Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my... - FML

By Gutted. - 21/3/2009 23:04 - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

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Family values

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Rock, hard place

By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 19:02 - United States - Converse

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

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By Maddy - 10/3/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2018 19:00

Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML

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By MrsRODixon - 5/3/2015 12:38 - United Kingdom - Pencoed

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

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By JPF - 13/8/2009 03:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

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By blaze - 17/2/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

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By Son - 3/9/2018 17:30 - United States

Today, after an hour-long conversation with my mom that was supposed to help fix our relationship, she said she prefers Beatrice over me and that she's moving in with her. Beatrice is not my sister, she's my older cousin. FML

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By gothchick201013 - 9/9/2016 18:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

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By can't wait to go home - 10/6/2016 19:18 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

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By pregnant loser apparently - 20/5/2013 04:31 - United States - Franklin

Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML

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By D - 9/9/2011 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

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By thanksbro - 20/9/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

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By Jordan - 10/8/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I am into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

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By Dump Tump - 29/3/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

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By Username - 27/6/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 23:00 - United States - Marlton

Not now

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

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By lateforwork - 2/9/2019 14:00

Rush hour

Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

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By gallstones - 9/7/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

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By bobby - 14/3/2010 03:17 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2016 19:44 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

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By Plush - 13/1/2009 16:43 - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

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By candidcripple - 30/12/2014 05:57 - United States

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

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By not even - 21/7/2016 11:20 - United States - Troy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

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By ouchers - 11/6/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2015 22:05 - United States - Shelby

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 00:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

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By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

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By Scott - 15/9/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

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By Roida - 26/10/2009 10:15 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

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By mybad - 11/9/2014 03:57 - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

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By Pickle - 3/3/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we catch some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

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By uhohimfired - 31/3/2019 16:00

Today. the toddler I babysit learned her first word. It was "Fuck" uttered by me within earshot of her toddler ears. She won't stop saying it. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2016 06:11

Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

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By lostinthewoods - 30/5/2019 04:00

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we discovered we were on the wrong side. We had to hike 13 extra miles to go around the mountain to get back to our car. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 20:06

Big boomer energy

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

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By Uriyahu - 20/9/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML

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By BadFather - 21/11/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

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Top comments

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#48848 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:04

In his defense, texts are like gold when they're limited

By lollipopz8988 | 0

#48906 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:17

Wait...did he text you to tell you he only had 8 texts left?? Because if that's the case why couldn't he have just used that opportunity to cheer you up instead.

COMMENTS

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#48848 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:04

In his defense, texts are like gold when they're limited

Reply

mitchpally | 0

#857089 - Monday 15 February 2010 6:02

haha limited texts.. your boyfriends poor.. dumbass

Reply

noobgang7 | 5

#936674 - Thursday 11 March 2010 19:47

he wasted a text sending her that text lol

Reply

LoadFasterPage | 0

#1216038 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 6:46

now he's got 7

Reply

Jjan04 | 14

#5571701 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 6:14

How the fuck does being poor make someone a dumbass?

By alex_vik | 0

#48860 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:06

Well, he's in the right here.

By Ahhem | 0

#48863 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:07

Why didn't you just tell him in person?

By RavensRule97 | 0

#48886 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:14

i agree with #1.... i have limited texting too and theyre precious when theyre limited- each one counts... he should have called you tho

By lollipopz8988 | 0

#48906 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:17

Wait...did he text you to tell you he only had 8 texts left?? Because if that's the case why couldn't he have just used that opportunity to cheer you up instead.

Reply

Alzai | 0

#368802 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:32

Lmao, yeah, he wasted a text to tell you, that he only had 8 texts, but tbh, you hoped he'd cheer you up. Maybe he didn't know you wanted him to cheer you up. If you specified that, then maybe he would have. :L

Reply

cocainewhore | 30

#5968099 - Saturday 7 June 2014 20:44

It's more than my fiancé does, if I do that for him he reads it and doesn't reply. It kinda sucks

Reply

Zufallian | 34

#6452118 - Tuesday 3 November 2015 12:56

Well standard SMS is only 160 characters (70 if you use an emoji). So I'm guessing he didn't really want to use more than one text.

By dammn | 0

#48914 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:19

call him (:

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#48916 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:20

#5, that's exactly what I was going to say. Douchedouchedouche

By alex_vik | 0

#48919 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:20

#5 - Because OP might've tried to keep the conversation going, in which he would need to use two texts to tell OP that he's almost out of texts.

By nesj | 0

#48930 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:23

Don't look to texts for romance. They're not romantic.

By splinter_fml | 0

#48941 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:26

Yeah, that a good example of how to waste a text.