Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML
Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML
Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML
Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
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Top comments
kate08_fml 0
that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously
silkee_shiny 0
Happy Birthday hun :)
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Comments (197)
Mnemo_fml 0
aww :( 35 yr old virgin or just really unsatisfactory guys?
mistermojo 0
This site is full of so much BS
kenn999 0
WOW, you really need to find someone that pays attention to the details...
AnaMaree 0
I gotta get me one of those!
xLovey 3
Sigh, one of the many, many reasons why I hate being a woman, I'm so sorry. Happy birthday..
RunZoneFive 0
On the plus side your first-ever ****** is a pretty damn good present
herekitty 0
I'm 21 and still have not had an ******. At least i am not the only one. But i hope i don't have to wait until i am 35 :(, anyway better late then never! Congratulations!
stfuman 0
oh wow =/ I had my first ****** when I was 12. DDD:
fmlmuch_ 0
thats hot ! make me a video. but that is an fml
roflcopterzzz 0
123, you're an idiot. Women reach their sexual PEAK when they're 30, not climax, fucktard. They're two completely different things. Can the people on this site be any dumber?