Kids: Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit... - FML

By littlemisstiny - Ireland

Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit next to her friend. Minutes later, a child sitting behind me threw up on my head, while the girl I had swapped with and her friend laughed hysterically as I attempted to wipe the puke from my hair. FML

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Instadrama

They're everywhere

Bunch of bankers, the lot of them

By Anonymous - United States - Wallingford

Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

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By abjoro

Today, I found out that the cute guy who sits in front of me in class and who keeps looking at me over his right shoulder is not interested in me as I had been led to believe. He has mild Tourrette's and his tick happens to be scratching his chin over his right shoulder. FML

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By Unknown - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

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By HSampsON - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

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By AFH2O - United States - Visalia

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

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By SpikeStanley - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been "single" on numerous occasions during our 9 month relationship. FML

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By Loopy - Belgium

Today, I had to buy more supplies for the cat my friend asked me to pet sit for 2 weeks. Her 2-week vacation ended over 3 years ago. FML

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By nothotforteacher - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

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By owned - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

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By sad gf

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norfolk

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

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By postop - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

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By Unclicked - Singapore

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salida

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

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By SadFace - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

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By bananagurl4242 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

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By izzy

Today, my boyfriend left me for his sister. No, not my sister. His sister. FML

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By birthday girl - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

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By Josh - United States - Fenton

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

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By nsJ - United States

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

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By nameless - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

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By Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

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By toametru1 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

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By J-Sauce - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, I went to a club with 6 girls thinking it would be awesome. As soon as we got there, they all said they wanted to go dance and asked if I could watch their purses. FML

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By Emily27 - United Kingdom

Today, like every other day, my boss referred to my breasts as pillows he needs to nap on. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2021 02:01

You light up my life

Today, I can’t sleep because the moon is full. No, wait, that’s actually the floodlight from the neighboring farm shining in my window. Apparently, they thought it a good idea to hook the thing up to a motion detector, so the cats and mice can play disco lights at midnight. FML

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By barista - United States

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

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By CA19oo - United States

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

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By middleagednurse - 18/3/2020 17:00

Stay Safe!

Today, the cruise that I was looking forward to for over a year was cancelled due to the coronavirus. Trying to salvage what was left of my vacation, I booked a hotel for a few days near a local beach. They just announced that the beach was closed and the hotel is refusing to refund my money. FML

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By Lilie - France

Today, my sweetheart came round to drop off some underwear which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

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By Wheel chair bound - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

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Top comments

By _Noon_ | 0

#524193 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:58

What a bitch! You were kind enough to swap places and this is how she pays you back. I hate people like that.

By Terrimina23 | 0

#524109 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:09

ugh. I hate it when kids puke. Espically on airplanes.

COMMENTS

By imnojerk | 0

#524091 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:03

should have swapped with the other person...

Reply

AnaMaree | 0

#524641 - Saturday 29 August 2009 21:17

YDI for being Saint Sarah.

By volleyballgirl16 | 0

#524094 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:03

dude thats disgusting
kill the girl haha jk but FYL that sucks

By lonelyinMA | 0

#524100 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:05

barf is always funny

Reply

Pmm368 | 5

#524413 - Saturday 29 August 2009 19:48

it's only funny when the other person gets puked on...try having it done on you and you'll feel the same way the OP does.

By Terrimina23 | 0

#524109 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:09

ugh. I hate it when kids puke. Espically on airplanes.

By rentmefor1day | 0

#524114 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:12

fifth

By 24788 | 6

#524120 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:20

That's horrible luck.

By Hava_fml | 0

#524122 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:21

that's pretty funny. FYL though

By the_stereotype | 0

#524126 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:23

that's kind of bitchy

By sexxxtacy | 0

#524130 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:25

haha. points for the kid sitting behind you XD

By Jennydew | 0

#524132 - Saturday 29 August 2009 16:26

You should have used her shirt to wipe the puke out of your hair. She would have stopped laughing then!

Reply

FreeRunn3r | 12

#986740 - Friday 30 April 2010 12:54

WTF is wrong with you!!!!
XD
ur hair is hella funny.