By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML
I agree, your life sucks 27 781
You deserved it 1 962

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Someone had two forks in them?? Did they try to get one out with another?

I was going to take a stab at a pun, but I was afraid my joke just wasn't going to cut it.


I don't want to thread jack but just to make it apparent if it isn't, this is DocBastard who posted the FML

25- Can't even go through a doctor-related FML anymore without seeing people kiss the ground he stands on. Disgraceful.

Wow, so simply mentioning me now constitutes kissing the ground I stand on? Seriously RussianFox, your outright animosity towards me is reaching a crescendo. If you want to have it out with me, I'll be out at the flagpole at 3 o'clock. Be there, you pussy.

I'm pulling for Doc in that fight just because RussianFox is a brony. Bronies suck.

Five bucks on Doc winning! Any other bets?

Rebi3144 8

It wasn't Doc who wrote this? Damn! I was hoping to hear about it in great detail in his blog.

Doc can beat the shit out of russianfox and then diagnose all of his injuries...making sure no treatment is given of course, unless an apology is made. Then he gets the homeless dude who thinks he is a doctor to help him.

MindFreakazoid 10

Oh, FML, what fun. Man. Time to lurk the comments more.

Doc didn't post this. If I'm not mistaken, he doesn't live in America.

57 is a complete asshole. Brownies don't suck you do.

61- About Me is still the same. I won't bother fighting this since the brown nosers will fight DocBastards battles for him once again proving my point.

118 is totally correct. Doc lives in mumbai which is in india and most certainly not in texas.

Link5794 18

Is there anything wrong with liking DocBastard?

Hah, I'm so excited to pursue a career in medical now....

chrissy2 28

A lot of weird things happen in the medical field... I have a friend who had a guy come in to the ER saying he had a live hamster stuck in his ass.

Oh wow... Did he survive? (The hamster, of course)

chrissy2 28

What would make a person stick a live hamster up their ass? Wouldn't that be painful? And counted as animal abuse?

chrissy2 28

I am not against gay people, and I have a hard time believing that they do this...but apparently there is a practice that they do where they stick a string to a hamster and shove it up there and they like the feeling of the clawing. That is at least what she said when I asked about it.

I really, deeply promise all of you, as a man queerer than a three-dollar bill, it is not a 'queer practice' to stick a hamster up your rear. Or any form of **********. That's not a thing and someone was trolling you.

chrissy2 28

I'm not sure if a hospital can charge you with Animal abuse....

I don't know my facts, because it's a little different in the Ocean where I live, but can't they inform the police or somebody of it? If they were harmed whilst doing illegal things, then should they not be treated and then arrested?

chrissy2 28

I'm not sure. I think that they could anonymously report someone...but I think your hospital records are "confidential". Like if you overdosed on illegal drugs I don't think you would be arrested.

And this is why stupid people need not watch things like South Park. Poor Lemmiwinks!

Hospitals can definitely report it. Just like therapists can report what you say if it harms you or someone else. It's confidential only as it's not dangerous.

chell1894 13

My Mother works at a hospital. Medical records are confidential to employers, your average bear, etc. but not to the law and police officers. That's like saying if a child came to the hospital beaten by their father you can't report it because medical records are confidential. All medical records being confidential means is that people can't simply just get a hold of them like employers and so on. The law is the law and a hospital will report anything against the law being animal abuse, drug abuse, child abuse, etc.

Krajjan 9

126 - They report what they are legally mandated to report. Suspected child abuse, obvious crime victims such and stabbings and GSWs, sexual assault victims, etc. I don't think sexual deviancy by gerbil is specifically on the list, so probably non-reportable.

It's not abuse if the hamster liked it.

chell1894 13

126 animal abuse is against the law. Whether its a hamster, dog, or cat. They will report anything against law. Whether the police do something about it, well that is up to the police. But a hospital does report any kind of abuse or anything against the law.

chell1894 13

Looks like they got the wrong end of the wishbone

Someone had two forks in them?? Did they try to get one out with another?

It would have worked if they hadn't pushed just a little too far...

Inheritance 10

That or a husband pissed of his wife.

Probably got stabbed. You never know........

honeybadgerr 9

6- Lol your comment reminded me of talladega knights when Ricky bobby thinks he's paralyzed and stabs a knife in his leg and his friends try to get it out by wedging another knife in his leg

Lennes 12

I automatically thought of Avatar. When Sokka got two fish hooks in his thumb? Anybody?

Inheritance 10

You mean Avatar the last Airbender?

sabbethia 5

That's exactly what I thought too!!

Sokka: Oh, well, then thanks for all the help over the years. Like when I fell into the greasebeary bramble, and that time I had TWO fish hooks in my thumb!! Aang: TWO?? Katara: he tried to get the first fishhook out with another fishhook. That? Lol

turtlechef 2

Maybe it was 2 people with one in each of them and another one pinning them together

pheebs314 17

Maybe they got confused by that "Let's eat Grandma/Let's eat, Grandma" grammar check...?

falon142012 22
zingline89 18

Now that you've learned how to read, let's work on spelling.

And punctuation. You don't need two question marks.

pheebs314 17

I think there's 2 because he was extra confused. It makes it more of a question cried in desperation than just a simple "What does that mean?"

Ah, I see. But possibly if he worded his sentence differently (and much more dramatically) then there would be no need for the extra question mark.

If you want to start on punctuation and grammar, you'd know full well you can't start a sentence with and. You could've possibly started it with Also punctuation,. The need for the two question marks was the fact that what she had wrote meant absolutely no sense to me. End of rant.

116- I only understood half of that. More sense needed.

119 I think the correct term is " more education needed."

116 - You CAN start a sentence with 'and' in informal text. Which is what this is. Only in academic writings is it frowned upon. AND, no, you can never have two punctuation marks together. No matter what world you're writing in.

125- you missed it. You can go home now.

pheebs314 17

116- It is a reference to an online joke with a picture. It says those 2 lines and says something about how grammar saves lives.

We can all be ruthless pedants and harpy the ******* boob milk out of this guy, but I actually thought it seemed rather intentional -- that is, "Da fuq, did I just read??" being a purposefully corrupted version of "Dafuq did I just read?" to emphasize the importance of correct grammar (like the "Let's eat Grandma" sentence). However, if he indeed made a misstep and totally just ****** that sentence to hell, I'm not sticking up for him.

Harpy, huh? I see what you did there...

I was going to take a stab at a pun, but I was afraid my joke just wasn't going to cut it.

ChefPhilly 13

Already been done on another fml. Be original damnit. Any way you dice this situtation i dont know why i forking put up with you people. There should be a grate-er emphasis on creative puns.

shyeahh_fml 19

Well there are only so many puns that will actually make sense.

Well ... when it comes to puns, most people just scratch the surface, only merely scraping by. The age of cutting-edge puns is over.

Just wait until your New Year's shift, when you can start your collection of rectal kazoos.