Intimacy: Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing...

By Anonymous - 07/05/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 508

You deserved it 4 692

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

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Same thing different taste

By erianne - 07/05/2018 15:00

Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 873

You deserved it 590

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 173

By ow - 13/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 000

You deserved it 4 774

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 128

Light sentence

By ClumsyTeen - 13/05/2021 23:57 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 2 167

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - 15/08/2013 17:39 - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 980

You deserved it 3 452

Life is pain

By pussy - 21/04/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, since my family and friends always make fun of me for being a wuss when it comes to pain, when I stubbed my toe, I made a point to not scream or complain in any way. Instead, I vomited and fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 224

By Unlucky - 09/10/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 4 952

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 703

You deserved it 7 578

Convoluted

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 04:00

Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 677

fatalkiss 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 5:32

My parents were all, "orgasms are natural & beautiful things, after all, thats how we created you."

BugsBunny1 4

Saturday 7 May 2011 6:35

For some reason, your username and comment look very strange together.

Comments

whoa150 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 7:19

i stubb my toe alot!

PimpDaddyB 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 7:26

Retard!

shenaniganry 3

Saturday 7 May 2011 7:29

Awkward.

immunizations 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 7:46

oh wow I'm on the FML app for iPhone and counted 8 buried comments in a row on the first page. new record for FML?

YayorNay 8

Saturday 7 May 2011 7:52

Banging your foot last night?

GeneralMotors 23

Saturday 7 May 2011 8:01

that is why you should say "OWWW THAT HURT!!" when you do that.

WordSmyth 2

Saturday 7 May 2011 8:09

I've never heard toe used as a euphemism for penis.

FML395 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 8:54

Sure 'stubbing your toe' isn't 'spanking the ferret?'

jess6blondie9 2

Saturday 7 May 2011 8:55

Oh don't lie. You were spanking the ferret again.

MariusH 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 9:02

Just do it

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The Top

Today, my husband found my diary in which I talked about inviting another man into our bedroom. He left for a while and came back with a friend of his. My fantasy may become reality but I'm terrified what it will do to our relationship. I put them off for now, but I don't know what to do. He's all for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 1 908

Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 434

The Top

Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my coworker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she went to the manager and accused me of sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 051

You deserved it 3 939

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 173

You deserved it 5 711

Today, I decided to do something nice and compliment a stranger. I told a girl that I liked her skirt and that it looked good on her. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 318

You deserved it 549

Today, I went to the doctor with serious digestive issues, only to be told off the bat that I just need to drink more water. She wasn’t interested to hear that 1) I already drink the recommended daily amount and 2) drinking when I don’t feel like it fucks up my system even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 116

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 618

You deserved it 2 395

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 617

You deserved it 2 856