Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
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By
dolphincheddar
| 10
don't mess with chuck Norris
By
WDLfootball
| 8
Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.
COMMENTS
By
dolphincheddar
| 10
don't mess with chuck Norris
Reply
mrjohnz
| 0
I'm replying to the first comment to be at the top!
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
aren't you the coolest? ask chuck
norris?
norris?
Reply
Andrew1122
| 0
how does she know who Chuck Norris is?
Reply
wizzy15
| 5
who doesnt know who chuck norris is?
Reply
TheCrazyAli28
| 1
u gon' get fucked up
Reply
KingGeorgeGal
| 12
You don't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.
Reply
WDLfootball
| 8
Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.
Reply
whybother8
| 0
serously, who is chuck norris?
Reply
KingGeorgeGal
| 12
44; You fail at life.
Reply
dolphincheddar
| 10
the guy who impregnated Mary with Jesus and the only human being to have a beard-fist. one time he got a boner lying down ad struck oil. that was the first discovery of oil in history
Reply
missbays
| 1
There is absolutely no excuse for not knowing who Chuck Norris is.
Reply
yummycupkake
| 0
who wouldn't cry if they thought/knew Chuck Norris was going to kill them!?
Reply
whippymcdumb4zs
| 0
Chuck Norris and superman got in an arm wrestling contest, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.
Reply
futtbuck101
| 1
Too bad you can't convince Chuck Norris to not kill your sister.
Reply
DropDead77
| 11
Chuck Norris is going to kill each and every one of us eventually..
Reply
iEatGuppies
| 0
you can come out from under your rock anytime.
how the hell do you not know who Chuck Norris is?
how the hell do you not know who Chuck Norris is?
Reply
KiddNYC1O
| 20
From what I understand, Chuck Norris is the guy that packs a punch from his beard...
Reply
MrOcean
| 0
36; Chuck Norris was born March 10th 1940 dumbass. Look it up.
Reply
FailBear920
| 19
Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding!
Reply
theaws0m3guy
| 4
108- Why you gotta be such a tit-shitter?
Reply
anorexicbarbie
| 8
131 Tit shitter? Damn.
And I don't see the humor in the Chuck Norris jokes. . .
And I don't see the humor in the Chuck Norris jokes. . .
Reply
KiddNYC1O
| 20
Chuck Norris once fought Batman on a bet. The loser had to stick with Robin.
Reply
eltapatio16
| 5
chuck norris ordered a Big mac at BK... and got it.
Reply
itsbritneybixchh
| 0
#36 WIN
Reply
grymdylan
| 1
HOW CAN ANYONE *NOT* KNOW CHUCK NORRIS?
Reply
ripgeorgecarl1n
| 7
Well...her fears ARE justified.
Reply
IronMaiden45
| 0
it's ok even Freddy Krueger stays up as long as possible for fear that Chuck Norris will be in his nightmares.
Reply
rallets
| 22
chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight but not because hes afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of him
when chuck norris does a push up, hes not pushing himself up, hes pushing the world down
when chuck norris does a push up, hes not pushing himself up, hes pushing the world down
Reply
xMexicanXJesusx
| 0
Look at my pic, he's gonna kill her.
Reply
toasty97
| 3
some people wear superman pajamas to bed......superman wears chuck Norris pajamas to bed......
Reply
nateiztite
| 5
or hell round house your ass
Reply
lonewolf999
| 1
I see what you did there, #36! ;D
(Sadly, his real birth date is on March 10, 1940.)
(Sadly, his real birth date is on March 10, 1940.)
Reply
NuTrees
| 9
how come no one commented on how cute the first dudes pic is? the doggie is totally swaggin!
Reply
zendaddy0
| 0
chuck Norris devided by zero twice
chuck Norris can beat the sun in a staring contest
chuck Norris can run around the world so fast he punches him self in the back
chuck Norris created optomis prime by peeing in an 18 wheelers gas tank
chuck Norris died thirty years ago death just doesn't have the guts to tell him
death once had a near chuck Norris experience
chuck Norris tears can cure cancer too bad chuck Norris doesn't cry
chuck Norris can slam a rotating door
thought you would like these
chuck Norris can beat the sun in a staring contest
chuck Norris can run around the world so fast he punches him self in the back
chuck Norris created optomis prime by peeing in an 18 wheelers gas tank
chuck Norris died thirty years ago death just doesn't have the guts to tell him
death once had a near chuck Norris experience
chuck Norris tears can cure cancer too bad chuck Norris doesn't cry
chuck Norris can slam a rotating door
thought you would like these
Reply
thegypsy
| 0
WHAT?!
Reply
iiNfAMoUs_KiiD
| 3
well chuck Norris is someone who you shouldn't Mess with, if I was the parent I'd be scared too :|
Reply
The_Weirdo
| 10
When Jesus walked on water, he said Chuck Norris taught him how to.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, 4 times.
