Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML
Today, I tried to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I stubbed my toe so hard on a stool leg, I yelped then tried to keep as quiet as possible. My mom came running, thinking our cat and dog were fighting and hissing again. I hobbled back to bed, only to realize I didn't actually get any food. FML
Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I tried to sneak in at 2 a.m. after going out, since I'm 16, but I tripped over a pair of slippers and landed flat on my face. My body fell quietly, but I let out a very loud and guttural, "Oof." After about a minute, I lifted my face to see my mom standing over me. I'm now grounded for 3 days. FML
Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML
Today, since my family and friends always make fun of me for being a wuss when it comes to pain, when I stubbed my toe, I made a point to not scream or complain in any way. Instead, I vomited and fainted. FML
Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML
Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML
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Top comments
fatalkiss 0
My parents were all, "orgasms are natural & beautiful things, after all, thats how we created you."
BugsBunny1 4
For some reason, your username and comment look very strange together.
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Comments (196)
whoa150 0
i stubb my toe alot!
PimpDaddyB 0
Retard!
shenaniganry 3
Awkward.
immunizations 0
oh wow I'm on the FML app for iPhone and counted 8 buried comments in a row on the first page. new record for FML?
YayorNay 8
Banging your foot last night?
GeneralMotors 23
that is why you should say "OWWW THAT HURT!!" when you do that.
WordSmyth 2
I've never heard toe used as a euphemism for penis.
FML395 0
Sure 'stubbing your toe' isn't 'spanking the ferret?'
jess6blondie9 3
Oh don't lie. You were spanking the ferret again.
MariusH 0
Just do it