Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML
Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, feeling very distant from my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
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Top comments
Eliseopwns 22
Teenage fads... Not your fault. A good laugh for her future self, you know?
tjv3 10
Well you started going wrong when you allowed a cardboard cut out of Edward Cullen into your house
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Comments (98)
Smoldering 15
Op's daughter : Ohhh Edward I didn't want to kill Kristen Stewart, but I had too so we could be together. I hope you understand.
razz122 5
Letting her get that cut-out.
laden_swallow09 35
Oh, yeah. It's literally a religion. Pray to Edward for protection, Alice for foresight… It's truly frightening what lengths these morons will go.
skyeyez9 25
Adopt a pet from the shelter if you are able and have her confide in her new puppy or kitten instead. Its alot healthier vs using a cardboard cutout. Pets are good for this, they lower blood pressure just by petting and cuddling them.
fuckmylife518 15
You went wrong when you got her the cutout of the creepy stalker whose facial expression is set to "constantly constipated".
processengineer 9
could be worse....it could be Justin Bieber
deemarie13 14
You let her watch/ read that crap.
perry_sameh20 18
Teenage stage, thats such a normal reaction. Dont worry :)
trueblue170 13
So she is confiding in someone who not only isn't a real "vampire" but a sparkling fairy princess, but is also a manipulative abuser? :/
vondie440 14
You went wrong by letting her have an Edward Cullen cut out.