Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and headbutted me. Now, there's just an awkward silence. FML
Today, while on a first date, I leaned in to kiss her, but my lips somehow brushed against her nose instead. I panicked and ended up kissing her forehead like a grandma saying goodbye to a child. FML
Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
.... Conservative.... but she has cleavage. For some reason, this annoys me. FYL though. Better luck next time? At least you have a funny story?
hk_fml 9
Sexy!
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Comments (154)
Eresbel 0
There are a lot of liberals who believe in God or Allah or Yashua and not Buddhism or Hinduism. In fact, Hinduism and Buddhism don't automatically indicate liberalism at all.
MacFeat2010 0
I think this is the first FML ive seen from South Dakota. (and i live there!!!) haha. but anyways, FYL....hopefully she understands and everything works out between you two!
DameGreyWulf 1
http://www.fmylife.com/region/South%20Dakota
anon1131 0
just clarifying...Hindu's and Buddhists believe in God as well!!!
DameGreyWulf 1
Not the same god as Islam/Judaism/Christianity, though, obviously. And I'm pretty sure Hinduism believes in multiple gods, not just one. Not sure about Buddhism.
AquaticRobotics 0
She's got cleavage and has never kissed a guy before!? Impressive! =P
l33tm0nk3y 0
That kind of thing is more common than you might think. My first girlfriend was 19 when I first kissed her, and I was her first too. On an unrelated note, that has got to be the best/funniest awkward-first-kiss story I've ever heard.
DameGreyWulf 1
The unexpected!
strength413 8
if i've ever been sure of anything in my life it's that this guy takes steroids.
randomcrazychick 0
dude! bloody cleavage hellz yes!
dotsdesu 0
if she's conservative would she even have exposed cleavage for your blood to run down?
puddinpowder 0
you got blood on her cleavage? That's so damn sexy.