Hitler took suicide pills because Chuck Norris threatened to destroy Germany if he didn't.
The dinosaurs had a mass suicide because Chuck Norris said he thought they were ugly.
The flood of Noah's Ark was one of Chuck Norris' tears.
Hell is Chuck Norris' childhood playground.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, 4 times.
Hitler took suicide pills because Chuck Norris threatened to destroy Germany if he didn't.
The dinosaurs had a mass suicide because Chuck Norris said he thought they were ugly.
The flood of Noah's Ark was one of Chuck Norris' tears.
Hell is Chuck Norris' childhood playground.
Reply
itsmeyippie
| 0
the boogeyman checks under his bed for chuck Norris
chuck Norris can earn a nuke on Call of duty Black Ops
AIDS were created when Chuck Norris had bad sex and wanted the woman to pay
chuck Norris can earn a nuke on Call of duty Black Ops
AIDS were created when Chuck Norris had bad sex and wanted the woman to pay
Reply
hahaurfunnylol
| 1
Navy Seals didn't kill osama bin laden chuck Norris did.
Reply
whippymcdumb4zs
| 0
Chuck Norris can punch a cyclops between the eyes.
Chuck Norris cheated on his English test..................with a calculator
Chuck Norris is so awesome he created fire by rubbbing two ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris sued Facebook for posting his newest victims list
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris didn't hit puberty, he beat the crap out of it!!
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was going to send an email, but decided it would be faster to run.
If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.
Chuck Norris has found the end of the rainbow.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris can punch his fist through trees and pull out pencils.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
When Chuck Norris looks at Medusa, she turns to stone.
Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force.
Chuck Norris special orders his pencils without erasers because Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.
If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.
When Chuck Norris goes on a picnic, the ants bring him food.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can whistle in 14 different languages.
Chuck Norris can win a staring contest...with his eyes closed.
The Dead Sea was formerly known as The Living Sea. Until it met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can bungee jump... without a cord
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave.
Handicapped Parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The picture shows what will happen to you if you take his spot.
Chuck Norris grows weed in Farmville and sells it on Mafia Wars
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Chuck Norris doesn't shave. He uses his beard to sharpen razors.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris once had a staring competion with himself in the mirror .. Chuck Norris won
Chuck Norris once had a bet with the Hulk, the loser had to paint himself green
Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't age. He levels up
When Chuck Norris jumps, gravity pulls a muscle.
Chuck Norris cheated on his English test..................with a calculator
Chuck Norris is so awesome he created fire by rubbbing two ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris sued Facebook for posting his newest victims list
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris didn't hit puberty, he beat the crap out of it!!
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was going to send an email, but decided it would be faster to run.
If you stab Chuck Norris, your knife will bleed.
Chuck Norris has found the end of the rainbow.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris can punch his fist through trees and pull out pencils.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
When Chuck Norris looks at Medusa, she turns to stone.
Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force.
Chuck Norris special orders his pencils without erasers because Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.
If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.
When Chuck Norris goes on a picnic, the ants bring him food.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can whistle in 14 different languages.
Chuck Norris can win a staring contest...with his eyes closed.
The Dead Sea was formerly known as The Living Sea. Until it met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can bungee jump... without a cord
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris can make ice cubes with a microwave.
Handicapped Parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The picture shows what will happen to you if you take his spot.
Chuck Norris grows weed in Farmville and sells it on Mafia Wars
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Chuck Norris doesn't shave. He uses his beard to sharpen razors.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris once had a staring competion with himself in the mirror .. Chuck Norris won
Chuck Norris once had a bet with the Hulk, the loser had to paint himself green
Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't age. He levels up
When Chuck Norris jumps, gravity pulls a muscle.
Reply
vergaso
| 0
I think your daughter spent too much time on barrens chat before cataclysm.......
btw barrens split in 2 because chuck Norris didn't like the jokes so he slashed it with nail
btw barrens split in 2 because chuck Norris didn't like the jokes so he slashed it with nail
Reply
NONSENCE!
No one knows when Chuck Norris will kill him. pssshhh!!
No one knows when Chuck Norris will kill him. pssshhh!!
Reply
starkiller731
| 2
he's coming for you next.
Reply
NCR
| 0
he's old
Reply
drizzy212
| 4
He is Darth Vader's father
Reply
demarcusT
| 0
Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Reply
lmfaoooooooooo
| 4
when people need help they call superman. when super man needs help he calls chuck norris
Reply
jdengel
| 0
you are stupid if you take any chuck Norris joke as actual fact, it's just fun
Reply
Jdeluxh
| 12
270- incorrect it is fact
Reply
ISinSoDoYou
| 0
36, Chuck was born 3/10. not 3/6.
