Miscellaneous: Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique...

By TukTuk - Germany - Weinb?hla

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

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Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

Good kid

Messed up

By imfullthanks - Norway

Hygienic

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML

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By chicoallen - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 10:58 - United States

Snowflakes

Today, I bumped my head on a tool box. When it happened, I yelled, "Fuck." I got fired from my job for cussing. FML

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By kentrm - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

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By blame the maid - 13/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Deadly cocktail

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

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By qwaynick

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

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By dee - United States

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

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By Bridget - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML

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By hellolaina - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

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By SheaLili - United States

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

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By Rob - France

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

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By Insensitive - United States

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

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By EggHead - United States - Woodbridge

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

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By SorrySnowWhite - United States - Baltimore

Today, I yelled at a new employee for violating the company's makeup policy which is minimum coverage. She had red lipstick, very dark drawn eyebrows, and foundation that made her look like a ghost. She took out a makeup wipe and used it then showed me it, only to reveal she doesn't wear any. FML

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By I_Lossed - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

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By Skyhopee - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

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By Rye - United States

Today, I let my friend cut my hair and after a few minutes, she looked at what she had done and then she ran out of the room, laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I noticed a weird smell coming from my four year old daughter's room. I went to investigate and found she had been using (and hiding) her garbage can as a toilet for when she "can't make it in time." FML

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By iheartnjdevils - United States

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

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By - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

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By BadDay - Australia - Beerwah

Today, being a little stressed, I managed to lock my keys inside my car. I was taking this fairly calmly until, while waiting for roadside assistance, I overheard another woman in the same carpark say, "No, of course I didn't lock my keys in the car! I'm not a COMPLETE idiot." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2021 00:02

Missing out

Today, after I gave notice to quit my job 3 weeks ago, and my last day is tomorrow, I found out that all overtime is now $40 an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

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By Betterthanthis - United States - New Berlin

Subtle differences

Today, when my boss said, "Don't worry, I know all the requirements," she actually meant, "I know nothing, and will scream at you in rage because you cannot psychically divine all the requirements the day before a major holiday when no one is available to talk to you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, my cat brought home a bloody, barely-living mouse. The thing managed to escape and dragged itself into a crack in the wall, where it must have died. The only way to get it out before it starts to stink up the place is by demolishing the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

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By gj09 - United States

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

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By bananayellowteeth - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

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By AirOne - United States

Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband, who has been in a coma for 5 weeks, woke up. When I went to visit him, the first thing he did was try and continue the argument we had been having before he crashed the car. FML

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By scorpionsurviver - United States

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

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By evomadrid24 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

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By i love stupid people

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

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By PixieWrists - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

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Top comments

By Enslaved | 36

#6102639 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Were you expecting it to be a treasure map?

By NeatNit | 32

#6102638 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Plot twist: you acquired it in 2003!

COMMENTS

By NeatNit | 32

#6102638 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Plot twist: you acquired it in 2003!

Wakachulak | 22

#6102694 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:04

Guys, think you're missing the point here. Antique = old. OP got ripped off.

riffehunter | 16

#6102702 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:29

the instructions are for a bed. not the mirror.

Vegetarian27 | 24

#6102776 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 11:44

You don't think that a previous owner could have shoved random crap down the back?

Wakachulak | 22

#6102791 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 12:21

No I don't, #32

ositoakaluis | 16

#6102865 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 15:00

OP had hope that it could of been a treasure map, deed to the house or anything mysterious.

By Enslaved | 36

#6102639 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Were you expecting it to be a treasure map?

Googolman | 29

#6102646 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:48

Or even better, toilet paper. God knows there isn't enough of that.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6102659 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:02

could be a goonies adventure

coming back in the future | 30

#6102695 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:04

#2 it was antique though.

Ki11erC | 18

#6102704 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:39

25: Obviously not if it's from 2007

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6102710 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 9:06

Someone could have hidden a modern newspaper in an antique. Quite easily. Why they'd do so, who knows.

Wakachulak | 22

#6102793 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 12:24

Yeah, and OJ could of not done it

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6102811 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 13:17

*COULD. HAVE. Could've.

Wakachulak | 22

#6102831 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 14:02

Do I look like I care?

Ichiya | 29

#6102833 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 14:03

Nope you look like an idiot.

Wakachulak | 22

#6103063 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:58

That's the best insult you can come up with? Weak.

thecalvin123 | 21

#6103275 - Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:03

I haven't seen you say anything clever so far.

gabwielle | 8

#6103513 - Wednesday 29 October 2014 4:09

Maybe the mirror rattled

By james98e | 15

#6102640 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Maybe it's a hidden message?

sayyestothedress | 24

#6103184 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 20:38

In a juice box there's a hint
Koolaid is the name if the juice
Enter the bedroom
At last claim your reward
(I tried my best)

By Googolman | 29

#6102642 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:46

You can't go wrong with IKEA bed instructions.

By brandoneyez1 | 25

#6102644 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:47

Now the question is where is the bed to go with the instructions?

By Sonata90 | 26

#6102645 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:47

What on earth could have prompted you to disassemble an entire antique mirror for a stack of papers? YDI.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6102662 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:03

oh i could never not look. the mystery of what it could be, what i might have stored there, i would sit and think about it all day.

rocker_chick23 | 27

#6102689 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:49

I would have done the same thing. I am a very curious person, and it would have bugged me if I wasn't able to get to what piqued my interest and curiosity.