Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML
Today, I tried to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I stubbed my toe so hard on a stool leg, I yelped then tried to keep as quiet as possible. My mom came running, thinking our cat and dog were fighting and hissing again. I hobbled back to bed, only to realize I didn't actually get any food. FML
Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML
Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML
Today, since my family and friends always make fun of me for being a wuss when it comes to pain, when I stubbed my toe, I made a point to not scream or complain in any way. Instead, I vomited and fainted. FML
Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML
Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML
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Top comments
fatalkiss 0
My parents were all, "orgasms are natural & beautiful things, after all, thats how we created you."
BugsBunny1 4
For some reason, your username and comment look very strange together.
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Comments (196)
GeneralGreivous3 0
I sometimes do that too. You know, stub my toe. But I scream into my pillow so no one notices.
shrimp1234 4
You should ask them about the moaning in THEIR room.
myxcure 2
Only ask if you actually want to know..
Helloiloveyou199_fml 0
Osama bin laden! just thought I would point that out... where is justin beaver?
CitrusGirl 0
It's always better to cuss when you hurt yourself. Mythbusters has proved that cussing relieves pain.
GeneralGreivous3 0
Oh then I've been doing the right thing :)
sydmadhurf 6
hmm I heard mythbusters I WRONG. cussing is BAD
CitrusGirl 0
Of course they're (as you would say) WRONG! They only do real experiments to get real test results to present an informed conclusion.
sydmadhurf 6
I totally have NO idea what u just said.. u outsmarted me:/
Mr_mur_der 0
That didn't seem hard to do.
sydmadhurf 6
ok that was rude. and unnecessary. people these days
immunizations 0
just simply tell them you stubbed your toe, nbd.
GeneralGreivous3 0
That will take a while then.
simply_improper 1
lmao # 35, jus too cute/dumb not to laugh
tonykillzlemons 0
u should tell them to unblock ur **** ;D
kay_joey 0
oh goodness... =P
RainbowHeadache 2
I'm not sure I'd believe my kid either. But I think that's because I assume they'll be chronic masterbaters like me. lol Why did they even ask what you were going? That kind of thing you pretend not to hear so shit doesn't get awkward.
rawr9able 4
Having the libido of a horse ftw. I would probably be the same way if I ever have a kid I would be the type to creep em out and embaress em for my amusement. "So son, I heard you 10 minutes ago. Mind keepin' it down?" "WUT?! O_O" xD