Reply
KingGeorgeGal
| 12
Chuck Norris went to The Virgin Islands now it is just called The Islands.
Reply
pandemic0774
| 2
286- you sir should die for not knowing!
chuck norris had a daughter and she lost her virginity he got it back!
chuck norris had a daughter and she lost her virginity he got it back!
Reply
vergaso
| 0
WTF youra disgrace to chuck norris.....
why would he fuck a land mass like the virgin islands?
btw he found his daughters virginity at the virgin islands that's the real story
why would he fuck a land mass like the virgin islands?
btw he found his daughters virginity at the virgin islands that's the real story
Reply
MrOcean
| 0
thats what i said, and got called a tit shitter
Reply
itsmeyippie
| 0
298- get your panties out of a bunch, it is called a joke so people have fun with them, obviously they aren't real but the girl is probably younger than 10 I'd assume, if she thinks they are real she is probably pretty young
Reply
wingsfan19
| 2
what the fuck is wrong with you??
Reply
wingsfan19
| 2
what the fuck is wrong with you??
Reply
EmperorPsycho
| 0
Chuck norris doesn't own a home, he walks into random houses and people walk out. Chuck norris makes orange juice from a banana. Chuck Norris doesn't fight he just allows you to lose. Chuck Norris was kicked from wwe for killing competitors and destroying the stadiums.
Reply
IronMaiden45
| 0
chuck norris played Russian roulette with a loaded gun and won
chuck norris was bitten by a rattle snake, after several days of excruciating pain the snake died
chuck norris counted to infinity twice
the real reason why hitler killed himself was because he found out chuck norris is a jew
chuck norris was bitten by a rattle snake, after several days of excruciating pain the snake died
chuck norris counted to infinity twice
the real reason why hitler killed himself was because he found out chuck norris is a jew
Reply
deekiin
| 0
make me a sammich :)
Reply
Leatherandlace
| 0
What is the fascination with Chuck Norris? He's a muscly old guy with a beard. OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!
Reply
ykthechild
| 0
there was once a Kung Fu concert in Beijing...Chuck Norris was invited...the day when he arrived population doubled...coincidence I think not ;)
Reply
ykthechild
| 0
I meant tournament not concert...I had intense finger spasms
Reply
manda_smith92
| 3
Fay fags gayyy(:
Reply
thePr3da1i3nrulz
| 4
people invinted cars as a faster way to get away from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone Chuck Norris invinted the car accident. :)
Reply
Luvmehateme292
| 0
There is no such thing as a Chuck Norris joke. Only Chuck Norris facts.
Don't make jokes about Chuck Norris. He can hear you.
Oh my god!! Chuck Norris is standing behind you!!
Don't make jokes about Chuck Norris. He can hear you.
Oh my god!! Chuck Norris is standing behind you!!
Reply
Luvmehateme292
| 0
306- Heheheh... titshitter...that's funny...:)
Reply
006ruler
| 0
nobody calls cjuck. you should know that
Reply
Allyb321
| 0
I'm 12 and I know who chuck Norris is .-. EVERYONE knows who chuck Norris is
Reply
KFreshin
| 0
no one can get away from king Norris.
Reply
golong77
| 0
chuck noris died last year
Reply
ChucktheNorris
| 0
no idiot I was born march 10th 1940
Reply
ChucktheNorris
| 0
do not mess with me.
Reply
oldpplburnin
| 0
you stupid brad
By
megajako
| 0
lol that sucks
Reply
sns_fml
| 0
I'm mr bucket put your balls on my top
Reply
BigHoshJosh
| 0
was she high?
Reply
prince122
| 0
no she was on shrooms.
Reply
ColorfulDonut
| 7
she has the full right to b scared and if any1 wants to find chuck Norris just go on google type find chuck Norris and click im feeling lucky
Reply
snade
| 0
103 I'm a bit scared to do that.
Reply
SomeFMLPerson
| 0
May her soul rest in peace... :(
Reply
EpicPwnageGuy
| 0
You don't find chuck Norris, he finds you.
Reply
hilda_kitty
| 16
yes it does suck...
and OP, just tell that child that if Chuck Norris wanted to kill him/her then she/he would've been dead already.
and OP, just tell that child that if Chuck Norris wanted to kill him/her then she/he would've been dead already.
Reply
dorux1897
| 0
well, OP might as well let the daughter know the truth...
Reply
ChucktheNorris
| 0
I'm finding you too.
Reply
mtbrown
| 0
Tell her Chuck Norris doesn't kill people he just allows them to die. :P
By
taticalnNinja
| 5
chuck norris never dies
Reply
whiteboy7thst
| 2
He only multiplies..
Reply
knights95
| 9
Gypsy
Reply
Crncj
| 0
#4- your Sexy
Reply
itsbritneybixchh
| 0
96 has the best pic ever(; haha.
