Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML
Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML
Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
Today, during my second shift back at work after missing four weeks for knee surgery, I stabbed myself in the hand and now need three weeks off for that surgery. Just as I'm up for a promotion. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, at work on the front desk at a dental office, there was a massive system glitch. I'm now currently recreating appointments for around 300 patients, on top of checking out the patients that are currently in today from their appointments. FML
Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML
Today, I work at a medical practice with over 30,000 Patients. Due to staff sickness and vacations, we only have 50 appointments available. I work on the phones, taking appointments. FML
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
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Top comments
SweetAsHell 9
Someone had two forks in them?? Did they try to get one out with another?
gonad_gobbler 1
I was going to take a stab at a pun, but I was afraid my joke just wasn't going to cut it.
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Comments (77)
patrickalamo 48
Tia the season, happy shanks-giving
Udderboy 4
This wouldn't be too bad, but who knows where the knives were located
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Goodness Gracious do these people Not know how to Cut a Turkey?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
What's With the Random capitalization, #16? :P
FML_Whale 18
She's writing a book. That's the title.
teresee 8
Five forks .... And four people... Huh. Someone had an exciting night.
olpally 33
Love the username op. lmao! Try to take off on christmas eve and Christmas. It could turn into a bloodbath.
Trisha_aus 15
It's DocBastard's twin!
BlowinChronic 18
And this is why I have absolutely no faith in humanity. "Hey y'all, hold my beer and watch as I eat this here carving fork!"
btstig 11
How did it automatically become a dumb southern stereotype? Swag, Yolo, real talk son!!
Feedmyaddiction5 14
'Merica
la_puta_madre 4
Excuse me. I have to inform you that the correct term is 'MUrica.
j_cat187 20
America... America... America, **** YEAH! Coming again, to save the mother ******* day yeah, America, **** YEAH! Freedom is the only way yeah, Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too, America, **** YEAH! So lick my butt, and suck on my balls, America, **** YEAH! What you going to do when we come for you now, it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow **** YEAH! McDonalds, **** YEAH! Wal-Mart, **** YEAH! The Gap, **** YEAH! Baseball, **** YEAH! NFL, ****, YEAH! Rock and roll, **** YEAH! The Internet, **** YEAH! Slavery, **** YEAH! **** YEAH! Starbucks, **** YEAH! Disney world, **** YEAH! Porno, **** YEAH! Valium, **** YEAH! Reeboks, **** YEAH! Fake ****, **** YEAH! Sushi, **** YEAH! Taco Bell, **** YEAH! Rodeos, **** YEAH! Bed bath and beyond (**** yeah, **** yeah) Liberty, **** YEAH! White Slips, **** YEAH! The Alamo, **** YEAH! Band-aids, **** YEAH! Las Vegas, **** YEAH! Christmas, **** YEAH! Immigrants, **** YEAH! Popeye, **** YEAH! Democrats, **** YEAH! Republicans (republicans) (**** yeah, **** yeah) Sportsmanship Books. - Team America ( it was needed).
Feedmyaddiction5 14
Thank you I was not sure which was the correct spelling of it. :)
xXxIracebethxXx 14
I thought I was 'Murika... Ah, well.
emeraldisle 30
Even if I was that hungry, I would never consume an eating utensil.
chrissy2 28
Maybe someone thought the Turkey was too dry....
astralvagan 20
Famous last words of a redneck.... Hold my beer and y'all watch this!
btstig 11
Famous last words of a Yankee. " Oh my word. Hold my champagne flute and gaze upon me as I begin this act of compulsivity".
br0thadarkness 1
You have and Awesome job!