Love: Today, I watched my fiancé ride off on my motorcycle with another... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 121

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 1 599

25/04/2017 18:00

Today, I watched my fiancé ride off on my motorcycle with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 767

You deserved it 345

Sorry…

Age difference

Late term

17/07/2011 22:57

Today, my sister found out she contracted ringworm and scabies from her best friend's rescued kittens. The entire family now has to be treated to prevent it from spreading. There are 7 people in our house and none of us have health insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 979

You deserved it 15 611

Fast Cars

By Chris21 - 11/09/2019 22:04

Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 147

30/05/2009 04:24

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 024

You deserved it 6 341

30/05/2009 15:18

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 588

You deserved it 3 040

09/02/2010 05:27

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 389

You deserved it 3 085

05/12/2009 00:22

Spicy

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 334

You deserved it 2 363

27/10/2010 06:07

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 581

You deserved it 5 528

22/07/2014 21:55

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 768

You deserved it 10 481

Best thing to do

By Jerry - 04/01/2021 10:58

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 153

29/12/2009 07:41

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 831

You deserved it 28 114

26/03/2013 04:15

Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 170

You deserved it 10 121

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 549

You deserved it 7 873

He's such a character!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 22:00

Today, I was called a judgemental bitch by my family for not letting my son back home after his release from prison, forgetting that none of them want to house him either, considering he did run me over with my car he was stealing to pay his debts to his drug dealer/prostitute provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 49

One day…

By Animal - 24/02/2011 19:14

Spicy

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 170

You deserved it 17 060

Let me out!

By Archie - 07/01/2010 08:31

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 4 216

01/12/2016 20:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for my lack of media communications skills. It would be more understandable if I weren't a janitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 132

You deserved it 622

08/02/2016 17:43

Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 827

You deserved it 1 775

21/10/2013 02:16

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 989

You deserved it 4 023

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 386

29/07/2009 06:22

Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 253

You deserved it 3 076

16/01/2012 00:36

Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 618

You deserved it 41 324

26/07/2014 04:55

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 828

You deserved it 4 156

27/04/2011 18:33

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 762

You deserved it 53 184

09/03/2015 05:13

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 833

You deserved it 7 286

09/06/2019 04:00

Today, while browsing through Walmart, I slipped on a piece of clothing and fell backwards into an obese lady’s butt. When I landed, she farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 270

27/10/2015 03:41

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 541

You deserved it 3 379

17/04/2009 18:42

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 762

You deserved it 7 326

06/11/2009 15:22

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 622

You deserved it 2 644

Gross

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 15:59

Spicy

Today, I confronted my mother because I lock my bedroom door everytime I leave the house, then when I came home, the door was open and ajar. She got really defensive and said it's because she and her boyfriend want to make passionate whoopie on my king-size bed because it's bigger than her full-size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 106

10/01/2010 21:47

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 393

You deserved it 3 065

29/03/2011 18:08

Today, I found out my dad has a 1-in-a-million disease that makes your liver process pain medication at twice the rate of a normal person. If that wasn't bad enough, he also tells me he hopes I don't have it too, because it can be passed down. He said this because I'm 29 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 097

You deserved it 3 198

29/04/2009 04:52

Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 097

You deserved it 11 647

03/03/2013 16:05

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 980

You deserved it 6 923

17/09/2013 16:38

Spicy

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 467

You deserved it 6 888

19/05/2011 02:48

Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 401

You deserved it 4 209

Great speech, thanks!

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 02:02

Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with, “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought this would relate to me or the wedding at some point. 45 minutes later, I had to admit that it didn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 131

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 067

You deserved it 9 712

18/08/2011 20:25

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 834

You deserved it 3 095

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 109

25/04/2013 20:36

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 281

You deserved it 5 384

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Top comments

redlizzybeth 24

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:18

I don't have enough info, but if it were me I might report it stolen.

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:13

Breaking your heart by seeing another girl is one thing--but taking your motorcycle too? That's just evil!

Comments

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:13

Breaking your heart by seeing another girl is one thing--but taking your motorcycle too? That's just evil!

redlizzybeth 24

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:18

I don't have enough info, but if it were me I might report it stolen.

Rebecca Stockert 16

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:24

Nothing hotter than two chicks on a bike... you should suggest a threesome

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 20:40

the fact that this comment was made by a girl is awesome!!!!

AkameGaKill 11

Monday 22 May 2017 3:01

lol stop using lesbians as fetishes

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:24

that sucks , I agree report it stolen lol, and you can do better don't worry!

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:28

İf your sure its actually a chick he wants to ride as bad as your bike İ would report it stolen as well. He can go suck it, hope you get your bike back in good shape.

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:29

Also, İ'd be more upset about the bike than the guy :')

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 2:49

Aw, I'm so sorry. That's a loss that's going to be hard to replace. I mean the bike. That guy was trash.

crazyindynathan 13

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 3:01

From the post, it really just sounds like he is visiting with another girl. Sure, it might look like cheating, but when are you not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex (unless there is confirmed cheating, which it doesn't state)? Really just sounds like she wants to be riding with him instead.

justrighthere 6

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Thursday 27 April 2017 2:42

FYL

thatslifeiguess7 16

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Wednesday 26 April 2017 3:51

Ross is that you?

T1A2Z3 34

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Tuesday 10 April 2018 3:03

It's a girl. Her Fiancé (male) took her bike and some other chick.

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Thursday 27 April 2017 0:46

was it a future brides maid?

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Thursday 27 April 2017 4:15

As a biker, the bike is mine, the back seat belongs to my ol lady. That is all...