Reply
corporatescoundr
| 25
Well... unfortunately for her, she's come realize what is 99.99% most likely to kill her. I cried for days when I realized this too...
Reply
coetchops
| 0
chuchnorris died 10years ago it's just the grim reaper hasn't got enought currage to tell him
Reply
Ilikethenamesam
| 3
He only triplifies! wait, What?
Reply
ImAHomosexual
| 0
I strongly dislike chuck Norris. He actually can beat ass. What's his martial arts record? 127-10? But there have been better and I think he is overplayed and stupid.
Reply
ajrzjr
| 0
193- I think no one would be surprised if Chuck Norris shows up at your door. (:
Reply
ImAHomosexual
| 0
Cool. Chuck Fucking Noris is gonna show up at my door. Fuck that bitch.
Reply
EliseAqua
| 0
I second 193s comment. No one really knows who Chuck Norris is. He is an actor and martial artist. He was in a couple of movies and people started making crazy facts and jokes about him because of his appearance. Now he's a strong conservative rebublican supporter.
I'm probably going to get a ton of thumbs downs, but someone had to say it.
I'm probably going to get a ton of thumbs downs, but someone had to say it.
Reply
leader0011
| 5
she should know, if chuck norris wanted her dead, she already would be.
Reply
Luvmehateme292
| 0
196- Oh no...I hope you lived your meager existence well...since you won't be around much longer:-/
Reply
champagne210
| 0
i didnt know justin bieber had an fml account and goes by the name of taticalnNinja?
Reply
iluvcrazipepl
| 9
thank you
By
CleanseTheKraken
| 0
Too many movies?
Reply
whiteboy7thst
| 2
or not enough weed...
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
She googled Chuck Norris an hit "I'm feeling lucky" and stayed on too long.
Reply
ichikibobivopula
| 0
it's chucknorriphobia
Reply
btown1616
| 0
he is coming for her... he just doesnt know it yet o.O
Reply
that_band_nerd
| 22
#303, also called common sense.
By
LNK112
| 5
That's some scary shit. I suggest you take her as far away from town as possible. But then again, Chuck Norris can always find you....
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
Take her out of town anyway. We don't want civilian casualties from the collateral damage Chuck will cause.
Reply
suprmidgt
| 0
you can't hide from chuck Norris he is always right behind you.
Reply
CabooseWins
| 0
What did she do to Chuck anyways?
Reply
EmreArslan
| 11
She doubted his mightyness and now shits her pants since she got a vision chuck norris will come and kill her in an impossible way that is soo impossible no1 would ever be able to discribe it in any way possible and the date of course is THE date : 11/11/'11 11:11 and 11 seconds, she got only 7 days left 2 live her life to the fullest and she knows that
By
OrgasmicBunnies
| 9
Go reanimate Bruce Lee, he is her only hope.
Reply
blahman52
| 2
lol, like this comment...
Reply
tnlander
| 20
Winning ^
Reply
DaniBee420
| 6
I love ur pic. everyone loves hula hoops :)
By
bbyrub
| 0
what made her so afraid of chuck Norris??
Reply
kittykat1497
| 7
is there a reason she shouldn't be scared? I would shit myself if I ever had any reason to believe Chuck Norris was after me.
Reply
prince122
| 0
I wouldn't... omg a hill Billy with a beard is coming to kill me oh Noooo (yawn)
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Saltime
| 0
100 - I hope you enjoy your funeral.
Reply
Docbee
| 11
Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.
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Docbee
| 11
Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.
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Docbee
| 11
Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.
Reply
Docbee
| 11
Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.
Reply
Docbee
| 11
Somebody told her guns don't kill people Chuck Norris kills people.
Reply
Docbee
| 11
Whoah that was wayy worse than a double post.
Reply
CryMoreFMLs
| 14
The rare double double post.
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phuckejiu
| 3
^ he's evil
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CryMoreFMLs
| 14
Hehehe. Wanna see how evil? Come on back, I can a van full of candy.
Reply
ajrzjr
| 0
I got a van full of children (;
Reply
The_Weirdo
| 10
I have a van full of chuck Norris jokes.
Reply
that_band_nerd
| 22
I don't have a van! or friends.....
Reply
lil_ham1644
| 29
F
By
stevenmx86
| 7
Wtf? I don't even... Lol.. Tell her cn is a protector and only hurts the bad!
By
iAmScrubs
| 19
Chuck Norris usually only goes for grizzly bears, but your daughter has a right to be scared. I hear he has a black belt on a beard that he grows on his dick.
Reply
fruitmasterpuff
| 2
epic rap battles?
Reply
limeyemilyy
| 0
OF HISTORYYYYYY
Reply
twistedparadox
| 0
lmao erboh reference
Reply
noobienick
| 19
Reference win!
By
manbearpig7173
| 0
Well...is he?