Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and headbutted me. Now, there's just an awkward silence. FML
Today, while on a first date, I leaned in to kiss her, but my lips somehow brushed against her nose instead. I panicked and ended up kissing her forehead like a grandma saying goodbye to a child. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
.... Conservative.... but she has cleavage. For some reason, this annoys me. FYL though. Better luck next time? At least you have a funny story?
hk_fml 9
Sexy!
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Comments (154)
Nicoleismyname 0
And btw yes I have little muscle mass, not strong at all, have a poor diet and I'm a 5 ft 110 lb female so I would pretty much say a palm strike and a swift kick to the happy sack (lol) is really the only thing I have going for me if I was ever attacked by a mugger or rapist.
airplanefood 0
Cleavage doesn't just mean big breasts. It also refers to wearing clothes that are revealing enough to expose the cleft, i.e. her top must have been low enough for blood to spill down. It's just kind of gross thinking about how it must feel to have someone's blood running down between your breasts. F both your lives.
MacFeat2010 0
It is possible to break a nose by bringing your hand up to cover a sneeze. I bring my hand up rather quickly when i sneeze. Your nose is cartilage not BONE...it is not as hard as bone. With enough velocity it would be possible. Also, nicole was just stating that it is possible to break a nose with just your hand.
Kenpachi_fml 0
YDI for having a nose
AdvocataDiaboli 0
Dude, if you're going to "decide" to "give" someone their first kiss -- and you can't friggin just ask first -- at least make sure they're into it and not about to sneeze. Idiot.
RabbitOfAurora 28
Thank you for being the one to say this. OP, you honestly should have asked. What if she didn't want to kiss you yet? Or at all. Your attitude towards this raises red flags for me and YDI.
_electricbonbon 0
Pimpin88, is it ever possible for you to just write one sentence? Damn.
frawd_fml 0
seriously date a girl that isn't a prude. i'm not saying date a ****, but date a girl that actually wants to enjoy life and its sensory experiences
DameGreyWulf 1
It sounds to me like she might be a virgin, if that is her first kiss. It's not that she's against enjoying it, it's that she isn't ready. There is nothing wrong with not being ready, and he was trying to make her feel more comfortable by trying to be spontaneously romantic, and he had some really, really awful timing. Think he COULD have kissed her, then she sneezed all over his face. Or, she could have sneezed while kissing him. OR, she could have sneezed on his face when he moved in, instead of breaking his nose, but that's hardly worse. Just saying he had bad timing any way he went, and it really doesn't seem like it had a lot to do with her being conservative. He pointed that out so he can "set the scene and mood" for the audience; implying he was trying to be a spontaneous romantic or whatever by pointing out it would be her first kiss.
ellysa_fml 0
Omg fail
Nicoleismyname 0
Nah I don't think I'll be carrying a gun around anytime soon. It's not easy for just anyone to be allowed to carry a gun anywhere they go.
TysonFawlay 0
Some things just arent meant to be.