted her dead, she already would be.

196- Oh no...I hope you lived your meager existence well...since you won't be around much longer:-/

champagne210 0

i didnt know justin bieber had an fml account and goes by the name of taticalnNinja?

CleanseTheKraken 0

She googled Chuck Norris an hit "I'm feeling lucky" and stayed on too long.

he is coming for her... he just doesnt know it yet o.O

That's some scary shit. I suggest you take her as far away from town as possible. But then again, Chuck Norris can always find you....

Take her out of town anyway. We don't want civilian casualties from the collateral damage Chuck will cause.

you can't hide from chuck Norris he is always right behind you.

CabooseWins 0

What did she do to Chuck anyways?

She doubted his mightyness and now ***** her pants since she got a vision chuck norris will come and kill her in an impossible way that is soo impossible no1 would ever be able to discribe it in any way possible and the date of course is THE date : 11/11/'11 11:11 and 11 seconds, she got only 7 days left 2 live her life to the fullest and she knows that

what made her so afraid of chuck Norris??

is there a reason she shouldn't be scared? I would shit myself if I ever had any reason to believe Chuck Norris was after me.

prince122 0

I wouldn't... omg a hill Billy with a beard is coming to kill me oh Noooo (yawn)

100 - I hope you enjoy your funeral.

Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.

Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.

Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.

Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.

Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.

Whoah that was wayy worse than a double post.

Hehehe. Wanna see how evil? Come on back, I can a van full of candy.

I have a van full of chuck Norris jokes.

Wtf? I don't even... Lol.. Tell her cn is a protector and only hurts the bad!

iAmScrubs 19

Chuck Norris usually only goes for grizzly bears, but your daughter has a right to be scared. I hear he has a black belt on a beard that he grows on his dick.