Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique...

By TukTuk - 27/10/2014 21:18 - Germany - Weinb?hla

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

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Miscellaneous

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By thinkimquitting - 25/6/2012 21:49 - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

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By keerow - 26/2/2013 15:54 - United States

Today, I realized that the homeless people I give change to all dress better than I do, including the one that doesn't believe in pants. FML

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By walkingonsunshine - 22/1/2010 00:14 - France

Today, my long term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way to old for him. I'm 3 years younger than my fiancé. FML

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By Ali - 5/3/2017 22:30 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

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By computergeek - 26/1/2010 21:25 - United States

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

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By mubaki - 24/7/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

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By Magicali - 22/4/2013 02:56 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up that she would take me to get birthcontrol. Wanting birthcontrol, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML

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By Arthur - 7/5/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

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By summerbabe77 - 22/7/2012 03:58 - United States - Medford

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

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By en3rg1zer21 - 6/8/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was peeing, and I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside I got a new look. FML

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By Dummy - 1/4/2018 15:00

Happy Easter!

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2013 15:29 - United States - Denver

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 08:29 - Reserved

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 16:17 - Canada

Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML

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By DramaticSigh - 15/8/2011 05:00 - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

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By panther of the desert - 2/5/2012 21:58 - Puerto Rico - Rio Grande

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

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By Wally - 4/1/2010 17:52 - Mexico

Today, I'm in Mexico and am supposed to be skydiving for my Christmas gift. Instead, I'm coming out of the hospital with x-rays, an ankle splint, and a $800 bill because I fell on the bottom step of a flight of stairs. FML

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By NoValentine - 14/2/2009 22:49 - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2014 05:10 - United States - Denver

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 16:41 - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

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By Thanks everyone - 28/8/2013 22:35 - Australia - Gaythorne

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

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By forgottendaughter - 17/1/2010 14:41 - South Africa

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

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By md - 25/11/2009 04:08 - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML

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By Paperboy - 28/3/2013 09:57 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Ilijas

Today, the highlight of my day was when I found that there was finally toilet paper in the cubicle at work. FML

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By StupidBerk - 17/9/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

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By gasbrain - 5/9/2020 20:06

Buyer's market

Today, after being unemployed for a couple of months, I got a call back from a security job I did for a week. But with a new condition: besides the security work, one day in the week they want me to cut grass, paint and clean up the grounds for the same minimum wage. FML

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By hoolagirl4422 - 20/9/2013 11:23 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

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By Rebecca - 13/6/2012 23:50 - Australia - Dural

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

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By Ginger_Gawd - 21/1/2014 03:34 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2009 19:22 - Canada

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

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By AkaiKitsune - 29/6/2017 04:00

Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML

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By axel519 - 31/12/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2016 14:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

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Top comments

By Enslaved | 36

#6102639 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Were you expecting it to be a treasure map?

By NeatNit | 32

#6102638 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Plot twist: you acquired it in 2003!

COMMENTS

By NeatNit | 32

#6102638 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Plot twist: you acquired it in 2003!

Wakachulak | 22

#6102694 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:04

Guys, think you're missing the point here. Antique = old. OP got ripped off.

riffehunter | 16

#6102702 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:29

the instructions are for a bed. not the mirror.

Vegetarian27 | 24

#6102776 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 11:44

You don't think that a previous owner could have shoved random crap down the back?

Wakachulak | 22

#6102791 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 12:21

No I don't, #32

ositoakaluis | 16

#6102865 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 15:00

OP had hope that it could of been a treasure map, deed to the house or anything mysterious.

By Enslaved | 36

#6102639 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Were you expecting it to be a treasure map?

Googolman | 29

#6102646 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:48

Or even better, toilet paper. God knows there isn't enough of that.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6102659 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:02

could be a goonies adventure

coming back in the future | 30

#6102695 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:04

#2 it was antique though.

Ki11erC | 18

#6102704 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:39

25: Obviously not if it's from 2007

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6102710 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 9:06

Someone could have hidden a modern newspaper in an antique. Quite easily. Why they'd do so, who knows.

Wakachulak | 22

#6102793 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 12:24

Yeah, and OJ could of not done it

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6102811 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 13:17

*COULD. HAVE. Could've.

Wakachulak | 22

#6102831 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 14:02

Do I look like I care?

Ichiya | 29

#6102833 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 14:03

Nope you look like an idiot.

Wakachulak | 22

#6103063 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:58

That's the best insult you can come up with? Weak.

thecalvin123 | 21

#6103275 - Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:03

I haven't seen you say anything clever so far.

gabwielle | 8

#6103513 - Wednesday 29 October 2014 4:09

Maybe the mirror rattled

By james98e | 15

#6102640 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Maybe it's a hidden message?

sayyestothedress | 24

#6103184 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 20:38

In a juice box there's a hint
Koolaid is the name if the juice
Enter the bedroom
At last claim your reward
(I tried my best)

By Googolman | 29

#6102642 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:46

You can't go wrong with IKEA bed instructions.

By brandoneyez1 | 25

#6102644 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:47

Now the question is where is the bed to go with the instructions?

By Sonata90 | 26

#6102645 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:47

What on earth could have prompted you to disassemble an entire antique mirror for a stack of papers? YDI.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6102662 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:03

oh i could never not look. the mystery of what it could be, what i might have stored there, i would sit and think about it all day.

rocker_chick23 | 27

#6102689 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:49

I would have done the same thing. I am a very curious person, and it would have bugged me if I wasn't able to get to what piqued my interest and curiosity.