Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML
Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
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Top comments
Eliseopwns 22
Teenage fads... Not your fault. A good laugh for her future self, you know?
tjv3 10
Well you started going wrong when you allowed a cardboard cut out of Edward Cullen into your house
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Comments (98)
butman 9
Stupid girl, never go for a Hufflepuff.
KiddNYC1O 22
You'll go right when you put it through a wood chipper... Not your daughter, the cutout.
SaintJimmyxx 8
this is still happening?
cylus13 9
You got older. Just remember when you were that age.
interesting33 37
It does mean a lot to her though so maybe don't diss it in front of her? Hope she tells you - it is good you care for her :)
Link5794 18
Raykyogrou03 12
You went wrong when you bought her that cutout
shakespearelove 6
I love this FML just because you said "whose facial expression is locked in 'chronically constipated'". That is hilarious, and very true!
JustTheBoringMe 6
Clearly someone went wrong when they gave her the Edward Cullen cut-out.
Deviant_fml 5
Parents actually expect their kids to come to them with their problems? That's so cute.