Miscellaneous: Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique...

By TukTuk - Germany - Weinb?hla

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Incognito browsing

Kick the bum out, part 2

By ET - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

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By MrAwsum - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

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By dumbgirl4lyf - Ireland - Monaghan

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

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By baconlady - United States

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

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By idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States - Mesa

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

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By superman_not - United Kingdom

Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Woodland mystery

Today, walking in the woods, I heard someone screaming like crazy. First I thought it might be a hurt animal, but then I heard syllables in the screams. When I yelled, “What’s going on there?!” there was only silence. It was so creepy, I’m too scared to walk my dogs there now. FML

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By schellbytheseashore - United States

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

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By idiotwithaface - United States

Today, I recently graduated from highschool and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML

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By fet - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

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By anonymouschicka - United States

Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML

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By whaaaaat111 - United States - Vienna

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

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By wtf - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

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By Ismellbacon - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML

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By Anonymous

They Do.

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

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By NotHungryAnymore - United States - Rochester

Today, my boss is now so comfortable with me that she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she goes digging for gold in her nose through every conversation we have. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By Maddie110110 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

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By Water Daughter - United States

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

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By B_and_W - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

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By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 2/9/2020 20:01 - United States - Los Angeles

The best of times, the worst of times

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

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By PunkChik27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

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By notlilien

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

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By mediocreboobs - United States

Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML

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By moduschic - United States

Today, at work this woman came up to my counter and handed me gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML

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By OrangeTree12 - Canada

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

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By MafiaWarsWidow - Australia

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

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By NewTenant - United States

Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

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By katharine - United States

Lesson learned

Today, I was daydreaming in bed when my phone rang from across the room. I scrambled out of my covers, tripped over a pair of boots I had by the bed, and slipped on some jeans laying on the floor. Luckily, I answered my phone in time, but only to have my mom tell me to clean my room before she got home. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Moving day

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Mystery message service

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of with, whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

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By justplaindumb - United States - Des Moines

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

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By Frazzled - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

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By brigitte - France - Noyon

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 23:01

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

Today, I was in a band with some friends and we got our first gig at a local festival, but I'd already agreed to work serving drinks at the festival. My bandmates got really annoyed and kicked me out of the band. They then went ahead and performed the song that I WROTE, without me, at the festival where i was working. FML

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By lotd - United Kingdom - Henley On Thames

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

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Top comments

By Enslaved | 36

#6102639 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Were you expecting it to be a treasure map?

By NeatNit | 32

#6102638 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Plot twist: you acquired it in 2003!

COMMENTS

By NeatNit | 32

#6102638 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Plot twist: you acquired it in 2003!

Wakachulak | 22

#6102694 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:04

Guys, think you're missing the point here. Antique = old. OP got ripped off.

riffehunter | 16

#6102702 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:29

the instructions are for a bed. not the mirror.

Vegetarian27 | 24

#6102776 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 11:44

You don't think that a previous owner could have shoved random crap down the back?

Wakachulak | 22

#6102791 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 12:21

No I don't, #32

ositoakaluis | 16

#6102865 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 15:00

OP had hope that it could of been a treasure map, deed to the house or anything mysterious.

By Enslaved | 36

#6102639 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Were you expecting it to be a treasure map?

Googolman | 29

#6102646 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:48

Or even better, toilet paper. God knows there isn't enough of that.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6102659 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:02

could be a goonies adventure

coming back in the future | 30

#6102695 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:04

#2 it was antique though.

Ki11erC | 18

#6102704 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 8:39

25: Obviously not if it's from 2007

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6102710 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 9:06

Someone could have hidden a modern newspaper in an antique. Quite easily. Why they'd do so, who knows.

Wakachulak | 22

#6102793 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 12:24

Yeah, and OJ could of not done it

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6102811 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 13:17

*COULD. HAVE. Could've.

Wakachulak | 22

#6102831 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 14:02

Do I look like I care?

Ichiya | 29

#6102833 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 14:03

Nope you look like an idiot.

Wakachulak | 22

#6103063 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:58

That's the best insult you can come up with? Weak.

thecalvin123 | 21

#6103275 - Wednesday 29 October 2014 0:03

I haven't seen you say anything clever so far.

gabwielle | 8

#6103513 - Wednesday 29 October 2014 4:09

Maybe the mirror rattled

By james98e | 15

#6102640 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:45

Maybe it's a hidden message?

sayyestothedress | 24

#6103184 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 20:38

In a juice box there's a hint
Koolaid is the name if the juice
Enter the bedroom
At last claim your reward
(I tried my best)

By Googolman | 29

#6102642 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:46

You can't go wrong with IKEA bed instructions.

By brandoneyez1 | 25

#6102644 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:47

Now the question is where is the bed to go with the instructions?

By Sonata90 | 26

#6102645 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:47

What on earth could have prompted you to disassemble an entire antique mirror for a stack of papers? YDI.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6102662 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:03

oh i could never not look. the mystery of what it could be, what i might have stored there, i would sit and think about it all day.

rocker_chick23 | 27

#6102689 - Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:49

I would have done the same thing. I am a very curious person, and it would have bugged me if I wasn't able to get to what piqued my interest and curiosity.