Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
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Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and headbutted me. Now, there's just an awkward silence. FML
Today, while on a first date, I leaned in to kiss her, but my lips somehow brushed against her nose instead. I panicked and ended up kissing her forehead like a grandma saying goodbye to a child. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
.... Conservative.... but she has cleavage. For some reason, this annoys me. FYL though. Better luck next time? At least you have a funny story?
hk_fml 9
Sexy!
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Comments (154)
Lucky444 0
Props for being a gentleman. Sorry about your nose. If she's smart she'll give you the opportunuity for round two.
midwestjerk 0
YDI for dating a conservative. She was probably a Palin fan.
Sexxi 0
yea cuz palins daughter waited until the first date to kiss
rcjamie 0
how did you go on four dates without even kissing? either you are completely lame or that bitch be crazy, take your head out of your ass and go date someone normal, man
SookMauNoots 0
how cud you get a broken nose.
missanthrax 0
this sounds like something that would happen to me.
visage 0
Ouch... your the first real FML of the day. Did you at least get a kiss at some point of the date??
will90 5
Lol Nicole, referring to that FML where the wife hit her husbands "Happy Sacks" with her car?
will90 5
Don't carry a gun, carry pepper spray. Think about it, if someones mugging you, you might (maybe?) stop to think before blowing his brains out for the 10$ in your purse. But you'd sure as hell pepper spray the shit out of him.
DeathShad0 1
...Never say happy sack again. And you can learn how to defend yourself with some classes or even just going online and searching fighting techniques.
Katpal 1
Why is everyone like "she's your girlfriend after 4 dates"? it's possible that they were talking a lot before that like on the phone or on the internet and these were their 4 actual dates that they saw each other in person. Also, he didn't say that she was "extremely conservative and a prude" he said that she was pretty conservative. That could mean a lot of different things like she is pretty shy and he mistakes that for conservative or she just has some rules about dating. Personally I think it is sweet that he wanted to wait for a while so that she would find it special, because a girl's first kiss means a lot to her. I also hate that people are like "she's conservative and showing off cleavage?" so what if she's showing off cleavage it's no big deal women do it all the time.